What Kind Of Friend Am I?

01 Apr 2017 71 Comments

by Ritu in Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: , , , , , ,

On Friday, we said goodbye to a colleague who was leaving the school after 10 years.

It was an emotional time, as the teacher she worked with had a really close link with her.

There were genuine tears, she felt like some part of her was being wrenched away. They are good friends, and will see each other outside of school anyway, but still, not having that special person at your workplace can be hard.

It got me thinking, though.

Whenever I leave, will there be anyone that sad, that devastated, that I am gone?

I have many acquaintances at school and have done so in other jobs. I have always had good relationships with most of my colleagues, but on leaving, I don’t think I have ever left a Ritu-sized hole, that is impossible to fill.

And even in life in general, I think I have been one of those easily forgettable people.

I spent 15 years at the same school, and there were three of us who went through the whole of school together. Along the way, I made many friends, and it was great. But I never had that ‘best’ friend.

Lil Princess was devastated this week that her best friend left school to move far away. She was in tears on Thursday, and Friday, and asked me if my best friend had ever left me… In that moment, I realised that at her age, and all through school, I actually didn’t have a best friend.

Life was such that we were busy with family functions, and the weekends were full of events. After school, play dates were hard as we lived a little out of the way from the others. Sure I went to parties and had them too. But I never developed that relationship with anyone that stuck.

We are all Facebook friends, and it is great to share news, pictures and stories, but it’s more as acquaintances, not real friends.

Of course, this changed at university when I met who would become my real best friend. Buzz and I (We were known as Woody and Buzz from ToyStory!) have known each other for nearly 25 years now and we know everything about each other. I am gutted that we don’t live closer, but we have that relationship that even if we don’t talk for a while, it’s like we had never stopped.

I knew a lot of people at university. I was very sociable. The life and soul of many parties. Yet when we all finished, it was Buzz that kept in touch with everyone, being closer to them. I still saw some once in a while but not as often as I would have liked.

Getting married made it harder. I had to conform to the norm of an Indian daughter in law to some extent, and that meant not so many trips away, or out in the evenings. There were always family commitments too.

Now, my circle of (real) friends is so small. There are a couple of mums from school and my Buzz. A few members of my family who are my age are also there in that category too.

Looking back, it makes me wonder… am I a good friend? A fairweather friend? A superficial friend?  I am not selfish. I don’t drop my problems on people all the time. I try to be there at good and bad times. I remember birthdays (most of the time!). I am always available for hugs.

I try so hard to be a good, if not great, friend. I know I have forged some really special relationships via this blog too. But would I be missed, if I was to disappear? it makes me quite lonely to think about this all.

Thinking back to Friday, I messaged my colleague who was so upset. She was so thankful that I checked up on her. And she wrote something so special to me, that she appreciated me so much, and looked up to me too. We are going to be working more closely together next term too so hopefully, our bond will grow.

Sorry for the ramble, I was feeling rather contemplative….

71 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tikeetha T
    Apr 10, 2017 @ 16:17:17

    Aww, poor baby. Just encourage your daughter to write her a letter and then they can find different ways to communicate when they get older. I completely understand about her heartache. Life happens Ritu, please don’t be so bad on yourself. Life gets in the way and in some instances culture and traditions and that doesn’t make you a bad friend. I love to send handwritten notes yearly and just a postcard to let people know that they are thought about.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Jo (Fallen Angel)
    Apr 08, 2017 @ 20:33:46

    I can relate. I see old school friends who still meet up with others even now. I’ve not really kept in touch with anyone from school. I think I find it hard to make close friends, and it’s probably a trust issue from my side. I do have two people I’d call true friends. We don’t see each other much but we keep in touch. I think I’d rather have quality over quantity but it takes me time to really let go and allow people in!

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Charlene Bullard - FaithtoRaiseNate.com
    Apr 03, 2017 @ 01:23:49

    Lovely post. I feel like that sometimes, am I being a good friend. It’s hard, because of my schedule and now my dedication to finish my books. I need to work on this!

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. amommasview
    Apr 03, 2017 @ 01:13:06

    I believe it’s about quality and not quantity. I have a couple of friends that I love dearly and I know they love me too. But I have only a handful of friends that I know are truly close and will do anything for me and vice versa. Please excuse me for dropping another link in your comments but I found it interesting to read your post and also now Tony’s comment just above the reply box here, wondering about the giving and taking in friendships. Here is something that I have learned: https://amommasview.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/blast-from-the-past-100/

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. joey
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 20:36:43

    I feel sorta the same, especially since marriage. HE is really my best friend, my daily confidant, so it leaves less room for others, which I suppose is how it should be, but I do sometimes miss the camaraderie of women I felt in my youth.
    Mentor and I are very close, to the point where if one of us leaves, the other may as well. I cherish that, but I don’t think I was that person at any other job.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Persia
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 20:03:28

    Ritu, you’re so lovely, you’d definitely be missed. Think of all the people you inspire. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. syl65
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 17:03:20

    I remember the friends from the neighborhood I grew up in and all the friend/acquaintances that I have worked with. I think if I were to leave, there would be that initial sorry to see you go but know one would be in tears. I’m sure we all cross someone’s mind with that “whatever happened to ?” question.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. LindaGHill
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 15:21:28

    Funny you should write this and I should come to visit, which I don’t do as often as I should, and read this post rather than the SoCS one first… You’re usually one of the first people to comment on my posts, but you didn’t yesterday. I came to see how you are. Because I missed you.
    If that’s not a random answer from the universe, I don’t know what is. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Apr 02, 2017 @ 17:42:56

      Aw Linda!!!!! Thank you! I’ve been a bit up in the air recently So I still read but haven’t commented as much as usual! Sorry!!! Xx

      Like

      Reply

      • LindaGHill
        Apr 02, 2017 @ 18:32:12

        Oh, please don’t worry. I’m certainly not one to complain – I’m away from WP and not visiting as much as I should. Perhaps I need to take a page from your book and not hold myself to having to comment every time I read. I’d get through a lot more posts that way!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Apr 02, 2017 @ 18:40:15

        I have found it to be the vest way for me. Obviously I do comment a lot too but if I have days where I just can’t… my like us an acknowledgement that I read the post!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Erika Kind
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 10:19:01

    I think that is something we encounter several times in our lives. It was even so emotional when my kids left school and we had the farewell party with the teachers. Most of all when the last one left elementary school since I knew all the teacher from all the three and even before aside from school. But how is it with people you are really close? It is a little bit like a death. We have to let go and the regular day changes because someone we appreciated or loved is not there anymore the way we were used to. But then again when the connection is really strong it won’t be a goodbye forever. When even the daily connection changes through modern technology we can stay in touch and meeting again becomes, even more, special and treasured. Life is a string of constant changes and unfortunately, people coming and going in our lives is part of it. But that way, at least I feel that way, we treasure everyone more and we feel through that change even better how much someone means to us. And the age doesn’t matter at all. But I think the younger someone is the harder it is because it feels so final. It doesn’t later when we are more able to move around physically but also virtually.
    So much to think about this subject but you already mentioned a lot, sis!

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. Judy E Martin
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 08:20:47

    Oh Sis. first of all, of COURSE you would be missed if you were to just disappear from the blogosphere, by so many people. I always love visiting your blog as you are fun, positive but not just that, you are senitive to others’ feelings and so suppoortive.
    I always feel that I am a forgettable person too! I know there have been occasions when I have been introduced to someone I have met before but they haven’t remembered me at all. I don’t see you as that sort of pereson though as you are bubbly and sociable and get involved with people.
    It sounds as though the friends thast you have are real friends and it is bettter to have just a few of those rather than loads of acquaintances!
    You are certainly my friend and I am proud to have you as one xxxx 💖💖💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. robbiesinspiration
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 06:10:44

    Hey Ritu, I also never had best friends really. All through life I have been a bit of a loner and, although I have great empathy for people and will go to great lengths to help people in need, I always felt that my younger sister (next one down), was the one who everybody liked the most. I don’t think it matters so long as you are happy in your life and with yourself as a person.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Apr 02, 2017 @ 08:24:50

      True. I do accept me as I am. I’m a positive person. I’m told my smile lights up a room. People know they’ll get no negative thoughts from me. But it’s very few who really know me…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  12. susieshy45
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 02:35:18

    Ritu,
    I was surprised when I read this post. To me you have always seemed to be the one woman who would have had lots of friends and a great friend gang in school and also in college, some of those friendships carrying on to adult hood.
    I am so like the woman you described in your post. I knew so many people in my school and college life but never had felt the need for a best friend as my mother and my dad were my best friends right through school and college. And then after I got married, it was my husband. Perhaps I don’t trust others so much that I can have a best friend.
    Now in my work place, I seem to have at least three friends, with whom I share intimate things but yet not all with one person.
    If they will miss me when I am gone, I am sure they will miss my work and what I have done but never me- thats for sure.
    Susie

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Apr 02, 2017 @ 08:22:53

      See its so crazy isn’t it! There are many of us who are alike in so many ways. I have always been surrounded by people in all situations. I’m sociable and adaptable so I can fit in with most groups. Maybe that’s why the solid friendships didn’t set… apart from my special Buzz.

      Liked by 1 person

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  13. Jennie
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 01:33:23

    Ritu, were you just in my brain and my heart, and writing my own story? That’s just how I am and how I feel. How did you know? Why is it that we givers, the people who always smile and are genuinely cheerful, we who care deeply for others, are the ones without tight bonds? Maybe I need to reach out more. This is a wonderful and thoughtful post!

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. colinandray
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 01:20:56

    Excellent thoughts Ritu. Self questioning is the only way I know that will take you to some satisfactory conclusions. The fact that you are thinking about it is really good! How can we ever understand ourselves unless we question those values that we see in others? Keep thinking! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Jim
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 01:14:11

    it is amazing how one life touches so many different lives yet we don’t see it even tho it’s right there in front of us.

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. sheldonk2014
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 01:12:33

    it hard
    to hardening your heart
    It’s a lesson I haven’t learned
    63 years

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Lisa A.
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 00:52:11

    I’m pretty sure you’d really be missed, Ritu! I’d miss you if you weren’t in the blogosphere.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  18. nildamacedopaulino
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 00:27:01

    Nice Post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. floridaborne
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 00:19:43

    During the different stages of life, we have different friends. For example, I noticed over the years that people who didn’t have children drifted away from those of us who did. My friends from college have little in common with me anymore, and my best friend from high school still hasn’t changed (which isn’t a good thing, she had a temper and only wanted to be around people she felt better than).

    Be the friend you are able to be. Providence will take care of the rest. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  20. willowdot21
    Apr 02, 2017 @ 00:01:17

    I would be very happy to have you as a really good friend Sis i think you are a lovely person! 💗💜

    Liked by 2 people

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  21. The Indecisive Eejit
    Apr 01, 2017 @ 23:54:52

    Don’t you think sometimes though that others perhaps think more of us than we realise.
    I’m like you, I have a very small circle of friends. Family commitments with Mum meant I wasn’t able to get out all that much, that said, the introvert part of me was secretly happy about that lol
    Once of my best friends I met on the net. We have know each other for around 15 years but we have never met in person. Other people can’t understand it, but for us it works perfectly well, although we do hope to meet soon 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  22. allthethings3
    Apr 01, 2017 @ 23:53:51

    I read a lot of memoirs and I ofteIn think, “Man, I want that kind of friendship!” I’m happy for them, that they have those people but I want to have that, too. I always find that when I change jobs or activities, we sort of drift. I’ve kept a few here and there but it’s just not the same when we don’t see each other every day. I’m an only child, my mom is gone, my dad never was and I wonder if that sometimes adds to my perceived loneliness. I try really hard to be positive and count my blessings but there are times when it just doesn’t work. I bet a lot of us struggle in this way. I think the only thing to do is to be a GREAT friend to other people and then it will just come back to you.

    Liked by 2 people

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  23. Tony Burgess
    Apr 01, 2017 @ 23:35:26

    I love this post because I think the same thing. If I were to leave something would I be missed. Would someone call me up to invite me for a drink or meal? I feel like I put more into a friendship sometimes than I get back.

    Liked by 2 people

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