“What are they?” I hear you ask yourself.
Us.
They are us. Or at least quite a lot of us.
Ok, let me explain myself a little clearer. On a recent post of mine about my Lil Princess and her trip to the O2, I had a short exchange with Kat, where she said she was proud of me!
No no, we should be proud of the little performer, not me!
But the explanation in her comment made me thing…
And it got me thinking.
We are, in general, a much more fearful type of parent than ours before us. I am not, by any means, saying that our parents were uncaring, or unfeeling and not bothered by our safety, when we were growing up.
Of course, they were.
But they didn’t have all the knowledge that we have now.
The knowledge of all the awful things that happen out there in the Big Wide World.
We can thank the Media for that.
All through time, bad things have happened to people, adults, and youngsters. Kidnapping, abuse, murder, acts of war and terrorism. It has always been there, but before, you were highly unlikely to know about, for example, an abduction case in Mississippi, sitting in a small village in England, because it wasn’t covered in our papers.
Yet now, thanks to t’internet, we can browse through world news sites, and find out the horrors that occur around the world, 24 hours a day… and thanks to Social Media, things get posted, and reposted, and like with Chinese Whispers, sometimes things get twisted out of proportion… And God forbid something like that happen to our darlings!
And who suffers, as a result of us becoming so much more aware of dangers?
Kids.
The thing is, we don’t get to know about the percentages, the ratios, the probabilities of these kinds of happenings. We just know they happened. So in our minds, they could happen to our kids too.
Remember your own childhoods?
Walking to school alone from young ages. In the holidays, disappearing as soon as you were allowed, and only appearing for mealtimes. Sure your mum knew who you were with (most of the time), and where you were (again most of the time!) but there were no mobile phones, so you couldn’t be checked on unless someone physically went out.
Freedom. That’s what we had. Or more freedom than we seem to give our kids now.
I am definitely not one to preach. I am just as bad. I have always taken my kids to, and from school. They don’t go to the park alone. They only stay at their grandparents without us.
Why? Because of the fear that ‘something’ will happen to them.
And what does this do to our kids? Well, it is only going to rub off on them. And will they not grow up to become fearful of everything?
And now, I am on the crux of another pretty scary time, where my Lil Man is concerned. He will be starting Secondary School soon, in September. Big school! I have been lucky as I was in the same school teaching, so I always had an overview of what was going on. But soon, I will be away from him. He will have to do so much independently, and I remember posting about my fears before regarding him starting to do things himself.
And I can proudly say, that I have realised he is growing up!
He hasn’t even walked to the local shop (30 seconds away) on his own, to get me some milk, let alone walking to school alone! I know I need to remedy this now.
He is still very much a Lil Man, in every sense, size and stature, but he is a big character, and the last year have seen such changes in him, confidence-wise, and even with his own use of common sense!
He will be away mid this year, for 4 nights, with his class, which will be an amazing experience, and it is also his birthday when he is away. But he is going. I know a few people who have refused to let their kids go, for all sorts of silly reasons, but no, he needs to do this.
And Lil Princess, singing at the O2, a huge venue, where she was there with over 7,500 kids, and triple that in the audience, but not with me. I’m surprised I wasn’t nervous!
I, for one, am being much more proactive about giving them these chances… I can’t say the same for the rest of the adults in the family!
My Mother-in-law dotes on her grandchildren, and whenever there is a time where they are going to be doing something out of the ordinary, she starts dreaming silly things! The O2 trip, for example, brought on a dream that we were going there, and we lost Lil Man in the crowds! Oh, she has woken up in the past crying out their names too!
I am rambling on now, but the main point… we need to give our kids a little more chance to be independent, and to make choices of their own, without clouding our judgement because of what we read on Google that morning…
Don’t project your fears on them. It’s natural to have concerns, but we need to let them unfurl their wings and fly unaided at some point. So why disable them, by not giving them the chance to practice from an early age? This only means that, as they get older, they will find it tougher to be independent, and also, they will carry those fears themselves, and possibly not take opportunities, for fear of ‘something’ happening.
Do I make any sense?
But I Smile Anyway... 
Feb 02, 2016 @ 17:33:26
You absolutely DO make sense. I believe we struggle with this more than ever, but the statistics say the rates of terrible things are less than what they were when we were young.
I seriously struggle with this. You’d think on kid 3, I’d be better at it, but I’m not so much. When my kids were small, especially the thinner/littler ones, I’d worry they’d get lost in crowds, too.
Just today (when I answered the phone) it was Sassy asking to go home with a friend. Spontaneously. I said yes, but I would have been much more comfortable saying no. Fear is friend and foe.
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 17:35:05
It is so hard,but we really need to try, for our kids sake!
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 03:39:51
You do. You very much do.
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 07:56:09
Thanks Gabe! 😊
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 00:49:41
You make perfect sense to me, Ritu, and the worry is real. But I don’t think the world is all that more dangerous than it used to be, just for different reasons. We survived and benefitted from freedoms granted by those more trusting parents. Try to remember that as you start to let go. 💖
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 07:53:41
No it isn’t any more dangerous… It’s just that awareness is greater, so you feel things are more likely to happen….
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 12:48:03
We had 30 minutes a day of national news on TV…that made all the difference. We are now overwhelmed with news media, and their quest for advertising $$ trying to get our attention. And of course, social media, internet. We should all scale it back for peace of mind, I think. Take care. 💖
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 13:21:06
It is constant… you take care too 😊
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 22:07:04
I can’t begin to say enough about what you are talking about
I have had my share of craziness with my daughter
Unfortunately school is not always the safest place
But I won’t get into that
Great post Ritu
Sheldon
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 22:27:40
Thank you Sheldon… it is a tough issue to broach indeed…
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:41:06
I share your insight as well Ritu,we are in general a more fearful parents that ours before us,For quite a while my oldest son had been fussing about going to school with his younger one without supervision,for weeks and weeks it was a topic for discussion,with his dad and I. One day I decided to walk them to a nearby area, and then let the commuter take them from the nearby bus-stop,,My heart almost came out of my mouth,as my mind went imagining all kinds of danger,As soon I got home i had to call the class teacher to know if they were already in school. In the last one week till date ,he now come s home from school with his brother and it like they are enjoying it. The other day, they told me how they were both talking about stuffs as they were coming home(bonding more and more as they both have to look out for one another.
It’s a new experience for them and gradually they are learning to deal with life and be smart especially when it comes dealing with others. we cannot always hold on to them for fear for to long, they got to grow and figure out things for themselves.
Thanks for sharing ❤
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:55:20
Thanks for the comment!
It is all us and our worries, so it is important to let them do this now, and gain that independence. Much as we would like to, we can’t be there for them 100% of the time…
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 21:20:12
That’s so true. love to yours, a big congrat to the princess once again 🙂
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 21:45:35
Thank you and big love to you n yours too 😊
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Feb 02, 2016 @ 10:23:36
You are welcome. 🙂
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:20:43
The helicopters definitely hurt the children. Bad things are going to happen, and no matter how much a parent tries, they can’t shield their kids from everything. Kids need to learn how to deal with it as kids, so they can cope as adults. I think a little common sense is all it takes, not allowing the fears of all the things that COULD happen prevent kids from experiencing all the good things that will.
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:38:48
Totally what I mean Josh… but it’s easier said than done, a lot of the time ….
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:41:32
I’m sure it is.
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:55:28
☺
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 19:45:18
You make perfect sense. And I think you’re right. Kids today are more sheltered, mine included. But I do try, like you, to give them freedom along the way too. Parenting is a difficult job, to be sure. I don’t want my kids to dependent or scared or not confident. They have to experience to grow. Great post! 😃
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:10:05
Thank you! It is a tough thing but so important for us, as parents, to ensure!
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 21:44:57
I agree! I want my boys to be adventurous and gung ho, not afraid of the world.
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 21:46:36
Yup yup! I agree totally! !
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 19:30:06
It is a bit of a tricky one Ritu. We have to give them some freedom, yet we worry ourselves sick when we do! I head my heart in my mouth when I waved Miss Hap and her little friend off to secondary school. They looked so small and they had to get the bus to town, I worried about everything, even them crossing the busy roads, I don’t think that worry ever really does go away!
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:09:17
I know it won’t. .. I just have to learn to hide it!!
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:15:32
That is the hard part! 🙂
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 20:37:52
Absolutely! 😐
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 00:42:42
Love this post! It can be tough to give kids a feeling of safety without projecting our fears. A little bit of freedom at a time is needed. X
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 07:53:47
I agree, it’s a tough balance yo get right, but we must try, eh!
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:03:19
Great post, sis! That reminds me of the saying: “When kids are little give them roots, when they grow up give them wings.” Of course I always wanted to protect my kids but much more I wanted them to learn how to deal with life and how to act in certain situations. Tucking them into velvet (as we say) does not help at all. I sent my daughter to England when she was not even 16 yet. She wanted it and I supported her. I want my children to live their life.
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:05:16
That’s the was we should be sis! !!
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 08:44:35
I absolutely think so too, Sis! 💖
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 22:39:13
First thank you for the shout out and writing a post on my fears…LOL and how true, when we were growing up there was no fear…never….I went everywhere alone or with a friend…we lived in a small town, but sometimes they are the worst…we walked a good 1/4 mile to and from school every day..kindergarten, we stopped and played in the leaves, took candy from strangers and never once had fear…a good part of my life I was raised in the Olympic National Park…..we went to the beach, roamed with strangers from all over the US and world…never had fear, ever….looking back with all the knowledge I know now…wow I would of never ventured out of the yard…LOL later in my life in high school we were still wandering all of a town of 30K….not huge but big enough….not long after I married did I start to see a change in the world….in 1976 I would of never thought of walking down the side streets of the town I lived in….violence had started to reek havoc on the streets of America….in my opinion of course….since I read your first post, I started thinking back, I did let my son go to Yosemite with the school in 5th grade,,,of course I worried but he went, he was fine and my fear didn’t overcome me….my daughter in her first year of college, she was 18, went to London to live and work through a program in the college….she was very independent….of course I worried the entire time…but she came through it a better person and fell in love with London…I guess my biggest fear I had to deal with was the fear of my kids being taken from me….airports sent me over the top…I never leashed them like an animal…however I wanted to…LOL I would of let my kids be part of such a wonderful opportunity as the O2….I might have had a couple shots to get through it…but I wouldn’t of kept that from my kids..I am so proud of all the young mothers that encourage there children to do and go as far as they can when it means being out of sight and sometimes in another town, or state….knowing what the world has become…hats off to you all…….thank you Rita for wanting to write a post based on my fears…thank you…..kat
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 22:43:07
Thank YOU Kat, for giving me the inspiration to write it! I really understood your fears, as, being a mum myself, I have had the same thoughts and worries, but I realised that I really have to ‘let go’ so they can live their lives too! We are all in the same boat, with this one, but what to do, eh!!!!
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 22:45:52
I agree….but it was so much easier way back then……hats off to all the young parents…..kat
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 22:50:43
Yup, I agree that in that instance it was way easier… Ignorance is bliss, eh!
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:31:29
I am not sure it was all ignorance or life was just so mych different…I can remember the first time I heard the word terror…it was after 9-11…..I am not sure If I lived out of the loop of life, I was never a news follower, or was life really that much safer??? but it is true ignorance is bliss in many situations….LOL
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:36:24
Lol! I think there were a lot of us who didn’t really understand terror until 9/11 happened…
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:42:34
yes the world really did change on that day for a lot of us….I understand that there was another entire world out there but I was never privy to the going on’s of the middle east and all those places…Sarajevo was an eye opening situation during the Olympics but I guess I was naive and thought it only pertained to the situation…looking back on my life growing up, I really never watched any news and stayed away from government issues unless it was during a world wide event….pretty sad actually, I really was only living in my own little safe world…..its a bitch when you have to grow up…LOL
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Jan 31, 2016 @ 23:47:30
You’re telling me!!!!
I remember being off sick the day everything happened. I was watching TV, and my dad was like, check the news!
Then we started getting told that London was on high alert, especially Canary Wharf, which is where my then Fiance, was… (He is now Hubby Dearest!) It frightened the life out of me, wondering if he would be ok there…
When we had the 7/7 incident here in London, we were again lucky, as I had just had one of my children, and Hubby was on Paternity leave, so hadn’t been in the city that day…
But you know what, media has made the world a smaller place, but that means that good, as well as bad is transferred much quicker too!
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 00:00:28
Yes the internet and fast updating media has really made the world assessable to all on a minute by minute blow….I can remember 9-11 like it was yesterday….my son was just a young teenager and her thought it was a Hollywood stunt…I know my life changed that day….my best friend who lives in New York lost lots of friends on tower 1…..still chokes me up….kat
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Feb 01, 2016 @ 00:09:27
😊😊😊😘😘😘
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