Helpless

17 Jan 2016 121 Comments

by Ritu in Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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We had a bit of a situation today, and it made me realise how little those with mental health issues are helped., and how little we can do to help…

The two bungalows next door to us are disability bungalows, and the residents are located there by the council and local health officials for safekeeping. We are in a cul-de-sac, so there is not a lot of through traffic, and as a small community, we tend to look out for each other. One bungalow houses a man with physical disabilities, and he is lovely, always out on his motability scooter, and we see a lot of people who come and see him, whether they are visitors or health officials, I don’t know, but he is happy.

The bungalow directly next door to us is home to an English couple who have been there for years. They both suffer from mental health issues, the lady more severely than her husband.

We were not aware of their difficulties until a few months after we moved into this house.  I remember coming home from school with the kids, and we were waiting for Hubby Dearest to get back from work. It had started raining too. At around 7pm I saw his car pull up, but he didn’t come in. After about 10 minutes, I started to worry, and he wasn’t answering his phone.

When he did finally get in the house, he was soaking wet. And he looked troubled.

My Hubby Dearest is a very sensitive person, and he tends to take any troublesome situations to heart.  He explained that when he got here, he saw our neighbour running down the road in her nightie, in the rain, screaming “He’s going to attack me! I need to get away!” his immediate reaction was to get her covered up, as she was sodden.  She was in such a state, and he didn’t know what to do.  Obviously, we didn’t know her situation was at this time, but the worry was ‘who was trying to attack her?’

Another neighbour of ours, who had been in the area for a while, came out. She appeared to be familiar with the situation, and she said she would take her in for now, and call her health worker.  Apparently it happened regularly, and she was not being attacked, she just got the thought in her head.

Well, that started a ball rolling for us.  Over the years, we have become accustomed to her coming over, either to say hello, or to tell us she is not well, and that she needs help.  She has come to us in sheer panic, in tears, as a messenger for her husband… in all situations.

The thing is we don’t know exactly what her, or her husband’s condition is. She always talks about the voices in her head telling her to do things. And her husband, well, he doesn’t go out much, or talk much either. But I know he gets angry and complains of hearing things all the time.

It got to the stage where our kids were scared to play in their own garden, in the summer, as after a while we would get a knock on the door from her, to say he was complaining about noise.  Now kids will be kids, but even so, they aren’t that noisy, yet still, we had to ask them to be careful, quiet and considerate while playing, and for 2 children under 10, that’s a pretty big ask! One day they were playing, nicely, I must add, and Hubby Dearest was outside.  Suddenly, there was a bellow from the next garden, then someone plunged a broom handle through the fence!

Scared the beJesus out of all who were outside! The kids ran in, and Hubby Dearest was fuming! How dare someone, even someone who has trouble controlling himself, scare our kids like that, unprovoked!

He went over, and had quite a long chat with the guy, who apologized, and said he didn’t know what came over him.

Do they get any help?  Well we have seen her go in and out of hospital, when things have got too much, but I don’t recall seeing anyone coming regularly, to check up on them. She tells me the men in her head say she shouldn’t take the tablets. So she doesn’t. Then she starts to get worse.  Her visits to us, all flustered, get more regular. I try and sit with her, over a cup of tea, and encourage her to try and ignore the voices, but I am no mental health expert…

Lil Man is terrified of her. Lil Princess is intrigued. He runs up to his bedroom if he hears her knocking on our door. She just stares at her.

Off on a little tangent, but you know the whole seven degrees of separation thing? Well, ironic, but we have a connection to her, through family now too! One day a few years back, we spotted Hubby Dearest’s cousin on our road. Odd as this is not a through road, and he wasn’t coming to see us. He lived in Spain with his family. We all had a lovely chat, and asked how come he was in the neighbourhood, and he mentioned that they were there to visit his wife’s sister.  She is English, and guess who her sister was?  Our disturbed neighbour! So after finding that out, we feel a bit more of a pull to make sure she is ok.

Today, I was having a little nap.  My head was pounding, and Hubby Dearest had been keeping the kids occupied downstairs.  All of a sudden, at 5.15pm, I heard a banging.  I knew it would be her. She is the only one who doesn’t use the bell, she just bangs incessantly, until we open the door. But when he opened it, I could hear her shouting, and screaming. Things were bad again. She was out in extreme cold weather with no coat or anything, with a chest infection, but no concern over her health.

The kids, my son especially, were cowering in the living room, she was wailing at the door, saying she wanted to come in, “Someone let me in, I can’t go home, I need help!”

Well, Hubby took her back to her house, and I sat with the kids, calming them down, and explaining how unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to be able to process our thoughts in the usual manner, and that she wasn’t there to harm us, but she sometimes needed help to settle herself down once she got worked up.

A moment later Hubby Dearest was back, with her in tow. He said to keep the kids there in the living room, and that he would take her into the kitchen, and give her a cup of tea. Apparently her husband wouldn’t open the door to her.

He was phoning the ‘Crisis Team’ who deal with her case.  They were really no help at all, but they are the only people she can turn to.  They said they would ring her husband and make him open the door, and that was it. So after a cup of tea, and me sitting with her too, we finally managed to get her home, and settled.

Meanwhile, my son is so disturbed, as he never sees her in a ‘normal’ light, and her husband has terrified him with the garden incident.  He asked me today if we could leave this house, and move away.  Or can he go and live with his grandparents.  I know this is really playing on his mind, as, if he has a choice, he would rather be here than there to stay over.

Hubby Dearest called the Crisis Team again, once he had delivered our neighbour home, to state his concern over her health, and the fact that it seems like no one does anything to actually help her and her husband. This, teamed with the fact that their behaviour has affected our children, means we have reason to worry for them.

Apparently, there is nothing they can do… until she hurts herself, or someone.

REALLY??!! They can see she is not well, there are ample witnesses to the fact she can be a danger to herself. In fact she has hurt herself in the past, and said ‘they’ told her to do it.  What more do they want to happen before someone actions help for her?  She really needs to be in a gated community, with the freedom to do what she wants, alongside her husband, but with the added reassurance that there is someone around, 24/7, in case relapses occur.

Actually, I don’t know what is the right thing… I am not a professional in these matters, but as I said at the beginning, I really feel helpless.  I want her to be safe, and not banging on my door, scaring the kids.  I want her to be happy, and my kids to feel secure.

I want things changed for her, and my family.

But I am helpless….

 

 

121 Comments (+add yours?)

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  2. tjt072
    Mar 17, 2016 @ 05:42:48

    I’m late to the conversation but I am sorry your family is going through this. The mental health system sucks pretty bad and it is hard for people to get help. My oldest has a mental illness so I know.

    Sounds like they may have schizophrenia but I could be wrong. Either way, they desperately need help.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Mar 17, 2016 @ 07:46:20

      TJ, it is so hard… I think there is never enough support for those with mental health issues…. I see it in schools, how the relevant authorities take so long to even get diagnoses for certain kids, meaning the help they could be entitled to, is delayed.then there are families who are in denial, so the diagnosis stage gets delayed further…
      As for my neighbours, I think you’re right about their illness… I feel so sorry that there appears to be no regular family support, to at least help them…
      Things have been OK recently, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get worse again…
      But I have seen their healthcare workers visiting more…

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  3. itsgoodtobecrazysometimes
    Jan 24, 2016 @ 17:35:20

    Hi Ritu,

    I don’t know whether it has been mentioned but you can call the adult social service (different from the crisis team) and ask them to get involved, it may take a while, and to be honest you may get bounced around, but it is the social services that should be the ones responsible for vulnerable adults

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  4. Persia Karema
    Jan 19, 2016 @ 21:07:45

    Holy crap – really? There is nothing that can be done unless she hurts herself or someone? I am so sorry you, your hubby and precious little ones are going through this. I feel sorry for your neighbours too. She needs help – her husband too. It breaks my heart to hear how people in this situation cannot get the help they so clearly require.
    Love and hugs to you Ritu. x

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. D. Wallace Peach
    Jan 19, 2016 @ 17:20:56

    What a tough situation to be in without a way to help. That said, being concerned neighbors is helpful in an of itself. Continue to call the Crisis Team when there is a need. In time this may make a difference and get her/them the help they need. At least you won’t be silent. That matters.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. raphaela99
    Jan 19, 2016 @ 12:14:45

    Please let us know how you get on. It is an awful situation, and I am so sorry that it is affecting your son so badly. Prayers being said. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. wwwpalfitness
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 22:47:36

    I nominated you for an award https://wwwpalfitness.wordpress.com/2016/01/18/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Shivangi
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 20:04:26

    I hope you get out of this situation Ritu. I feel sad for the lady too… Mental health is still neglected but it is far worse than a physical problem. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. silentlyheardonce
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 19:52:46

    You are in a hard place. You might have to lie and say she attacked you just so she can get help. I do hope things work out soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. DotedOn
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 19:05:39

    I’m sorry about your son being terrified about all this. I hope something changes soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. Fourth Generation Farmgirl
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 15:26:38

    Ritu, I’m so sorry! This sounds like such a frustrating and upsetting situation for all involved. You and your husband have been very kind, patient, and compassionate, but the authorities or healthcare system definitely need to do more to ensure the safety, well-being, and peace of your neighbors AND your family. Thinking of you and hoping for a positive outcome. 🙂 💛

    Liked by 1 person

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  12. The Story Reading Ape
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 14:35:32

    I agree with kritsayvonne Ritu – involve all relevant authorities and emphasise the affect the situation is having on your kids especially- also, talk to the School Head about it, they have access to, and influence with, local and national authorities.
    If all else fails, tell your local newspaper…

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. kritsayvonne
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 14:07:14

    Hi Ritu, I think a different tack would be to contact the housing provider, probably some sort of housing association and make a formal complaint. They have a duty to their tenant and the community; their antisocial behaviour team will have access to various agencies to help the couple. Antisocial behaviour covers all sorts, not just yobs!

    If that dosn’t work, then call the police every time there is a disturbance so that they have to contact the right authorities.

    As a final suggestion, your local MP will hold regular open ‘surgeries’ and you are able to attend regardless of your/their politics. They have a responsibility to represent the best interests of all their constituents.

    Imo whatever you do that is best for your family will turn out to be the best for your neighbours. Love to all, X

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 18:40:04

      Thanks for the advice. The housing is via the council, special disability housing. We’re working on the next steps… Fingers crossed things will get sorted…

      Liked by 1 person

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      • kritsayvonne
        Jan 18, 2016 @ 19:11:32

        Care in the community is a great idea until it falls down and adversely affects other people. Not fair on anyone. Best wishes through a difficult time x

        Like

  14. charlypriest
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 11:53:38

    My two cents, do whatever is best for your family and your interests as a family unit.
    What exactly I don´t know since I don´t really know your entire situation, but I do know that family comes first.

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. pensitivity101
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:55:06

    I am not a professional either, but clearly ‘The System’ is letting both this couple and your family down. At least with Foster Care there was an emergency team available 24/7 so you had somewhere to turn for support. As they both have mental issues, I would think they should have been assigned a care/social worker, though I have no idea how you could find this out. It may sound daft, but because of the effect it’s having on your children, could you have a chat with your own GP. He may not know the couple, but perhaps knows who you could approach for support. Good luck. It is not a good situation to be in, but your family must come first.

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  16. susieshy45
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:06:16

    Ritu,
    I can totally understand what LM is going through-I have a daughter who is sensitive and anything out of the ordinary affects her- she gets nightmares three nights in a row if that happens- and she is 16- sometimes things still bother her. Gradually she has come to realise that the world is not all rosy like her home and her parents and her grandparents- there is evil out there and there are people who cannot control their thoughts as they should to be able to live in a society.
    Personally as the situation has come that your children are petrified of them, they need to be reported to, to the police- at least there is some complaint in their name- so if the need arises, the police can be called to the rescue.
    I feel for you being affected, just because you are a very sensitive and caring family- perhaps it is the Indianness in you that makes you so.
    Be proud that you are able to do what you are able to for her.
    As many have said above, I, being a physician myself, am not an advocate for the freedom of some mentally ill people and the propensity for integrating those into regular society. Until more is known about mental illnesses, I feel society needs to put safeguards in place so that neither the ill nor their caretakers or their neighbours or society at large is put at risk.
    Susie
    PS: Praying for you and your children.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:44:34

      Thank you so much. I think you’re right, it probably is the Indian-ness in us that makes us more concerned…family means all to us, and we hate to see anyone in distress, our own family included… We shall see what the next steps are…

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  17. sknicholls
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:27:38

    In the US, the trend is to mainstream the mentally ill into the community and have outpatient services stay connected. There are long-acting intramuscular anti-psychotic drugs, (Decanoates that last thirty days) which can alleviate the worst symptoms in otherwise non-compliant individuals who refuse oral meds. Here in Florida, a person can be Baker Acted (certified by the court) by two people in the community. (They don’t have to be family members). That sends them to an inpatient facility for evaluation for 72 hours. A court order can mandate medication, but there has to be documented evidence that all other options have failed and the person remains a threat to themselves or others. I know you don’t like calling the police, but that may be the only way to get the documentation required for her proper treatment. I don’t know what procedures are in place in the UK, but this woman certainly needs treatment and is a threat to your family and the community. And I understand the empathy you have for her and your children. It’s exasperating. I’m not a doctor, but am a nurse with extensive background in psychiatry. I’m including a link about the drugs. Perhaps you can do something to help get her evaluated or suggest to a family member or even a legal authority the once per month injections. http://www.currentpsychiatry.com/home/article/when-and-how-to-use-long-acting-injectable-antipsychotics/9fdbc7e6161fadeb424d732fb3625823.html

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:42:39

      Thank you so much for all the information. We will be looking into what we can to, we need to help her, for her, her husband, and our own family too… When we talk to her case worker, we just get to,d that they can’t say anything, we are not family….

      Liked by 1 person

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  18. Prajakta
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:01:29

    I am sorry you have to go through this, especially for your children. A safe environment is something so basic – I hope the much needed help comes soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Ruth2Day
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 06:59:37

    it’s all very well putting folk in a safe environment, but the social services need to recognise the continued help that is needed. It’s not for good neighbours like you to take charge. The crisis-team need a swift kick up the backside.

    Liked by 2 people

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  20. Judy Martin
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 06:33:11

    Oh Ritu, what a terrible situation. It must be terrifying for Lil Man hearing your neighbour shouting and screaming, and her husband ramming that broom through the fence. It odes make me cross that there are people like this who so obviously need help but not getting it. Why do authorities wait until something awful happens before they act on it? It seems that their Health Workers’ hands are tied as to the amount they can do for them too. I don’t know what to suggest but it is not right that your kids are so scared to play in their own garden! I don’t know if the MIND Association would be able to help

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  21. Deb
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 04:40:56

    Perhaps you could speak with Hubby Dearest’s cousin’s wife, since she is the sister. Maybe by speaking with her, more family members could be made aware of how serious the situation has become and get involved. It really is a difficult situation. In the meantime, I would teach your children enough about mental illness to help them better understand and maybe not be so afraid. Good luck! I’ll send thoughts out to help the situation improve.

    Liked by 1 person

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  22. Dorinda Duclos
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 04:34:29

    Bless you and your hubby. Most people would shut the door and call the police. Perhaps you need to call her nephew (?) and explain what’s happening. Surely someone must have power of attorney over their care. I’m sorry the kids have been traumatized. That has to be the hardest part to all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:37:27

      She has a perfectly healthy mum, who goes out to work but doesn’t live locally… I’ve not seen her, in 7 years… At Christmas the couple go to a charity place run by the Salvation Army. For their festivities… But why wouldn’t you at least come more often to see your child, if you know her condition…?

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      • Dorinda Duclos
        Jan 18, 2016 @ 18:02:28

        Because it’s easier to ignore than it is to accept that she has a child who needs help. People are strange that way. And shame on her for not looking after her daughter’s mental health, even if she doesn’t visit!! If she were my child, I would do everything I could for her. But not everyone thinks that way. I do hope she finds some help, she really needs to be hospitalized 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Jan 18, 2016 @ 18:49:23

        I know… Fingers crossed a solution will be found…

        Liked by 1 person

  23. robertmgoldstein
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 03:46:48

    This is why we need to re-open the state and national hospitals….because mental illness requires interventions that most people are not equipped to handle…and everyone suffers. I have stated to my care providers and family that I don’t want my right to refuse treatment. Why should I compromise my health and my relationships in order to play along with the politically correct lie that we don’t know what the problem is and therefore don’t know how to fix it.

    There are worse things than involuntary commitment. There is homelessness and/or prison — and going to prison because you are sick IS worse than a mandated stay in a hospital.

    We didn’t have this kind of problem prior to Thatcher and Reagan and the only reason we continue to have this problem is that the parasites they represented do such a great job of setting the terms of the debate.

    We are thirty years overdue for re-opening the hospitals and “regulating’ them so that the outrageous abuses that took place in them don’t happen…

    But nothing can be worse than what we have now…I feel for everyone involved…

    It is not your job as a citizen to become a mental health nurse because the leaders of our countries are too bound by corporate interests to behave like real leaders what’s right for their people. All of their people.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 08:35:22

      Thank you Rob, for your words. It’s awful when the health of people becomes a pawn for politics, and red tape. I feel so helpless, and seeing her suffer is horrible for us all here. Most people send and think ‘weirdo’ but we know it’s not her fault… Yet the impact it has on us all is not good either…

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      • robertmgoldstein
        Jan 19, 2016 @ 08:05:26

        Ok…now I remember what I said…yes. I felt angy for you and for her–to be in that kind of situation is a bind for everyone.

        She’s lucky that the community is strong enough to care but both of them really need to be in a structured environment–where they can be stabilized and monitored.

        The sad fact of mental illness is that none of our pills cure it–and pretending that we can fully integrate people whose minds are broken into every day life without providing them with structured community supports it’s not only stupid; it’s cruel to the patient and the community.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Jan 19, 2016 @ 08:36:28

        Absolutely… And I hate the fact that an unfortunate twist of nature has scared my son, and he is trying to understand, but it’s hard for a young 10 year old to grasp…
        Hoping we manage to help her and her husband find a decent solution that benefits all…

        Liked by 1 person

      • robertmgoldstein
        Jan 20, 2016 @ 07:08:34

        I agree about your son. The other aspect of this situation; aside from the stigma and hypocrisy that perpetuates it is that it reduces the quality of life for everyone…

        We have to see this wretched suffering on our streets day in and day out .

        I’ve heard many people say how sad they are that their children have see
        frightful sights.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ritu
        Jan 20, 2016 @ 07:55:41

        I know you can’t wrap children in cotton wool, they need to understand certain aspects of life, but surely it would be good if, as parents, we could choose how, and when to explain, and expose…
        Though, unfortunately, life isn’t always that organised.
        I do try, with my Kidds, but Lil Man is extremely sensitive, and certain things really bother him, so this just shook him. As there was so much screaming, and panic vibes emanating… He hid.

        Like

  24. Josh Wrenn
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 03:36:25

    I wish I knew something I could say that could help you.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Janni Styles
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 02:45:00

    A few years ago I was helping a senior friend out. She was rapidly deteriorating and at 87 it didn’t appear she would improve. Her sons and I wanted her to go into care but the care worker said, “Something has to happen.” I found her on the floor one day from a heart attack. She constantly conversed with invisible people. Still nothing happened. Finally she was found wandering the streets saying the floods are coming, the world is flooding. A social worker did an assessment and finally she went into care. She had also set her kitchen on fire three times but that wasn’t enough either. The police incident was finally enough. I am in Canada and our system is no better. It is terrible to feel so helpless. The process I describe above took three years. I wish you a speedy and happy outcome for all concerned.

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  26. vanbytheriver
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 00:47:35

    I’m so sorry for your situation, Ritu, but when all is said and done, I’d contact any authority I could, and I’d advocate for my children. Always. Nobody wants to wait until there is a tragedy. Call the police if you have to, and protect your own family. Wishing you the best.

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  27. Charles Yallowitz
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 00:43:54

    Wow. That’s a lot to take in. One of the biggest challenges is that you can’t help a person who doesn’t want to be helped or know they need it. Forcing help on a person in any situation can make it worse. When a loved one of mine had a severe mental breakdown, she had to be institutionalized and put on medication. There weren’t voices, but she feels better and then changes or drops the meds, which causes issues. And that’s one of the problems when it comes to situations like this. Honestly, it sounds like somebody should step in since it’s affecting other people. I wonder if so little is done because people fear that they may see mental instability in themselves or ‘catch it’. Really sad and not the way we should treat other human beings.

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  28. wafflemethis
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 00:36:16

    You have a heart of gold Sis. Even after the discomfort your family have suffered you plead for help for them.
    It’s typical of the system to act after the horse has bolted.
    Have you tried speaking to social services about the effect it’s having on the kids. Something should be done if the kids are feeling threatened.

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. blackcherriess
    Jan 18, 2016 @ 00:08:41

    oh no :/ i wish i can help in some way too. is there any chance for the couple to be placed in a centre where they can be taken care of? like you say, it is obvious that she can potentially harm herself so that should be a sufficient reason for them to take some action. it’s too late when someone gets hurt.

    the environment is toxic for your kids and not healthy for them to grow up in. i really hope that a solution will be available soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:58:56

      We are trying, but the team who look after her won’t, and can’t discuss with us as we aren’t family… She has a mom, but I’ve never seen her, though my neighbour says she has contact…

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  30. cornfedcontessa
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:59:26

    So sorry to hear about your neighbors. We had a mentally ill neighbor when I was growing up. When I was about 4, she stormed into our house and chased my mother around with a butcher knife! I was hiding behind a chair scared to death. Thank god she didn’t stab my mother, and I never did know why she was so upset. The police were not called. She was constantly yelling at her children, and frankly looked crazy. Many neighbors urged her husband to have her committed, but he ignored everyone and just let her be. I’m 57 now and remember that incident like it happened yesterday. To this day, I have never gotten close to my neighbors because of what this women did.

    I hope to God she does not harm you or your family. It’s truly sad that nothing can be done until she harms someone. Your husband is a saint for helping them out the way he has. Mental illness is truly a cruel disease. Good luck Ritu.

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:56:33

      Thank you. Hubby is indeed a saint. It is so hard a situation to swallow, knowing she needs more help, yet not being able to do anything, because we are just concerned bystanders, and not family…

      Liked by 1 person

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  31. Steve
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:58:02

    Difficult but good on you for being so considerate. A lot of people would wash their hands of it.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:54:24

      It’s a hard situation Steve. Sometimes we thing we should just ignore, but neither Hubby or me are that kind of person. It’s like she is our concern because she trusts us, which is why she always comes here first…

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  32. YesterdayAfter
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:40:43

    Oh Ritu this is such a sad situation on both sides. On their side because whom should be in concern about their health only wait that the very bad happens before doing anything to protect the safety for them and other people exposed to the mental behavior and this is so worse since there is a warning about the mental health conditions that they are suffering with a need of help. But also it is not right for your children to be afraid and exposed to this on a daily basis and feel unsafe and afraid in their own home…is very sad. I guess you and all the neighbors, more people should get together as group there is more voice and report this to the institutions to find a possible help solution…I wish the best.

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  33. Donna
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:32:11

    Yes the system does suck!

    Liked by 1 person

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  34. Donna
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:30:05

    It is unfortunate that she is not getting more help. I am not sure the answer is to put her in a gated community (although not sure what that is there).
    I understand lil man not feeling safe but maybe this is also a good time to initiate conversations regarding mental health.
    I wonder if they have family or visitors? Or if it would be an idea to do a neighborhood visit.
    It is frightening when a mental health issue looks frightening and that is the only time you have contact with it.
    I know you are busy but is there someone else clise by that could advocate on their behalf. I have no idea what it is like there so these are just ideas. It would be tragic to move

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    • Ritu
      Jan 18, 2016 @ 07:50:02

      I know Donna, we wouldn’t move, because we know that’s not a solution. It’s not her fault. I am trying to slowly, and gently, educate the kids as to why these things happen.
      A gated community is more like a place to live, for guise with difficulties, with wardens on hand. They are Fred to come and go, live a normal life, there is just the added security if knowing the rightly qualified staff are on duty all the time, to help, when needed.
      We try to catch up with her on a regular basis, and others here, are always available for her, but with the way my son gets, I can’t invite her in more… I need to look at the whole picture.
      It is a sad situation…

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  35. itsathought2
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:16:12

    I live in subsidized housing (in the US) for the mentally ill. I was severely depressed which led to homelessness which led to this housing. I will forever be grateful for this housing for the safety it provides me on many levels.

    My upstairs neighbor has a more apparent illness. 3 to 4 times a year the police and firemen show up. And then she is gone for a week or two at the hospital.
    But she also has a great deal of family support, which is so crucial.

    Your situation a hard place to be. You have no legal authority or family connection to them so your ability to help in a practical way is next to nil. If you call the police in the next crisis would they be able to get her into a hospital to be re-assessed?

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    • Ritu
      Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:27:28

      I don’t know… It’s so hard, we almost don’t want to call the Police, but I guess that is more due to the stigma that is attached, as they aren’t criminals, they are unwell… But a place like where ypu are would be so beneficial for them both…
      Feel like we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place…

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  36. walkerkaty0
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:07:43

    This is such a sad situation. I feel for them as well as you guys. The mental health system is no better in the US either. Too many people get overlooked and if they are on drugs to “help”, it honestly seems to make it worse on them and not better. Something needs to change.

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  37. Erika Kind
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:06:54

    That is exactly the problem. There are institutions for such cases and professional therapists. Although the problem is known they really wait until worse things happen. It is the same in so many countries and in many other cases too. It is so sad. Hope Lil Man recovers soon. I understand him.

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  38. Tessa
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 23:03:18

    I am sorry she is not getting the help she obviously needs.

    Liked by 2 people

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