But I Smile Anyway…

Hi Peeps, I’m sorry I’ve not been on here much the last week, but there was a combination of things going on.

I’ll explain soon, but let me link the words that we need to be using for the prompts…

Monday – Glamorous – Thank you, Sadje! Please visit Sadje’s blog to read her posts and say hello.

Tuesday – Confusion – Thank you, Dan! Please visit Dan’s blog to read his posts and say hello.

Wednesday – One-Liner Wednesday

Thursday – Hesitation – Thank you, Wendy! Please visit Wendy’s blog to read her posts and say hello.

So, Monday came, and it was a tough day. it was my dear, dear cousin-sister’s funeral. She was taken far too soon after a battle with cancer. It was always going to be tough, but coupled with the fact that I wasn’t feeling very well all weekend, things were tougher.

Confusion set in my mind. Do I go or not? Am I okay? Was I well enough? This is my only chance to say goodbye…

Hesitation was there, but after dosing up all weekend, I felt a bit better on Monday morning, and MIL and I headed off for a two-hour journey to where the funeral was going to be, early in the morning.

As we got closer, I felt the hot and cold sweats kicking in. My throat began to feel like I had razor blades. As I coughed, it felt like bits of my throat were leaving my body, and there was the feeling that someone had punched me in the chest.

Somehow, we got there. I searched out my parents, and the long, emotional day began… as I deteriorated. I had managed to contact the Drs surgery and by some miracle, secured a telephone appointment for just before we needed to enter the crematorium.

I got prescribed antibiotics. Just had to wait until we got home to pick them up.

Let me backtrack and tell you a little bit about my cousin. She was a beautiful soul, always calm, loved by many. She was a mother and grandma, recently. I have never seen someone accept their fate as gracefully as her. She told me, when I visited her, that she didn’t want anyone to be sad. She was lucky. She had seen so much that many never get a chance to. A happy marriage, her sons settled, meeting her two grandchildren.

Her nickname, along with several others, was Posh. Because of her style. She was always elegant. Never overstated. Glamorous is not the word. That makes me think of someone a bit ostentatious, a bit out there. No, she was that person who always looked wonderfully put together, and along with her calm demeanor, it was great way to be.

Now, back to the funeral.

Expecting around 200 mourners, the Gurdwara was actually packed with more like 400, by the end. I feel it was a testament to her and how she cared for others, that so many came out, in bad weather, to give her the most fitting send-off. And she was someone who loved to stay in touch with others. If a friend or family were visiting from overseas, she’d be there, arranging get togethers.

This felt like one of the biggest reunions, for so many of us. I met family and friends I haven’t seen for five years or more.

And I feel that wherever in her journey she was, she stopped to look down, (for there was no question that the only place for her was up) and smiled that she had managed to bring so many people together, not only to celebrate her life, but to find each other, once again.

It was around 1.30 pm when MIL and I left. I hoped the journey would be around one and a half hours. By this time, I was flagging.

Honestly, I have little recollection of the drive home, as the pains became worse. And as we reached the home stretch, an accident had happened so we were stuck in very slow traffic for over an hour. After picking up meds, dropping MIL off and picking Lil Princess up, it was around 5pm before we arrived home.

From then, to Wednesday morning, I don’t remember much of what was going on around me. I collapsed on the bed. I was fed by Lil Princess at one point, Hubby Dearest made sure she was taken to college (usually my job), and I slept, took meds, ate minimally, and slept more.

Halfway human by Weds, but still not well enough to be back at school, I tried to do some work. (Life of a teacher – you never lose the guilt of not doing what you should be, even if you are unwell.) And Lil Man appears to have caught some version of the bug, now. He’s off work, too.

And now we hit Thursday. Still coughing quite a bit, and very tired. I could get up and drop Lil Princess off. Well, I had to, because now Hubby Dearest appears to have got a strain of it, too.

Honestly, I just hope it’s not as bad as I had it, because I have never felt this incapacitated before.

And there we have it. Thank you, January. The gift that has just kept giving, and none of it has been nice stuff.

My One Liner for this week:

“Never wait to show you care.” – Ritu