Jack and Jill – #RituStyle

Way back in May, I attempted the Story a Day in May challenge, and I have to proudly say that I managed to finish it. A short story, or scene every day. Some longer, some shorter. One that has developed into a novella that I hope to publish soon enough, some scenes that will debut in book two, and a few that may never see the light of day.


But there are a few that I think deserve an airing…

This one had the following prompt:

Choose a nursery rhyme. That is going to be the plot of your story. The key with this exercise is that now choose an author whose voice you love. Write that story with that character, but in the voice of the author you chose.

I chose Jack and Jill. Here is the full version.

 Jack and Jill went up the hill
 To fetch a pail of water
 Jack fell down And broke his crown
 And Jill came tumbling after 
 Up Jack got and home did trot
 As fast as he could caper
 He went to bed
 To mend his head
 With vinegar and brown paper 

And here is my little, silly take!

Jack and Jill held the pail between them, each with a hand on the handle, swinging it gently as they went up the hill.

Jack’s thumb brushed Jill’s hand, accidentally, she thought, as a quickening was felt in her heart, and quite possibly somewhere further south.

She glanced over to him, but he appeared oblivious. Probably all in her mind, as usual.

She didn’t know whose idea it had been to wash the car at the bottom of the hill, but she was more than happy to spend time with this gorgeous specimen. But, to wash, you needed water, and there was, conveniently, a well up at the top of the hill.

Nearing the well, Jill sped up, desperately trying to show how athletic and fit she was, by reaching the summit first, but she hadn’t counted upon the rock that Jack stumbled over.

She gasped as he fell forwards, but it looked like he was about to right himself. Then he lost his footing and went tumbling down the hill, the bucket racing after him because she had let go of it when he first stumbled.

She reached out into the air as if to stop him, but quite obviously that wasn’t going to help because she was still at the top, and he was, well somewhere near the bottom.

The car stopped his rolling, and, from where she stood, it looked like he’d managed to bump his head, rather nastily, on the bucket, as they rolled down, the bucket obviously thinking this was a fun activity, trying to get to the bottom first.

Jill carefully made her way to the bottom of the hill, as fast as she could, but ended the journey with a short tumble of her own. Brushing herself off as she stood, she cursed herself for hurrying.

“Jack! Are you okay? Oh my god, you’re bleeding!” A trickle of blood was making its way down his left temple.

“Am I?” He raised a hand to his forehead, searching for a sore spot, and finding the wetness, looked at the lowered fingers tinged with his blood.

Seeing his suddenly paled complexion, Jill sat down by his side. “Okay, now, what we are going to do, when you feel ready, is I’m going to help you up, and then get you in the car. I can drive us to the hospital – that is if you don’t mind me driving – and we can get you checked out.”

Rummaging in his front jeans pocket, Jack pulled out his set of keys. “Here.” He threw them over to her. “But no hospital. I’m fine. Let’s just go back to my place. I’ve got a first aid kit at home, and it’s nothing, really, just a little bump.”

“But, what if you’ve got a concussion?” Working as a Teaching Assistant at school, Jill was aware of the magic Wet Paper Towel method of making things better, but that was a good way to appease hypochondriac kids… This was a real injury! With blood! She got up and offered her arm to her patient.

“Nah, it’s not.” He took hold of her arm and pulled himself up, almost bringing her back to the ground in the process.

They got in the car, and she gently manoeuvred his precious VW Golf away from the hill, and back onto the road back home.

He stood in the bathroom, looking at his small, but impressive cut, right on his hairline. “At least I can hide that scar with all this hair.”

“Forget that for now, let me clean it, and put a plaster on.” Jill had located the First Aid Kit and taken out some antiseptic and a plaster. She led him to the bedroom, where he could sit down, and she was able to see the injury. “Hmm. It is a bit deep. Are you sure you don’t want to get it seen to? It might need stitches.”

“It’ll be fine.” He looked at my supplies, ready on the bed. “I don’t think Savlon will help. Look, let me sort this out.”

He disappeared to the kitchen, then back in the bathroom. A few moments later, he reappeared, reeking of vinegar, with a strip of brown paper wrapped around his head.

Taking in my look of shock mixed with confusion, he laughed. “Okay, so my name is Jack. Short for Jaikishen. I’ve grown up with a whole host of Indian home remedies, and this,” he pointed to his head, “is one. My Gran, back home, swears that vinegar heals anything.”

“But that’s got to sting!” My own eyes were starting to smart from the smell. Heaven knows what it felt like on his open cut.

“You’ll see, in the morning, it’ll be barely visible.” He sat down on the bed and pulled me down next to him.

“Oh, so I’ll be here to see that, in the morning, will I?” A bit presumptuous, but I wouldn’t mind.

“Well, I might need a night nurse…” He leant in for a kiss.

It would have been a bit longer, but I had to break it. I knew I was kissing the most handsome man ever, but I couldn’t stop thinking about food…

I settled him in his bed, tucking him in, and went to make a cup of tea.

Romance would have to wait until he smelled less like a fish and chip supper, complete with paper wrapping.

34 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Annette Rochelle Aben
    Nov 30, 2020 @ 21:35:48

    Love the romantic take… that last line made me spray my water. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person


  2. Jennie
    Nov 29, 2020 @ 02:30:12

    Oh, I loved this, Ritu!

    Liked by 1 person


  3. OIKOS™-Editorial
    Nov 29, 2020 @ 01:48:09

    You are really great in stretching the tension, Sis! Thank you for your efforts, and b the way the emoji with Sonu seems to be a statement. Lol Have a beautiful Sunday! Michael

    Liked by 1 person


  4. Darlene
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 15:21:01

    What fun! This turned out very well. Can you tell us who the author´s voice is you are using.

    Liked by 1 person


  5. pranabaxom
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 15:03:06

    Spoilsport! Romance has to wait….why?

    Liked by 1 person


  6. H.R Phoenix, Author
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 13:13:03

    Nice take!

    Liked by 1 person


  7. Aaliyazoya
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 11:47:57

    You should try this with other rhymes too!!! Oh please I am dying to read😁

    Liked by 1 person


  8. Aaliyazoya
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 11:47:24

    😁👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🎉🎉🎉 amazing 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person


  9. TanGental
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 08:55:44

    That’s a real rather excellent way into a romance

    Liked by 2 people


  10. jenanita01
    Nov 28, 2020 @ 08:50:03

    A brilliant version of an old favourite!

    Liked by 2 people


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