Dirty Thoughts #ThursdayThoughts

05 Apr 2018 71 Comments

by Ritu in Family, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Just taking a break from my writing frenzy… almost 8,000 words in the last three days!

I’ve been reading parts of the manuscript out loud to my kids, but not all.

You see, there is … Shhhhh!…  S.E.X. in it! And a little other hanky-panky of varying degrees of naughtiness!

As I was censoring bits and reading it out, it got me thinking…

Why do the people of the country that produced the Kama Sutra, the country with the second largest population in the world (so someone must enjoy doing it!), and predicted to have the largest by 2050, still have such a stigma about S.E.X.? 

Whenever there is a scene on the telly that involves kissing, let alone S.E.X., the ‘telly changer’ is sought, to change the channel, or everyone is suddenly busy rustling papers or having an urgent conversation in another room?

If the latest Bollywood film shows a scantily clad heroine or a couple in a clinch, why is there always going to be people muttering about how they can’t understand how this ‘filth’ can be called entertainment?

Why, are problems of a sexual nature always hidden?

Sexuality, if not the preferred norm, swept under a carpet, never to be acknowledged?

Sure, I don’t want to go into the ins and outs (pun not intended!) of S.E.X. with my kids just yet. I don’t want to glorify it. They are only 10 and 12. But they know what it is. I just don’t want them to hear my descriptions (it’s not that graphic, honestly, but still, reading about naughty stuff to your kids? Sign me up for the Bad Momma Award right now!) just yet. They aren’t afraid to ask questions about sexuality either and I hope that by being open with them, if they were ever worried about ANYTHING, they felt they could come to us? (After all, I am the cool Flossing mum!)

But when something like S.E.X. becomes taboo, isn’t that the time we end up with other issues? It’s the thing that everyone wants to try, but isn’t allowed to, until marriage. And when you put these kinds of restrictions on anything, much like drink and drugs, don’t these same restrictions push certain youngsters to go behind backs and do things anyway? Is this not where you get more teenage binge drinking, rape, and forced S.E.X.?

Sure, there were plenty of sudden coughs and needing to get a drink when the smoochy scenes were on the screen in our house when I was growing up, but we still were able to talk to our parents. My brother, being a boarding school boy, was even more open about things, and as a result, it meant we became a family who didn’t hide things.

When I went to university, I didn’t find excuses to tell my parents when I was out for the night, and when the time came, I told them about my boyfriend, who later became my Hubby Dearest.

Okay, so I’m not going to discuss my bedroom gymnastics with my Pops and Mum, but I know If the need arose, I could. And after all, as my Pops said to my brother many years ago, when he asked if they still, you know, did IT… “We are human you know!”

Yes, they are… but that’s one image I can do without in my mind!

Anyway, here ends my rambling on my thought for the day!

71 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bunsareallthatyourequirehere
    May 01, 2018 @ 19:51:08

    Great post. It’s Vinnieh here, I set up a second blog. I liked your approach to the topic of sex. I think it’s best to be open about these things.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Charli Mills
    Apr 12, 2018 @ 16:46:32

    With tongue in cheek you address a deep topic! I laughed but also thought about your points. Having grown up the survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I raised my children to be aware. We think we protect children by keeping them in the dark on sexual matters, but there are many age-appropriate teachings (books, videos, and counselor developed scripts for unsure parents). Of course, reading mom’s fictional hanky panky is not appropriate, so good parenting call with that! I like that you read parts of your manuscript to them. My children were young when I went to college and I often read them my textbooks, including middle English literature. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful post!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Apr 12, 2018 @ 20:49:14

      Thank you for your thoughts Charli!
      I definitely think we aren’t helping our children by keeping them in the dark, but definitely need to give them knowledge, with a bit of a filter, so they are aware of the world out there. It is all too accessible at the moment for all kids, and some parents don’t actually know exactly what their children have access too…

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Charli Mills
        Apr 13, 2018 @ 01:59:26

        I was fortunate to raise children before the internet was so prevalent. What can be found is beyond extreme. Like you say, knowledge with filters.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Apr 13, 2018 @ 07:25:08

        This is definitely one aspect of parenting which had got harder, I think… Ignorance was bliss… I loved my childhood. It was either read or play outside, or play games with my brother or friends. Now, you might get a bit of reading out of them, but the outside… is experienced via YouTube Videos, and games are online…
        I’m glad my son plays Cricket and loves his bike, and that my daughter, though she is a little device mad, plays football, and goes to spend time with friends really, rather than virtually!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Charli Mills
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 03:05:30

        Keeping kids active is important, and it sounds like it’s even more important than ever to do so!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 05:49:16

        Absolutely!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. thebeasley
    Apr 12, 2018 @ 13:38:27

    Haha yes I definitely don’t want to hear about my parents & sex either!! But agree sex really shouldn’t be as much of a taboo as it. I think if sex was talked about more openly then teenagers wouldn’t turn to hardcore porn so much (which is not healthy for a young developing mind in my opinion- I’m actually ok with teenagers “reading”porn mags, but videos of hardcore sex being watched by teenagers is a big no for me. I could write a post on that!). Anyway, I digress. I also think there’s pressure on teenagers to lose their virginity before the legal age. If sex wasn’t such a taboo subject, I strongly believe these things wouldn’t be as much of an issue.

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Gloria
    Apr 12, 2018 @ 11:14:47

    Quite open about it with my kids (Little-Miss-Six still a bit young though). But when I was growing up it wasn’t talked about very much.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Midlife Smarts
    Apr 12, 2018 @ 09:54:53

    Funny read.Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. Jennie
    Apr 06, 2018 @ 20:59:37

    So funny, Ritu. And so true! You are handling the situation and questions with the kids well. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. robbiesinspiration
    Apr 06, 2018 @ 18:15:27

    Well done, Ritu, on getting some sex into your book. I grew up in a very conservative family and the thought of writing about sex makes me shudder.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. OIKOS™-Redaktion
    Apr 06, 2018 @ 11:44:02

    Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Jim
    Apr 06, 2018 @ 01:21:05

    oo la la! my imagination is running wild!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Trackback: Dirty Thoughts #ThursdayThoughts – The Militant Negro™

  11. Dan Antion
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 23:49:37

    I remember when our daughter was young and we were watching a movie that had some adult scenes. I would fast-forward through them and tell her “this is a boring part.”

    Liked by 1 person

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  12. Corina
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 23:12:53

    The most natural things are so often swept under the carpet, like sex and breast feeding, like its something dirty, which ends up making it a dirty secret. It happens in all societies.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Scott Andrew Bailey
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 21:48:37

    We watched Kinsey last night. Things have moved on but not a lot….

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Judy E Martin
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 20:58:37

    I agree that sex is rather swept under the carpet. When I was young there was a lot of coughing and going to make cups of tea when there were saucy scenes on TV, but unlike you, there is no way I could talk to my parents about it!I am not like that with my daughter though, I encourage her to ask questions despite cringing when she does hoping I’ll say the right thing! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. willowdot21
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 20:50:40

    There is so much taboo about sex. Sadly that can make life much more stressful.
    As for you Hun you are a cool mum and I am sure your children will be grateful for an open mum they can turn to.🐥💜

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. afternoonofsundries
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 19:30:17

    Lols! I love the idea of skimming through and the kids being like mom why are you pausing so long? (To skip over)

    You’re so so right. Being in a country founded by puritans who delighted in religious freedom but not sexual I can understand. Sexy stuff has become the norm on tv in the last 15 years but I can remember being scandalized when people kissed on tv or went into a bedroom (though we saw nothing). I agree if people don’t understand how their bodies work, sexually or otherwise there is a lot of confusion. When we don’t answer or kid’s questions or try to make something natural seem evil then a perversity seems to grow around the subject. I can also understand why 12 is not the age for this talk! You’re such a cool mom Ritu!

    Liked by 1 person

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  17. Erika Kind
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:53:18

    I think your kids won’t be the beta reader of the full version though… lol! But I think the reason, kids or also many people feel a bit funny when kissing or more is “happening” on tv it is because it is so private and personal. Happy writing, sis!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Ritu
      Apr 05, 2018 @ 19:16:24

      Thank you for your thoughts sis!
      No. I wouldn’t be expecting beta reading from them lol! But they are just so interested that I have to read parts to them, and they ask lots of questions, which is good.
      Also as I read, I see little mistakes, or I hear that things sound right, or not, and correct as I go!
      I know intimate moments are just that, but they are also a reality, so when appropriate, they shouldn[‘t be swept under the carpet, if you know what I mean!

      Liked by 1 person

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  18. pranabaxom
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:37:09

    Also, as you said in your post, if your work contains (sshhh!!) ” XXX”, I will be more than willing to be a beta reader😜if you are not going to spill the beans to my wife😃

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. pranabaxom
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:34:04

    “Why do the people of the country that produced the Kama Sutra, the country with the second largest population in the world (so someone must enjoy doing it!), and predicted to have the largest by 2050, still have such a stigma about S.E.X.?” – historically moral policing became strict in India with the advent of Islam and was cemented by Bible thumping puritan evangelists that followed the East India Company (although their patron saint, Robert Clive, whose statue adorns Saint James Park in London was an out and out debauch ). If you remember, the great poet Kalidasa was stabbed to death in the house of a prostitute (ganika or nagar badhus – literal translation “wife of the town”). In those days, nagar badhus were supposed to be versed in sixty four arts (kalas ) and the rich and the mighty used to send their sons to high class nagar badhus to ensure that their scions were well rounded in their education including politics. We traveled a long way from then to be in current dark ages of fatwas and moral police.

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. thealvarezchronicles
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:25:30

    I remember my mom coming up to me once when I was in high school and handing me a Cosmopolitan magazine opened up to an article “How to tell your children about sex”. lol

    Liked by 2 people

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  21. The V Pub
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:15:12

    Sex in your story? If you need anyone to proof read it, I’m available. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  22. LydiaA1614
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:03:00

    Ritu, this is so good! I actually couldn’t talk to my mother about it. In fact, when I released the news 20 years after the fact that I was date-raped on my grad night, My parents never said a single word. I applaud how you are handling it with your kids – answering their questions but leaving the big stuff until they are old enough. Thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Ritu
      Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:07:01

      I’m sorry you never felt comfortable enough to share with your own parents Lydia. {{{Hugs}}}
      I try really hard to be as approachable as I can because, especially nowadays, there is so much (mis)information available to everyone via the internet, that I want to know they are as prepared as they need to be…
      So far it’s worked. They tell me plenty, and ask enough questions, I just hope it lasts. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  23. colinandray
    Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:00:44

    My perspective with my two when they were younger was that that they either learn about it from us (their parents) or they’re going to learn it from their friends. Given a desire for realistic/factual information, it was a “no brainer”! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

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    • Ritu
      Apr 05, 2018 @ 18:04:34

      Absolutely Colin!!! I’ve already heard some of the playground theories and have had to correct them!
      And Lil Princess is due her ‘talk’ at school this coming term…Eeeek!

      Liked by 1 person

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