#JusJoJan Daily Prompt – Jan. 23rd/17 – Compromise

23 Jan 2017 31 Comments

by Ritu in #jusjojan, Challenges, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: , , , , , , ,

Day 23 of Linda’s #JusJoJan challenge hosted by the dear Judy Martin my blog sis! Find her here!

The Just Jot It January 23rd prompt, brought to you by Ritu of But I Smile Anyway is: “Compromise.” Use it any way you’re inspired to. And make sure you stop by and say hi to Ritu as well! Here’s her blog: https://butismileanyway.com/

Oh look, it’s my prompt! Oh well, here goes!

“Compromise. It’s another word to describe marriage.”

This was part of some advice I was given a few months before taking my nuptial rounds with Hubby Dearest.

And for all intents and purposes, it is very true, especially for us Indians.

I know it probably happens less now, but the usual system was that a couple got married, whether love or arranged, and then they lived with the in-laws.

This was exactly what we did too. It was no big deal, to be honest. It’s what all my cousins and other family members did too.

But the statement above helped me so much through my early married life. I can’t quite explain how, but I’ll try!

When you get married and move in with another family, it can be a culture shock, even when you are from the same background!

Each family has their own foibles, their own traditions and quirks, and as the bride, you have to be the one to go through all the changes to fit in with your new family.

It’s easier to be like them, instead of fight it, isn’t it?

Not really.

My mum always said to me to never lose myself once I got married. She was a really outgoing person and had so many aspirations, but due to the totally different mentality of her in-laws, she had to curb her personality, and desires, and be the good housewife, which she was, and is, to perfection. But in those days it was expected. There was no other choice if you wanted an easy life. She did eventually get to be more herself, but for a sizeable chunk of her married life, she was subdued.

The above advice made me realise that I had to be malleable. I had to be like a reed in the wind, blowing in the wind, bowing down, but not breaking.

Life was incredibly different for me when I got married, from the food that was eaten, to  what was expected of me as a daughter in law.

I started by making huge compromises. I didn’t lose myself, but I simply put myself on hold, and dived deep into this new family life. I did all the things they wanted and hoped I would do. And once I got the trust of my new family, I started to change things.

Because I bent into their ‘shape’, it became easier to coax them to do things differently too. And therein lies the beauty of compromise.

If you learn how to use the art of compromising corrrectly, it may take a little time, but things become easier.

Compromise. It can be a wonderful thing! 🙂

jjj-2017

31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Just Jot It Jan 23 – Compromise | Linda G. Hill

  2. Deborah Drucker
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 19:56:34

    I can imagine it had to be difficult. I was not living in the same house with my inlaws but my M-I-L was overbearing many times. It took me many years to finally stand up. And I think our relationship actually improved after I did. I was really a nice daughter in law to her and I think she did really appreciate that. I try to be sensitive to how I am with my D-I-L now.

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  3. Linda Ann - Nickers and Ink Poetry and Humor
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 17:57:07

    I just sort of stumbled onto your JustJoJan — but I used your “compromise” prompt in a poem on my Nickers and Ink site:

    Treading Plodder – A rhyming bill on the dreaded ‘mill

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. willowdot21
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 13:04:17

    Fabulous insight on your part Ritu. You are a very wise woman and you got the slotting into the new family right, thanks to your mum’s advice, another wisewoman!
    Everyday is a compromise, all of life is in fact. My mother in law has never liked me so I have to compromise a lot with her, she is 96 now and still snipping at my heels! Thank goodness I only had to live with in-laws when we had to move from one end of the country to another .. a difficult 9 months, I was expecting my first… 43yrs ago. Loved this post! xxxx

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  5. radhikasreflection
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 12:15:44

    Beautifully described Ritu. I can so well relate to all that you have written. It is a constant process of compromise. But having the love and support of your husband makes this process easy.

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  6. Judy E Martin
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 10:37:16

    That is a brilliant example of compromise, Sis. It can’t have been easy at first, but you got through without offending anyone and not only that, you stayed true to yourself and your personality! ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Danny the Dog
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 09:54:10

    America would not exist if not for the art of compromise. Check out the debates in the Continental Congress as the country was formed. Slavery, anyone?

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Erika Kind
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 08:04:27

    My deep respect, Sis! That is not only a great attitude but also a wise! When you have no other choice than it was so smart and the peaceful way to go for you and everybody! Wow! First adapt and once you are really all one family (AND you are accepted) then you can start changing things. I was blessed not to live with my in-laws because although I tried to please them and adapt too I was never accepted as a family member. So what! I also learned a lot and stopped pleasing them. Felt better in that case! I am happy for you that you have your in-laws! All need to make compromises and you all must have done really well!

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  9. susieshy45
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 07:55:43

    Great Ritu. Loved it and loved your heart felt description. I work with a lady who has been through two marriages. The first one she lived with him for about 15 years- she says each day was a compromise. And then she had enough. She walked out. There have been times I have felt like that too but not so often now after 25 years of marriage but very much so earlier. I could never fit in with my in-laws- I never lived with them and I felt they always disapproved of me and everything I did. I loved reading and spending money on books. Though they were all well read, they would not encourage spending money on fiction books, which was my passion. I never compromised- I bought my books and read them, in spite of what they thought. I loved to defy them and defy them outright and do things they did not like in front of them- this gave me a kick.
    Over the years I have mellowed down and so have they- we have come to understand that we can’t change things so we better accept one another.
    Susie

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    • Ritu
      Jan 23, 2017 @ 07:58:20

      There are certain elements of yourself that you should never compromise. It takes a strong person to hold onto themselves in these situations. It seems your compromise came later as you were all settled with one another. Mine came first so now I can be me without worrying! 😚

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      • susieshy45
        Jan 23, 2017 @ 08:16:06

        Marriage always involves compromise, that’s what you mean, right ? If you want it to succeed, that is. If you have the option of leaving and looking elsewhere, then there won’t be much need for compromise.
        Susie

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Jan 23, 2017 @ 08:42:19

        If someone isn’t happy in their marriage then no amount of compromise will make it work… that is true too. Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Anisha
    Jan 23, 2017 @ 07:49:40

    Beautifully written Ritu…and I think no one can understand this better than us Indians… Kudos to u! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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