You know when you are swallowed whole by family?
Your individuality disappears as you are swallowed with a new identity?
You are no longer “you’, instead you are someone’s wife, someone’s daughter in-law, and eventually someone’s mum?
Well, OK, I know not everyone feels this, but there are a lot of Indian women who have found themselves in that position.
And as for motherhood being all consuming, that covers a much wider range of women.
After I had Lil Man, I took a year out, and then we were in a position that I could reduce my hours, and work part-time. This meant squeezing all I needed to do in 3 hours. It didn’t leave much time for socialising. I worked, quick chats, then left to go home to be mummy again.
Again, another year out when Lil Princess arrived, but this time the office had decided, rather thoughtlessly, to move location, where it just wasn’t feasible to do part-time. Luckily, with my in-laws support with the children, I was able to go back full-time, and realised that, along with the money being better, my sanity was being restored! I was no longer just mummy, but I was me again. Those hours between 10am and 6pm didn’t revolve around the children or conversations about the children, naps, feeding, nappies, and family, but I could talk about whatever I wanted, without interruptions. I could swear if I wanted!
Around the kids and family I needed to be sane, strict, sensible, controlled, with a smidgin of fun thrown in. Now I had whole days where I could almost pretend I wasn’t a parent, until 6.30-7pm… Then I would have the rush of being mummy intensivly for an hour or so, then being the good daughter-in-law and wife before bed, only to get up and do the same the next day. Not so great.
Now, being in school I believe I have it even better. I work school hours, so have plenty of time with my family, and the hours at school, I am not the kids mum, unless there is a problem, which isn’t often. I am Ritu. (Or Mrs Bhathal to the kids). I have a wonderful relationship with my colleagues, the conversations behind the staffroom door can be hilarious! If I’ve had enough at home, I can forget it and enjoy my day at work, or garner the perspective of someone unassociated with the family.
I feel I finally have my sanity back. I have my individuality back. I am me again. And I wouldn’t be able to say that without the people I work with. They accept me for me, who I am, and the children at school too. They think (know) I’m a little loopy, and I love that!
I love being a wife and mother. There is no greater blessing but it’s good to know that that isn’t all I am. There is something else that is important, and that is me being me.
But I Smile Anyway... 
Feb 09, 2016 @ 23:20:46
Reblogged this on georgeforfun and commented:
so filled with truths and reality of needing to remain our own selves not just parts of everyone else around us…………………… 👀 ♥ * ͜ * ♥ 👀
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Feb 09, 2016 @ 23:42:29
Thanks for the reblog George ☺
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Feb 09, 2016 @ 23:45:11
always a pleasure, dear Ritu ᕙ(💓▿💓)ᕗ
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Feb 10, 2016 @ 07:50:07
😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 23:56:59
Sis where do I begin. You are amazing in all the aspects of your life, you’re always the real you whatever your doing, just in different flavours😉 love yer😘
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 23:59:02
Aw bless you bro… But you know you’re biased!!! I always have to remind you n Erika!!! 😘😘😘
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Feb 06, 2016 @ 00:00:12
No just honest. Anyway shhhhhh, I’m just reading about you😉
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Feb 06, 2016 @ 00:19:10
Lol!!! Ok then, I’ll be quiet!! 😂😘😜😊
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Feb 06, 2016 @ 00:19:48
It was awesome☺
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Feb 06, 2016 @ 00:20:37
Thanks 😊😊😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 21:13:41
Hi Ritu! I love this post, it’s so refreshingly honest. You’re right, there are a lot of women who feel the way you do. It’s good to bring things like this out in the open, so that other women can see that it is normal and natural to feel this way and maybe they can be encouraged to do something about it like you did. 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 21:26:21
I totally agree. .. I hate to hide things, and I have found in the past that being open really does benefit others too 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 11:55:59
You have arrived in the middle of your world as it looks. Wonderful, Sis! I don’t know why, but I did not get notified about this post from WP…. 😒
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 12:59:21
It may be because I posted it a long time ago originally, and just changed the publish date xxx
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 15:41:18
Ah… ok, but anyway. When you publish something I need to get a notification. WP ?😈
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 16:52:56
It’s annoying I know! !!
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 17:00:52
Totally! Also a slow internet and forgetting the password of my laptop… but that was my fault… lol
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 17:04:31
Lol!!😂😂😂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 17:06:22
Hehe…. see…. stuff like this happens all the time to me… lol!
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 20:29:32
😊😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 20:39:38
😀😄😉
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 09:02:03
Aside, from the wifehood(if there is word like that :D) and motherhood, there is the womanhood. I totally agree with you Ritu. Thanks for sharing. I wrote something similar to this post in poetry form.
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 09:09:06
Thank you ☺we all need our me time ☺
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 10:01:42
Yes we do darling :D.
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 12:56:29
☺
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 08:55:25
I agree, it is so important to have a separate identity away from being a wife and mother. I felt like that as well after I had Miss Hap. 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 09:08:00
Totally sis ☺ we need time for ME!!
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 04:01:06
Great post, Ritu!! It sounds like you have a good balance. 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:54:54
Thank you Tonya 😊 the work side has got a bit more top heavy since I started full Tim teaching, but still, it is so important to get that balance just right!
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 03:40:17
🙂 Beautifully written!
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:52:41
Thank you 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 02:57:17
Wonderful post! I was a stay-at-home mom and we homeschooled. Loved every moment of it, but also loved doing things by myself and with my friends only! One of the most important aspects of being a mom/wife/… Is not neglecting the individual that you are. I believe that it makes for a healthier home life! Keep up the good work of nurturing Ritu! 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:52:29
Thank you! I’m sure many mums would identify with these thoughts. It is important to her that balance right, so you don’t totally lose yourself.
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 02:08:04
Yes… Very true… Women often get so busy with the home works, that they get very less time of their own. One way or other they fulfill wishes of family members thus having no time to wish for their own. Being a mother is special, my mother also says that often. Everyone in the world need just me time where they can be themselves and alone for sometime.. Thanks.. Have a great time Ritu.. 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:51:20
Thank you Jackue. It’s important to get that time Otherwise you end up a mere shell…
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:51:56
Yes, very true Ritu.. Me time is important… 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:58:08
Totally 😊 Happy Friday 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 01:46:15
I’ve gone through your situation when my girls were younger. I was also blessed that my mother could come into my home and care for my children when I was working. I totally agree that women need an outlet beyond being a mummy and defined by the family. I also lost that feeling of who I really was until I started to rediscover myself through interaction with the outside world. I’ve been past the caregiver stage to my two girls for many years, but did drift into a different role which is quite pleasant. I’m ‘me’ and I’m a ‘mummy’ whose always there when the moments arise. Wonderful story about the challenges women face as the primary caregivers.
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:50:08
Thank you Olga. It is a situation I thing most mums can identify with at some time 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 01:07:53
Yes. .. that is soooooo right especially Indian women where we loose identity as soon as we are married! But office is sanity and I love the respect, fun mee wee time. Doesn’t mean am less of a mother or wife 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:49:02
Precisely!!! We need our time, as much as anyone else, but it us sometimes hard to remember that, when you’re busy swapping hats all day, being wife, mum, daughter in law etc!
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Feb 04, 2016 @ 23:54:42
Even though I don’t have kids yet, I can relate to this post so much! Loved it 🙂
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 07:47:35
Thanks! It is so important to get that balance just right 😊
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Feb 05, 2016 @ 13:05:15
Very true Ritu!
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Feb 04, 2015 @ 20:53:48
Maybe one day I’ll be me too, I await the day…….
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Feb 04, 2015 @ 21:07:11
You’ll get there!!! ☺
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Feb 03, 2015 @ 22:28:57
I love this. I thought I was finished raising children…then we got custody of my grandson, he is almost three and we have had him since he was two weeks old. My job keeps me sane, is my social life, my escape…I can totally relate to this post!
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Feb 03, 2015 @ 22:31:13
😊 see, I knew I wasn’t the only one! I love my kids so much, my Hubby Dearest, and family are my life, but, you know, I am also ME!!!
Glad you understand!
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Feb 03, 2015 @ 22:37:47
Oh yes I do…I wouldnt trade my husband, kids or grandkids (or rest of the family) for anything…but I go to work and can just be me for a while with no worries of what to feed people, laundry to wash, dishes, etc lol.
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Feb 03, 2015 @ 22:39:27
Amen to that! 👏
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