One Liner Wednesday – #1LinerWeds

“Thank goodness for ice cream!”

Ritu 2019 (And every year)

It’s too hot…

For Linda’s #1LinerWeds Challenge

Jim Webster’s Done It Again! Two New Books! #BlogTour

Guess who is joining me on a blog tour again?

Good ole’ Jim Webster! And here is a little story for your perusal.

Be careful what you pretend to be. 
I would like to say that when I heard what Garamie was planning, I knew it
wasn’t going to end well. Unfortunately I must confess that at the time I
thought he had come up with an excellent strategy given his obvious
limitations. Garamie wanted to be a savant. He wanted to be looked up to and
respected for his knowledge. Unfortunately he didn’t want to dedicate a
lifetime to study, so he could reap the benefits of his status as a
well-respected scholar in his old age. He wanted the benefits now. I could
see the source of his confusion. Garamie was quite well off. He’d been
through the University here in Port Naain, but like many students he
appeared to have left more muddled and less accomplished than when he
arrived. What university had taught him was that the road to proper
scholarship is hard.
Have you heard the comment, “The easiest way to be recognised as a savant is
to ensure your field of expertise is so tedious that nobody will ever
question you about it?” Garamie took this one stage further. He decided that
he would make his field of expertise so terrible that nobody would ever
raise the subject. Thus, after brief thought, he proclaimed himself a
necromancer.
Traditionally necromancers shun people, daylight, and soap. Garamie was the
exception to the rule, in that he merely wanted the fame, or perhaps more
properly, the notoriety. He had no interest in truly studying necromancy. So
where most necromancers have no social life, Garamie became the socially
acceptable face of necromancy and was invited to all sorts of parties and
social events.
When out and about, he could dissemble adequately when it came to discussing
his dark art. If somebody asked him anything, Garamie would bluff. He could
mix into his conversation mumbled phrases from long dead languages, most of
which he made up on the spot. He found it harder to convince people he was a
genuine necromancer when they visited him at home and discovered that he had
none of the impedimenta of the trade. It seems that to be accepted as a
necromancer, or as any sort of mage, you need a workroom. You need the
paraphernalia. Young ladies, fascinated by him, expected to see the tools of
his trade when they visited his abode. Obviously they weren’t looking for
cadavers in the bedroom, (although one or two of his rather more
‘specialist’ lady-friends gave the impression that this was the sort of
thing they rather anticipated.) 
As I said, he had money. This was a positive disadvantage. If he’d had no
money he could have done wonders for very little. After all, if I want the
skull of a hanged man, I merely ask Mutt and he’ll return later demanding
twenty-five dregs for a perfectly reasonable skull. Indeed it may even come
from a man who was hanged. (In Port Naain the chances are at least
reasonable.) I certainly would not seek out one of the Exulted Purveyors of
the Imperishable Wisdom. Admittedly they would guarantee that the skull came
from a hanged man, even if they had to bring forward the hanging for your
convenience. But on the other hand they’d expect me to pay an alar for it.
It’s the same with cadavers really. I remember the time Lancet and I found a
chap who’d passed out with drink. Lancet painted the fellow’s face so he
looked like a corpse, and we sold his clothes to pay for a cheap shroud. To
be fair, that is common enough, the dead man doesn’t need his clothes any
more, and the money left over after buying the shroud traditionally goes to
paying for a round of drinks for his friends. We then carried the corpse
along Ropewalk on an improvised stretcher. I might have mentioned that it
costs one silver vintenar to book your place on the corpse boat. When the
boat is full they sail out to the west and drop the weighted bodies
overboard for their last rest. It’s considered a charitable gesture to give
a vintenar so that a poor man can make that last journey, and as Lancet and
I tearfully solicited money for the poor deceased we were carrying, we did
quite well. 
Then somebody offered to buy the body off us. I’m not sure why, it wasn’t as
if it was a particularly good body. The owner hadn’t been taking any real
care of it. But Lancet had got our potential buyer up to twenty vintenars.
They’d shaken on the deal and the happy purchaser was about to give Lancet
the money when the ‘corpse’ groaned. I said, probably too quickly, “It’s
just the air escaping.”
Unfortunately at this point the ‘corpse’ tried to sit up. At least one of
the bystanders screamed, Lancet and I dropped the stretcher and ran in one
direction, whilst the putative purchaser ran in the other. The ‘corpse’
staggered forlornly down Ropewalk, struggling to walk in a shroud.
Alas, Garamie was spared this education by his wealth. He merely ordered his
bits and pieces from the Exulted Purveyors of the Imperishable Wisdom. Of
course you have to ask why they sold him the material. It’s obvious to
anybody who talked to him that he wasn’t a serious student of the dark arts.
Perhaps it was merely a case of him being a free-spending incompetent who
differed little from their usual run of customers?  
I once saw Garamie’s ‘workroom’. I found myself roped in because I’d been
passing as a courier’s wagon arrived. At the same point the heavens opened
and Garamie, spotting me, asked if I’d give a hand helping them to unload.
Apparently there was a risk that three bags of ‘grave dust’ might turn into
several buckets full of ‘grave mud.’ 
Garamie had chosen a modest downstairs room as his workroom. It was
naturally poorly illuminated, a small north window providing entirely
inadequate light. He proceeded to fill it with clutter. Several crudely
built tables were piled high with skulls, candles, battered tomes one
assumed were of eldritch lore, and any number of strange crystals. I confess
I looked at the books. Let us be honest with ourselves here, how could I, a
poet and a man of letters, not look at the books? Let us be equally honest,
those I examined were likewise split between recipes collected by cooks and
housekeepers of a previous century, the account books of large estate, the
latest entry at least two centuries previous, and a selection of those
history books one only ever finds in school libraries. I am willing to admit
they were fascinating, I have a weakness for history books that are so old
that the history they cover was virtually current affairs for the writer.
But still, unless necromancy has changed direction in recent years I
wouldn’t have regarded them as particularly macabre. 
Still Garamie must have picked up some more specialist literature. He
acquired habit of dropping esoteric phrases into conversation. I was in the
Misanthropes on one occasion when he said something and the hairs on the
back of my neck stood on end. On other occasions people claim that when he
spoke the candle flames flickered out or the room grew strangely colder. 
I still hold that he hadn’t any idea what he was doing. I do know that he
was in the habit of jotting ‘interesting’ phrases in a pocket book. He
showed me it once. It looked like a collection of nonsense phrases but
should he wish to impress the sort of girl who likes ‘bad’ boys, he’d drop
one or two into his conversation.
We’re not sure exactly what happened to him. The woman who ‘did’ for him
went in one morning to discover he wasn’t about and that the workroom door
was locked. She tidied up a bit and decided that there was a strange smell.
At that point she thought to send for the watch. They broke into the
workroom to find the walls liberally decorated with Garamie. His pocket book
was open on one of the tables but was so liberally daubed with blood that it
was illegible. His death was registered as ‘suicide by means of unthinking
stupidity.’

And now we’d better hear from Jim Webster.

So here I am again with another blog tour. I’ve released two collections of
short stories from Tallis and if you’ve enjoyed the one you just read,
you’ll almost certainly enjoy these.
So what have Tallis and I got for you?

Well first there’s ‘Tallis Steelyard. A guide for writers, and other
stories.’ The book that all writers who want to know how to promote and sell
their books will have to read. Sit at the feet of the master as Tallis
passes on the techniques which he has tried and perfected over the years. As
well as this you’ll have music and decorum, lessons in the importance of
getting home under your own steam, and brass knuckles for a lady. How can
you resist, all this for a mere 99p. 
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tallis-Steelyard-guide-writers-stories-ebook/dp/B07
TRXJH8C/


Then we have, ‘Tallis Steelyard. Gentlemen behaving badly, and other
stories.’ Now is your chance to see Port Naain by starlight and meet ladies
of wit and discernment. There are Philosophical societies, amateur
dramatics, the modern woman, revenge, and the advantages of a good
education. 
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tallis-Steelyard-Gentlemen-behaving-stories-ebook/d
p/B07TRYZV6C/


So come on, treat yourself, because you’re worth it.

RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #262 Ripple&Wind

Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge this week:

Ripple & Wind

Image result for fart
Google Image
A little rumble
A ripple in your belly
Knowing what may come
Clenching, hoping to contain
Yet failing, as wind expells!

Ritu 2019
Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge Image 2016

Chai And A Chat #41 #ChaiAndAChat

Hey there Peeps! Time for our weekly catch up! Did I end up with a more calm week? Read on to find out!

  • If we were sipping chai together I’d tell you that this week was marginally better than last week, but still no smooth sailing!
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d say that school has been busy, as ever, with transition days for our new kids, preparation for end of year assemblies, thinking about cards for staff who are leaving/having babies/turning 70, Sports Day, more training and handovers for my new subject lead next year, and Book Fairs!
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d tell you that I have a new challenge next year, with a student with Autusim joining my class. He has very specific needs and routines, and there is no one to be his one to one support, so this will be interesting…. He joins another child I have who has certain issues, one who is showing signs of sone sort or SEN, and two others with extreme behaviour problems. Oh, I’ll have my work cut out, but hey, it’ll be my class, and there will be continuity, so I hope I can do justice! I thing there will be a bit of blogger fodder in it for me too….
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d groan and say we had Sports Day! It’s been a while since I was involved in Sports Day as it is usually on a Thursday, which is my Nursery day. This year though it was on a Wednesday which meant I got a chance to get more involved in it all. My class were a great bunch, encouraging each other, and showing some real competitiveness too! One lost her shoe in her running race, so I ended up running the race with her so she didn’t feel like she was the only one running at the end. Then I accompanied a toddler to the finishing line in our siblings race, and finally I was dragged to the starting line again in the Teachers race! No. I dodnt win, but was 4th out of around 9. I’m not complaining, but I was the next day when the aches and pains were showing themselves!
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d mention that it was my nephew’s first birthday, and the first anniversary of Pops and his emergency surgery on Monday. The thought of that day is always bittersweet, with the worry of his op, and the news that the baby had been born!
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d yawn as I tell you that Saturday, I was up at some ungodly hour, unable to sleep with the muggy weather. I ended up reading for a coule of hours before I could sleep, then when I finally dozed off, it was time to wake up ready for taking Lil Princess to swimming! The morning passed in a haze, and I didn’t feel right until I’d had a 2 hour nap in the afternoon!
  • If we were sipping chai together I’d tell you that Sunday was another Cricket dedicated morning, but I was determined to have a little me time too, so I went to get my nails done! And Cricket-wise, Sunday was a good day for many… Lil Man’s team won their match, and England were crowned Cricket World Cup Winners for the first time, after a nailbiting, historic Super Over end to the match! Now, if you know me, you know I am not sports orientated at all, but even I got excited about this! And to top it off, the Wimbledon final was on too, so tensions were high right up until the end of these matches!
  • If we were sipping that chai together, and possibly reaching for cake or cookies I’d tell you that this week we have the end of year assembly for Reception class, reports need to go out to the parents too, and there is a toy sale being organised by my councillors, and the Eco councillors, to raise money for playground equipment!
  • If we were sipping that chai together, and possibly reaching for cake or cookies I’d say that I have a dinner out on Friday that I am looking forward to, to celebrate the impending wedding of our Head!
  • If we were sipping that chai together, and possibly reaching for cake or cookies I’d mention that Pops is coming over on Saturday, to bring my dear aunt and uncle who have come over from Kenya to visit. I haven’t seen them for a long time, and I am really looking forward to it! This is my Mum’s elder brother and his wife. They are such wonderful people and my aunt is one of the women in my life, I class as one of my ‘other’ mothers!

Right, I think that is enough, don’t you, Peeps?!

Tell me how your week has been!

Spidey’s Serene Sunday – Part 229

img_00411

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

Og Mandino

Many thanks, Spidey, for that thought provoking quote.

It’s easy to chug along with your plans for life, especially when everything is going your way.

Not so simple when it feels like everything is going against your every wish.

The above quote really made me think.

Because recently, certain dreams of mine have been put on hold, in order to realise others.

I feel like I am living a life of light and darkness at the same time.

Light, with my professional life, finally knowing I have my own class, but also fretting as I have a lot to set up in my classroom, and I can’t wait for school to end so I can make my mark!

Dark with my writing, but I know it is not a good time to finish my editing. I can’t give it a half hearted effort, after all this time I’ve spent, coaxing it out into the world. The stars are there though, showing me the way. I know I will get there, but it’s just not knowing quite when…

So… tell me, do you have light and dark sections in your life?

Have a peaceful Sunday Peeps  And enjoy your week! ❤ 

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