…but you’re ok…

08 Nov 2015 83 Comments

by Ritu in Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: , , ,

Racism…

I don’t really think I’ve ever been a victim. Well, there’s not any real incident that I can recall in my 40 years on this planet, that makes me fume and think, “How offensive! Someone’s just been racist to me!”

Then I think a little deeper. It’s not always just cut and dried, is it? I can clearly recall a conversation at 6th form, when the girls in my class were 16-18, starting the whole pub/club social life, and a certain girl, who I always got on well with, was commenting on the cab drivers they always seemed to get. “And they are always those greasy p***s! [to me] but you’re ok!”

All through my school life I was a minority. In a private girls school, and for most of the time, I was the only coloured skinned girl. A meek, quiet little Sikh girl. I’d never experienced any differentiation from my classmates and friends, though as we got older, most assumed that Ritu wouldn’t be out in the evenings (which was true, I was a good Indian girl!)

So, that comment, I laughed off, saying that geographically that was incorrect anyway, I was not Pakistani! And then I didn’t really think much of it… But, some people may have taken extreme offence to the comment.

Again, cultural stereotyping hit when I went out with some old work colleagues for the first time. So, we were showing party tricks, and when it was my turn, I, ahem, showed a lovely way of folding your napkin, to make it look like a male appendage (flesh coloured napkins made it all the more effective!) and someone exclaimed, “Ritu! We thought you were a good Indian girl!” Well, actually, yes, I am, but I’m also human too, born and bred here in the UK, grown up with the same surroundings as your average Brit ( with the Indian/Kenyan masala thrown in!)

I’ve always been taught to be a tolerant person, educate the ignorant. If someone has a question, however silly, about my culture or religion, I’m happy to answer it, if I can. I’d rather someone felt they could come to me and ask why my ‘people’ wear those things on their head, or what am I wearing that bangle on my wrist for? Or my favourite, ” How come you have so many uncles/aunties/brothers/sisters?” (Extended Indian family! A great thing! One to post about later,me thinks!)

My best friend, and someone I think of as a big sister, is Muslim, and over the years we had many comments thrown our way, about how come a Sikh girl and Muslim girl could be so close… Why not? I’d ask. We’re all human. I don’t check people’s cv’s before befriending them! Her family are like my own, (yes, I know, as if my extended family isn’t big enough already!) and when I go there, I respect their beliefs, as she does ours when she’s with us.

After 9/11, again, I didn’t really feel any negativity, but my Dear Pops, with his turban, had a few small incidents, where the ignorants assume all turban wearing Sikhs were Muslim like Bin Laden. And my brother, with his huge mixed bag of friends, seemed safe, out and about. Had he been in a group of Asian lads though, it might not have been the same.

Maybe we’ve been out, and someone has thrown an off colour remark in our direction, but I think selective hearing just kicks in, as I just tend to smile at the person and carry on whatever I’m doing.

So, have I experienced racism? I’m not sure… Ignorance definitely, but with a smile and with my words, I hope I have helped some people along the way, educated them so they don’t ‘tar’ all communities with the same brush used for a select few (extremists anyone? From any/every religion/culture)

Your thoughts….

83 Comments (+add yours?)

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  2. Wafflemethis's avatar wafflemethis
    Nov 11, 2015 @ 00:53:58

    Beautifully put my dear little sister.
    I think we’ve discussed this issue before and you know my views.
    There is nothing that gets to me more than small minded bigots that stereotype anyone whether racially or sexually.
    I really don’t know what the problem is Kentish people are still human beings you know☺

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. amommasview's avatar amommasview
    Nov 10, 2015 @ 08:03:02

    I feel sorry for people who can’t see the person but only the religion or the skin color or whatever they want to see. A friendship is a friendship, no matter what. You feel connected to a person for an entirely different reason than heritage, religion, skin color or whatever. It’s coming from the heart. And that’s how it should be. Hey, maybe you should send the link to this to artists4peace?

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. lbeth1950's avatar lbeth1950
    Nov 10, 2015 @ 02:57:40

    I worked in a med school for so long, I rarely think in terms of race, religion, or culture, but have never been shy about asking about holidays, cultural beliefs, customs so, and beliefs. Every year I had open invitation to med students at Christmas and shared the day with Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Atheists. I only cared about friendships.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. TanGental's avatar TanGental
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 18:21:52

    I cringe at the ignorance behind some comments, where any group is tarred by a brush be it migrants or benefit cheats or people of this or that religion, culture, geographical region. If you believe in Dunbar’s number https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number it’s about how we adapted millennia ago, into villages of certain sizes so we tend to view ‘our own’ and seek to find differences to explain unfairness or threats. You’ve done well to rise above provocation but it still needs a Mad Eyed Moody Constant Vigilance! I enjoyed this post and thread.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. New Journey's avatar New Journey
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 16:28:32

    Good morning….racism, such an ugly word….when I was young, 3rd grade we lived in the Olympic National Park/rainforest in the Northwest of Washington State…I was one of the 2 only white girls in the grade, I was in a class from first through 6th grade, a very small school….anyway I went to school with Indian kids and I was the minority so I was laughed at, taunted and called all sorts of names I didn’t understand, that was my first time I had ever thought about people being different….I always was raised that we are all humans and many of us are different, but were all the same…as my mom said, we all bleed red…so that was eye opening…then later in life I dated men from other countries, wow I didn’t realize just how jaded the world is until you become part of that….I wish people could hear themselves maybe they would think twice before they opened their nasty mouths….good post….and I can say I am a white American and I have experienced racism up close and personal for just having friends from other countries….not a pretty thing….kat

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Nov 09, 2015 @ 19:56:00

      Thanks for sharing your experiences Kat. Racism.is an ugly word, you’re right, and it can happen to any race… What your mum said is so true, we all bleed red. I like that!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. kritsayvonne's avatar kritsayvonne
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 10:10:34

    I’m late to this post, but I just want to add that as a blogger you make a positive contribution by gently enlightening people to your view of your culture. I remember that I’d been following you for quite a while before I thought, ‘Oh, Ritu is Sikh, that’s interesting’.
    As someone who chooses to live in Crete, Greece (without a good grasp of the language) I have benefited from friendship and generosity from my neighbours’ in a way we could never have expected as ‘foreigners’. However, one close neighbour disliked us from day one, blanks us and fails to answer when we speak. It seems they are prejudiced against us so we continue to be polite and enjoy the interaction from other people.

    I love the thread generated by your post. X

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Nov 09, 2015 @ 13:22:22

      Thank you Yvonne! I think we all have a duty to spread knowledge… Ignorance is what is the biggest problem… I am so pleased with the conversation that the post generated too! ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. Sakshi D. Bhatia's avatar jade0207
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 09:55:27

    I wholeheartedly agree with you. It’snot always blunt and clear. Great post. You really have a way of writing. Your voice that keeps us hooked I’m ?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. mynameisemmanuelmuema's avatar Emmanuel Muema
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 09:11:07

    Hi Ritu, It has been quite some time. Great post. Racism totally sucks. If I get a greencard by chance I will be really worried about going to the US.
    Anyways, I have a quize for you. I recently changed my blog URL from mynameistune.wordpress.com to https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/..about a month ago
    …My questions…
    1. How did you find me?
    2. Do i still appear in your reader or feed?

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. Carolina Russo's avatar YesterdayAfter
    Nov 09, 2015 @ 08:59:30

    Great post Ritu! I am here also to announce that YOU are the FEATURED of the week on my Blog!!! Congratulations! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. Steve McPherson's avatar Steve
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:46:15

    One day everyone will accept everyone just for what they are…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:55:17

      That’s my hope Steve… And if enough of us feel like that, hopefully it’ll happen sooner rather than later, and our kids will grow in in a more accepting world 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Steve McPherson's avatar Steve
        Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:55:54

        Failing that, we could all just move to a new planet lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu's avatar Ritu
        Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:57:41

        Ah but which one?! Lol! Here’s to things changing here soon then so we don’t need to be too drastic lol!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Steve McPherson's avatar Steve
        Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:59:05

        Agreed. But it would be a nice day out lol. Maybe Saturn? You might think no one lives on Saturn but has anyone ever actually thought that there might be people loving inside the planets rather than on the surface? Ah hah!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu's avatar Ritu
        Nov 09, 2015 @ 00:01:52

        Oooh! I see you’ve been thinking about these things rather deeply! But who’s to say we won’t meet with prejudice there too??! Still, a day trip would be good…(though it probably takes years to be there lol!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Steve McPherson's avatar Steve
        Nov 09, 2015 @ 00:04:15

        Good point! However prejudice isn’t something people are born with its learned from others and I don’t beleive any Saturnites would have been born prejudice. As for the time to take to get there well just think how many sing songs we could have on the journey. Woo hoo space trip. Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu's avatar Ritu
        Nov 09, 2015 @ 00:08:10

        Sounds like a plan! I’m always up for a sing song!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Fourth Generation Farmgirl's avatar Fourth Generation Farmgirl
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 23:44:40

    Ritu, this is such a thoughtful and positive post on a topic that’s often difficult to discuss. Thank you for presenting it with such sensitivity and understanding as well as enlightening others in the process. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. Erika's avatar Erika Kind
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 22:44:07

    … but you’re ok… that says a lot! I thank you for this great post, sis! Although racism has gotten less it still is around. It got stuck somewher in the back of people’s brains without them even noticing. That’s why it is so important to simply show and live a life where everybody may just be who they are. No privilege and no discrimination. I love how you said, you don’t check on anybody’s cv’s before you befriend them. I hope one day everybody will first recognize the beautiful being within and then even treasure however the other one appears physically.

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Dara's avatar Dara Reidyr
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 22:38:29

    It’s funny Ritu, my husband is black, I’m white, and we live in the southeastern U.S. Now, that isn’t to say that the northern states don’t have racism in the U.S., they do, but we have experienced indirect and direct racially related issues. My husband was recently called the “N” word but he just shirked it all off because he sees himself as a human being. It’s like as a female, being called the “B” word once, I think when I was a teen actually so that was a long time ago, I shirked it off too because again, I saw myself as a human and the person as ignorant. Unfortunately, this world is full of perceptions that have been handed down through family’s or just through learning via media and such of wrong thinking. I do wish we could all just “be”. I live in a town in the U.S. with a high Indian population and most do not interact with the locals, but that goes for most foreigners that live in my area. I wonder if its due to this feeling of being outside the culture or would it be different for those raised in the U.S.? Hmm, I do try to smile and make people feel welcome but I never want to offend a person. This was a great post Ritu!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Nov 08, 2015 @ 22:45:02

      Thank you for reading! It is such a touchy subject. I’m totally like you, more likely to allow certain things to go unnoticed, or actually I really don’t hear them, because hey, I’m me! Not that Indian girl, I’m just Ritu!
      The whole communities in cliques thing is common here too. I guess they feel safety in numbers. I grew up in Birmingham, where certain areas have a very high Indian population, and you find the separate religions have certain areas too. We lived outside all this, its just where my dad bought his dental practice, so I didn’t get much of that ‘being with our own’ feeling. I was just part of our street, you know!
      I got married and where I live now, is teaming with Indians, and I do have to bite my tongue when I see some of the cliquey behavior! But it doesn’t stop me being me! And I’ll keep it that way too 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  15. dorianwitch's avatar Josh Wrenn
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 21:42:27

    Where I live anyway, there is an institutional racism that takes the place of overt racism. Being in the group that generally holds most of the power, I don’t feel it, which is how I know it is real.

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. Life Outside : JEM Script, Satire and SS's avatar Life Outside
    Nov 08, 2015 @ 20:49:36

    The statement “Black Lives Matter” may be racist in excluding non blacks?
    All lives matter may be more inclusive?
    Semantics is playing about with words and fitting words into very odd places.
    Try this one on for example :

    The expression “to be honest” may infer that the speaker may have been dishonest in the past. What were you before that statement? … may be asked.

    Why identify as black lives only matter when to be honest all lives matter.
    Are there many posters / signs erected on residential streets?
    And each individual may react differently when confronted with any printed messages while preoccupied by their own thoughts.
    Then reading a sign … “is that directed at me?”
    Should everyone erect signs? We could communicate by cardboard signings.
    Do all lives matter …

    Satire
    Dandahan4.com

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Nov 08, 2015 @ 21:08:39

      Its all perception, isn’t it?
      All life’s do matter, you’re right, but sometimes I guess, such things happen, that means a particular race feels they HAVE to fight back. Recently the slogan was changed to say ‘Sikh Lives Matter’ hilighting the unrest in Punjab, and innocent Sikhs being killed by police….

      Like

      Reply

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  19. Persia's avatar Persia Karema
    Feb 24, 2015 @ 17:39:42

    *couldn’t imgaine her NOT in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. Persia's avatar Persia Karema
    Feb 24, 2015 @ 17:38:51

    I mentioned this is a post yesterday about one of my best friends who is, a Muslim. I am Church of England. Our friendship has been going strong for twenty years this year. I love her so much, and couldn’t imagine her in my life – regardless of what anyone else thinks. Your last paragraph is spot on. Thanks for this post.

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. Judy E Martin's avatar edwinasepisodes
    Feb 24, 2015 @ 14:46:05

    I think being positive is a a good way of dealing with things. Education is also important as well. People seem to be afraid of things that they do not understand or not know anything about, I too don’t look at people’s cvs, colour, race. creed or sexuality when I befriend them. Being a good person is all that matters to me. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Ritu's avatar Ritu
      Feb 24, 2015 @ 16:38:58

      Exactly! And I actively encourage people to ask questions if they don’t know if understand something about our culture. I’d rather give them the correct information, rather than they go on thinking something which could be wrong… And which could also colour their opinions in a negative light.

      Liked by 1 person

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  22. sunsetdragon's avatar sunsetdragon
    Feb 24, 2015 @ 04:13:35

    So well written and so thought provoking. TY.

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. Ritu's avatar Ritu
    Feb 23, 2015 @ 23:08:38

    Reblogged this on But I Smile Anyway… and commented:

    Just one of my early posts… Care to read?

    Like

    Reply

  24. trissh1's avatar Trish
    Dec 30, 2014 @ 16:22:01

    Great post, Ritu. I have heard and seen the backlash on the Muslin community and anyone who is mistakenly perceived as Muslin as your father has. You do seem to handle such things with poise, dignity and a positive attitude. That is the only way to diffuse a situation like that…..with a positive attitude.

    Liked by 2 people

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  25. Stacey Kite's avatar Stacey Kite
    Dec 16, 2014 @ 22:00:00

    I love this post, particularly how gentle your are in making your point. You assume (and I think correctly) that often, when people say something casually offensive, something that could be interpreted as racist, or sexist, or homophobic, they are often not speaking out of hate, but ignorance. Or thoughtless social stupidity.

    I have a friend who has said things to people of color that make me cringe inside. She has no malice in her heart, I know that, but they don’t. She is a social idiot. If it dawned on her, for even an instant, before she stuck her foot in her mouth, how her comments could be interpreted, she would never make them.

    Every one of us has said something stupid to someone at some time, and will do so in the future. And most people, regret it. Of course there are those that are trying to hurt. That’s a different beast altogether in my mind.

    So thank you, for being kind to social idiots and trying to educate them instead of getting angry at them. I believe that approach will do far more good in the long run.

    Of course, we aren’t talking about vicious, malicious racism, here. That’s a different beastie altogether.

    Liked by 1 person

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