“I always cry at weddings. They’re beautiful and I’m always moved.”
Jennifer Westfeldt
Thank you, Spidey, for a lovely quote!
We attended a wedding, yesterday, after quite a few years, what with lockdown, covid, etc.
I love a good wedding.
We used to attend them all the time when I was growing up, but less so, since I got married, as my Hubby Dearest’s family is quite small in comparison to mine, and also because we are further away from my family, now so attending all the weddings is not feasible.
Anyway, back to yesterday.
As I watched sever parts of the marriage ceremony, I felt a different emotional pull at certain points. The time when, in our Sikh ceremony, the bride’s father stands up and takes one end of the palla, or scarf that is draped around the groom’s neck and hands it to his daughter, signifying that you are now going to be walking together, through life with this guy, and you won’t be my little girl anymore.
I had tears in my eyes, not because I was thinking of myself, but it hit me that one day Lil Princess will be in that position…
This time, I really listened to the granthi, the priest, as he recited from the Guru Granth Sahib at the time of the ceremony and the words of the inevitable uncle-ji who stands up and gives a sikhya (speech or set of lessons about marriage) and I thought how his message hadn’t changed in all the years I’ve been attending marriages, but equally, I also dug deeper into the ‘advice’ and how it wasn’t always promoting the equality that Sikhism is based on.
The bride was addressed and was advised to compromise on things that weren’t to her liking because that’s the best way.
The groom was told to be a Man, providing for his family.
(Simple contraction of a 15-minute long speech!)
It made me wonder what the younger generation would think as they listened (because the guy spoke in both Punjabi and English).
There are more youngsters who might not look outwardly Sikh or fully baptised, but many are more versed in the ins and outs of our teachings, thanks to some fantastic people out there who you can follow on Social Media.
And some of those words, said in respect and blessing, could be looked upon as interpreting the words of our Gurus in their own way, and putting the bride at home and the groom to work, rather than the equality that our religion actually speaks of.
It shouldn’t all fall on the groom’s shoulders to provide.
Neither should the compromise be just the bride’s sacrifice.
I can hear these words being said in a different way, to me on my own wedding day, and I never really thought about the implications. Today, as a much more grown-up woman, it made me pause, and think, “What advice are we giving our young couples? is it the right thing to say?”
Marriage is a compromise. 100%, but the compromise should come from both parties. And you can work, together, as a couple, to fulfil your life dreams.
I am going to stop rambling because I have to go and get ready for the wedding reception, now!
But, before I leave, how have your thoughts on marriage changed over the years?
Having another go at Maggie and Laurens, Throwback Thursday challenge! This week it is Maggie at the helm!
This week’s prompt is: Transitions and Modifications
Think about your first haircut. Were you the kid that cut your own hair? Did you go to a salon or did your parents cut your hair? Did your parents save a lock of your hair? As Sikhs, we aren’t supposed to cut our hair, appreciating and being grateful for what God gave us. However, we are not fully baptised in our family. When I was about 6, I had a real craving to get my hair cut, and so my mum took me to the hairdresser, and I had my first page boy cut! My dad cut my brother’s hair for the first time, and that was painful for him, as my father has always kept his hair and worn a turban, but felt the pressure to do it, so my brother didn’t get any bullying as he grew up in an area that was predominantly white. One silly story of me and my hair is that I wear convinced I had too small a forehead, so I took a bunch of hair from the front and snipped it clean off at the scalp, thinking no one would notice… Er, they did And, then I had a fountain of sprouting hair growing back, soon after!
How about shaving? Fathers often teach their sons to shave. Most girls I know, decided for themselves when to shave their legs and their underarms. Some cultures do not shave at all. Again, line the above, we aren’t supposed to remove any body hair, however, the majority of us who aren’t fully baptised do. I think my mum got me an electric razor first, but I also experimented with hair removal cream, waxing, etc over the years. And eyebrows and upper lip threading!
Did you alter your clothes? Cut jeans into cut-offs? Cut the sleeves off t-shirts? Wear graphic tees? Tie-dyes? Sew patches on your jeans? Not really. I was pretty simple growing up!
Was there a time you remember challenging the authority in your household? Do you remember the first time you found your voice? I wouldn’t have dared as a child! But as I grew older I learned how to stand up for my thoughts and beliefs.
What about piercings? Girls getting their ears pierced was a rite of passage for girls. Then boys started getting one ear pierced. As time passed, piercings became more mainstream and accepted. I had my ears pierced, just those one set for each ear, and they are still just like that. I was around 8, I think.
Did you walk on the wild side? Smoking? Drinking? Did your parents know? Shhhh! Okay, so there were a few drinks, as I went to Uni, but nothing more…
What about tattoos? Did you get a tattoo while still living at home? Did your parents approve? Nope. No tattoos, but I do think about it now!
What about language? Was swearing allowed in your family? Did you use the same language around your friends as you did at home with your family? Nope. No swearing was allowed but as I got older and learned more Punjabi naughty words, it became fun to sprinkle them into conversations with people who didn’t understand!
Think back to high school. Girls, did you iron your hair? Did you colour your hair? (using Sun-in counts!) Guys, did you grow a beard or moustache? Did you grow your hair long? Feel free to share a photo of yourself back in the day. I have naturally curly hair but didn’t even realise it was curly until I was 16, because it used to be brushed out and plaited all the time, or left in a frizz ball! Straightening wasn’t a thing, for me until uni! And Sun in… er, yes, but not before uni!
Many people think our authentic self is the person we were as young children. Are you still inherently the same person you were as a child or have you changed your personality and demeanor along the way? I think. I am the same, but I have just become more confident and able. to stand up for myself and my beliefs more. The benefits of getting older!
Okay, so three times in a row was my limit, here we are on Friday, again, but be glad… I am off to a wedding and squeezed this in before we leave!
Today I welcome my friend Marjorie Mallon to the blog to talk about her new part poetry/part fiction release, The Hedge Witch and The Musical Poet.
The Hedge Witch & The Musical Poet is a collection of poetry and flash fiction celebrating the beauty and the vulnerability of the forest kingdom. It begins with the poetic tale of the kind-hearted Hedge Witch, Fern, who discovers an injured stranger in desperate need of her woodland spells and magic.
The sweet pairing learn from each other and through Fern’s guidance, Devin embraces the power of magic to leave behind his troubled past to become The Musical Poet.
Poetry/flash fiction titles in section one of the collection include:
The Hedge Witch & The Musical Poet, Rain Forest Love, A Forest Baby Boy, A Forest Baby Girl, A Modern Witch, Rock of Mine, Chester Don & I, The Network of Trees, More Trees Not Less, Two Boys Watching War, Mum Climbing Trees, Let’s Play, The Scorched Tree, Owl’s Holiday Home, A Man’s Holiday Home, A Child’s Excitement, The Teddy In The Woods, Run! The Organutans, All Hallow’s Eve Candy Girl The Forest Bash, Dreaming At Halloween, A Face on Bark, Golden Willow Tree, Rainbow – Parasol of Light, Lollipop Sunshine Tree,
In Section two I pay tribute to the following poets: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Evangeline, Ruby Archer, King Forest,Bliss Carman, Woodland Rain, Emily Dickinson, Who Robbed the Woods, Rupert Blake, Stopping by The Woods on A Winter Evening, Oscar Wilde, In the Forest.
With my poetry inspired by their works:
The Forest Weeps, The Forest King, Raindrops and Childhood Dreams, The Woodland Treasures, Winter Woodland Moon, Child Me.
A beautiful book inspired by, and a nod to, the mystical and the natural world around us. Marjorie Mallon has used fiction and poetry to craft a selection of flash fiction for the first part of the book, about the Hedge Witch and the Musical Poet, as well as other scenarios interspersed with verse. The second section is devoted to poetry inspired by various famous poets. A lovely book to delve into when you want a little slice of magic.
Yesterday I posted a poem I write about accepting ourselves for who or what we are and not trying to make ourselves look different to please the rest of the world.
I’m not a make-up person at the best of times. I get far too hot for make-up, and it ends up sliding off my face before long…
Sure, I’ll add on a little slap if we are going out, but especially now, as I feel my skin not being as smooth as it was, and the eyeshadow I used to apply with ease, getting caught up in those creases, or happy lines around my eyes, I find myself looking at my reflection in the mirror, and wondering, “Do I really need that? Who am I putting this stuff on for?”
Because I’m more than happy without it.
I like to have my eyebrows in order, and no one needs to see me with a light ‘tache on my upper lip, but other than that, what you see is what you get.
I no longer dye my hair, so the greys coming through show that nature has embraced me.
The smile you see will light my face more than any make-up would.
And you would see that I am genuinely happy. (Whiskers, double chin, grey hair, and all!)
So, ladies, are you one who needs their mascara and lippy to feel confident when you go out, or do you embrace the natural you? And gents, how do you feel about your appearance?
Having another go at Maggie and Laurens, Throwback Thursday challenge! This week it is Luren back at the helm!
This week’s prompt is: Learning New Skills
1. When did you learn to ride a bike? Were you self-taught, or did someone teach you? Any major injuries on the way? Did you master the skill? Do you still ride? If applicable, did you teach your kids?
I can’t exactly remember when I learned how to ride a bike, but I remember a yellow bicycle I had as a child. When we were in school, we had to do the Cycling Proficiency test, and I had a bigger, pale blue metallic bike with white wheels. I remember that I didn’t pass, though! Was never much of a bike rider. I could do it, but I wasn’t fussed with road rules!
2. Did you learn to play a musical instrument? At what age? Who taught you? How often did you practice? Were you in a band at school? How good were you? Do you still play? If applicable, did you encourage your kids to play?
When I was teeny, my parents asked the school if I could take piano lessons, but they said no, at that time on account of hands and fingers being too small. (Funny, considering all the young proteges we see!) Then I had recorder lessons for a year. I can still play a tune or two! I even tried guitar for a while. We had a lovely teacher called Mr Mason, but he left and was replaced by another Mr Mason, ironically, who had a habit of spearing fruit Polo using the end of his pencil, throughout the lesson, and eating them, and hitting us on the hand with the same pencil if we were making mistakes! In Sixth Form, I finally started piano lessons and practised on my keyboard at home, but I didn’t stick with it. I still have all the instruments I learned. But don’t ask me to read music. I forgot that, too!
3. Did you sing in a choir in a church or at school? At what age? How often did you practice? Did you enjoy it? How good were you? Do you still sing with others?
We had a school choir, and I joined it for a few years. There was weekIy practice, and we would perform at school events. I love singing even now and enjoy singing all sorts of songs, from traditional Punjabi songs to the latest pop hits! I have sung at several family weddings and. I am always singing in my classroom and at home, too.
4. Did you have formal instructions on speaking a second language? Were you fortunate enough to be raised in a house with two or more languages? Did you learn a second language in school? Are you fluent in more than one language?
Growing up, I was surrounded by both Punjabi and Swahili since both my parents were born in Kenya. My brother and I both spoke fluent English from a young age, and I was the same with Punjabi, but Swahili was more odd words. Pops and Mum would use full Swahili in front of my Brother and I if they didn’t want us to understand what they were talking about! Funny story; our family Punjabi is littered with Swahili words since that is how my parents grew up. When I went to university and was able to make my own Punjabi-speaking friends who weren’t related to me, it transpired that what I spoke wasn’t Punjabi but a mish-mash of both languages with English words added in, too!! So, I can speak, understand and sing in Punjabi, Hindi, and Urdu to an extent, but I can’t read or write the script. And I know. a few phrases in Swahili. At school, we learned French, and Latin. I didn’t keep the Latin going, but I did study French to GCSE eleven and got an A!
5. Did you play on a sports team or learn martial arts? At what age did you start? Did a parent become a coach? Did you practice at home? Do you still play sports? If applicable, did you encourage your children to play on a team?
Sports? Me? Don’t be silly! I was never a sporty person, and neither was I interested in watching any games. I played things because I had to. I did enjoy swimming and badminton, and I wasn’t bad at netball and field hockey, but I had no inclination to take any of these sports up outside of P.E. lessons. My brother was the sportsman, playing hockey and cricket, and he has continued, playing at international level, now, in the Finnish National Cricket Team! I’d much rather be reading! But I would never hold my kids back if they were interested. My daughter is a bit like me, not that interested, but my son played Soccer for a while and is an avid cricketer, now, see we are on cricket taxi duty all summer, every summer!
6. Did you ever take dance, tap, ballet, baton, cheerleading, etc. lessons? When did you start? How long did you take lessons? Did you practice on your own in addition to the lessons? How skilled did you become? Did you encourage your children to do the same?
I did ballet for several years, achieving Grade 3 standard, I think. But I am not graceful at all! I am always tripping up, falling over and having accidents! When it was our first parent recital, we had a choreographed dance to perform, followed by a piece of music for us to improvise to. When they asked me what I had been dancing as, in my improv, I wasn’t a butterfly, or fairy, like the other little girls. Oh no, apparently I was a mad scientist doing experiments, ballet style! I also took Modern Dance for a couple of years with a friend. This wasn’t for any qualifications, just for fun. The best lesson has when our instructor put on the song Push It by Salt ‘N Pepa, and showed us her understanding of the words, which was her pushing her hands against an imaginary wall, rather than the more suggestive gist the lyrics were displaying! I also taught Bhangra to children at school for two years, which I loved! Pops, my dad was a semi-professional Bhangra dancer, and even in his 70s he’s still got the moves! My daughter used to love dancing, as the younger generation do, to TikTok viral music clips, but she has stopped that. My son is not a dancer, but he played the Punjabi Dhol Drum for many years and has a great ear for percussion and beats!
7. Did you learn to roller skate or ice skate? Did someone teach you, or did you take lessons? At what age did you learn? Did you become skilled quickly? Can you still skate? Did you teach your children?
I taught myself rollerskating, with those states you hooked onto your trainers, but again, being clumsy, it wasn’t a fad that lasted long with me! We had some ice skating lessons at school so I can skate at a rink, but I am by no means any good! My kids have had goes at both, but neither stuck with them, either!
Reading all that back, it sounds like I tried it all, but stuck at nothing, lol! But I did love reading, and writing, and I’m published, now, so that must mean something!
I did it! I made a throwback Thursday on a Thursday Hat-trick!!
But I Smile Anyway... 