20 years ago, I’m not sure what I envisioned my life to be like in the future.
I would have been nearly 20, not even met Hubby Dearest, at this point, but one thing I always knew was that I would be a mum, just like my own. During my upbringing, my mother was there, a constant at all times, through all my milestones, and then at school, drop offs, pick ups, in fact I can never remember a time where I came home to an empty house. If I did, it was because she was with me! It wasn’t until I was in my mid teens that she started to work alongside my Pops , in his surgery as the practice manager.
So, in my fantasy future work, I would be there, a loving mummy, feeding homemade gunk to my babies, flouncing around in my pretty dress, as I would have lost all the baby weight, just like that! And when the kids started school, I would keep the house tidy, be a lady who lunches, go to the gym, pick babies up and feed them amazing food, read with them, etc. then put them to bed, ready for a new day!
… roll on 20 years… it’s not quite how I imagined, but no less satisfying! Everything is much more expensive, we are both educated people and have our jobs. I was working with a Marketing and Publishing firm ( how I ended up there, after my B/Ed, before coming back to education, a whole other story!) enjoying my days, Hubby Dearest in The City working hard. When baby came I had my time out.
Lucky for us here in the UK we get a whole year off for maternity leave… a pittance of maternity pay, but the option for a whole year with our baby. We were living with my in-laws at this time so I was at even more of an advantage, with help at all steps of the ‘bringing up baby’ way. Once the year was up, we decided that since my mum in law as at home, still young and sprightly enough to help with the Lil Man, that I would go back to work part time.
My mornings of relative ‘normality’ started. I’m sure other parents understand this sentiment, being mummy, or daddy, 24 hours a day is an exhausting prospect, so the idea of 3 hours a day of work, normal work, with other adults, not kids, is light relief! It was great, I would leave munchkin as he was breakfasting with granny, and arrive back ready for lunch with him. We would spend afternoons together, going to play groups or at home, enjoying his young years. This wasn’t so bad, quite a lot like my mum, actually, except I had more help from my mother in law!
I had the same year off with Lil Princess too, but then disaster! My company decided to move! Not like to another country, or county even, but still my 5 minute commute would be 30 minutes to an hour depending on traffic, public transport wasn’t even an option. That would take me over 2 hours each way! So, by this time, we were saving for our own place, and my working was important for that reason. A half day wasn’t going to cut it so, again with my in laws help babysitting, I went back full time.
Lil Man was at nursery by now. I hated the idea of leaving him as he slept, and coming home to his whiney, tired time, just in time to kiss him goodnight. I arranged with work to start later, thereby ending later, so I could take him to his nursery, and school when he started. This I felt was important as if I didn’t do that, I would never see his teachers, and have that daily interaction with other parents.
It was ok to start with… we were in our new house, I’d drop Lil Man to school, Lil Princess to my In-Laws and go to work. They would pick him up from school, and when I got back from work, both kids were usually fed, and ready for me to take them home. Then homework started happening… It was only reading at first, which was fine, I would do that, but then it got to the stage where he needed more support, and my mother-in-law felt, that love him as much as she did, her own limitations with education would not benefit him… he needed more mummy time basically.
Oh God, had we made the wrong decision regarding me going back to work? He’s a sensitive little soul, and while so eager to learn, he was having some difficulties with various parts of academia… Was I not giving him enough time?
After much consideration of finances, and whether reducing hours would work, we made the decision that I would leave my job. We would cut down on things, I would be there for the children, and if some suitable job closer to home came up, I could maybe see…
It was a wonderful 6 months with the babies, dropping Lil Man to school, picking him up, even introducing Lil Princess to nursery. She was outta nappies, not sleeping in the day and weaned off her bottle, within 3 weeks of me being at home with her.
Financially, it was tough. Hubby Dearest now had all the financial burden on his shoulders, Mortgage, rates, groceries, kids expenses… they all pile up. We were lucky though, unlike a lot of people who have found this recession very tough, we had supportive parents on both sides, and with their guidance, and help we managed. Then, an opportunity arose at Lil Man’s school. I am a qualified Primary School teacher, but I just hadn’t used the qualification. There was a maternity cover position available for a Bi-Lingual Teaching Assistant. After a bit of thought, I went for it. I love kids, education, and want to help children learn, and better themselves. What better job could I get? The hours centred around the core school hours for kids, not like a teacher where you are in school sometimes 50 hours a week, plus the other preparation, and marking, which can eat up your home life too.
And hey, I got it! (well, between you and me, and the other people reading this, why wouldn’t I? The school got a teacher for TA money! Result!) It has been a perfect job, which I have been in now for nearly 4 years ( and I am recognised as a HLTA now too! Higher Level Teaching Assistant). I drop my children off, work, and pick them up. I know exactly what they are doing at school, so I can assist them at home, and the school holidays are mine too!
The only downfall? I am surrounded by children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year! And I do love them… but sometimes a break would be nice! I’m still up at the crack of dawn, preparing things for the day, before waking the monkeys. Getting them ready is a chore, then off to school we go. A day in school is emotionally, as well as physically exhausting, even though the hours are 9-3.30pm, and then the rigmarole of after school clubs starts! I think we have one evening, a Friday, where there is nothing planned after school.. for the kids. Me, free? Oh no! I feed the kids and then commence on a cleaning blitz of the house! Saturday, more clubs, and grocery shopping. Then there is the chance we have something happening, a family function, a children’s party. Sunday the same. If we’re lucky we have some time alone, as a family, to chill. Oh, and don’t forget the …homework! And don’t get me started on the nightmare that is BEDTIME!!!!!!
A Stay at Home Mum (SAHM) has a tough life. Its great to be able to devote your time to your children, nurture them, and give them a loving environment to live in. But many, though they find it satisfying, will say that the one thing they are starved of, is adult company. Not the other mums at a playgroup, or the cashier at the till when you go shopping, but real interaction with people. Having conversation that doesn’t revolve around nappies, feeding habits and school recommendations, but just a normal conversation.
I’d like to think I have found a happy medium with the hours I work, and the time I spend with the kids at home. I do complain… I am tired a lot of the time, in fact sometimes I am … exhausted.
Exhausted but happy. I can be with my children, do a job I love, and give time to my Hubby Dearest. I’m not complaining!
This has become my catchphrase… by the end of a day, this is how I feel!
But I Smile Anyway... 