“I always cry at weddings. They’re beautiful and I’m always moved.”
Jennifer Westfeldt
Thank you, Spidey, for a lovely quote!
We attended a wedding, yesterday, after quite a few years, what with lockdown, covid, etc.
I love a good wedding.
We used to attend them all the time when I was growing up, but less so, since I got married, as my Hubby Dearest’s family is quite small in comparison to mine, and also because we are further away from my family, now so attending all the weddings is not feasible.
Anyway, back to yesterday.
As I watched sever parts of the marriage ceremony, I felt a different emotional pull at certain points. The time when, in our Sikh ceremony, the bride’s father stands up and takes one end of the palla, or scarf that is draped around the groom’s neck and hands it to his daughter, signifying that you are now going to be walking together, through life with this guy, and you won’t be my little girl anymore.
I had tears in my eyes, not because I was thinking of myself, but it hit me that one day Lil Princess will be in that position…
This time, I really listened to the granthi, the priest, as he recited from the Guru Granth Sahib at the time of the ceremony and the words of the inevitable uncle-ji who stands up and gives a sikhya (speech or set of lessons about marriage) and I thought how his message hadn’t changed in all the years I’ve been attending marriages, but equally, I also dug deeper into the ‘advice’ and how it wasn’t always promoting the equality that Sikhism is based on.
The bride was addressed and was advised to compromise on things that weren’t to her liking because that’s the best way.
The groom was told to be a Man, providing for his family.
(Simple contraction of a 15-minute long speech!)
It made me wonder what the younger generation would think as they listened (because the guy spoke in both Punjabi and English).
There are more youngsters who might not look outwardly Sikh or fully baptised, but many are more versed in the ins and outs of our teachings, thanks to some fantastic people out there who you can follow on Social Media.
And some of those words, said in respect and blessing, could be looked upon as interpreting the words of our Gurus in their own way, and putting the bride at home and the groom to work, rather than the equality that our religion actually speaks of.
It shouldn’t all fall on the groom’s shoulders to provide.
Neither should the compromise be just the bride’s sacrifice.
I can hear these words being said in a different way, to me on my own wedding day, and I never really thought about the implications. Today, as a much more grown-up woman, it made me pause, and think, “What advice are we giving our young couples? is it the right thing to say?”
Marriage is a compromise. 100%, but the compromise should come from both parties. And you can work, together, as a couple, to fulfil your life dreams.
I am going to stop rambling because I have to go and get ready for the wedding reception, now!
But, before I leave, how have your thoughts on marriage changed over the years?
Wishing you a wonderfully peaceful Sunday, Peeps!
But I Smile Anyway... 
Aug 23, 2022 @ 02:43:13
I love how you heard the same words, but in a different, reflective way. How each generation interprets the message is very interesting. I wonder how Lil Princess will feel about the words.
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Aug 23, 2022 @ 09:07:56
It feels like with experience, you always hear the same words more effectively, Jennie.
Right now, at 14, I don’t think she was even listening! 🤣
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Aug 23, 2022 @ 15:53:01
So true! 😅
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 18:02:45
I love weddings too, Ritu. They’re always times of joy and such a sunny look at the future. Like you, I wonder too about the messages given to both the brides and grooms in traditional weddings. Pausing to reflect is always a good idea. ❤
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 18:05:00
Absolutely, Diana. I love a good wedding 🥰
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 17:49:46
Talk about compromise. I was married once. The ceremony was as disappointing as the ten years that followed. It’s funny how people can hide their true selves until the prey has been captured. He was abusive and ignored our son. Compromising my needs and desires was the only thing that kept my son and I safe. One day he even told him “You’ll be gone in a few years and I’ll have her all to myself” That was the day I began planning our escape.
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 18:03:42
Oh, that is awful!
I’m fully aware that marriage is not right for many. Abusive relationships
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 18:04:33
Sorry, pressed send to fast! Abusive relationships should never be tolerated, and I applaud you for getting out 🥰
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Aug 23, 2022 @ 21:27:39
Thank you. I still believe in love and think now and then it might be nice to have a partner. Not necessarily get married, but have a partner.
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Aug 23, 2022 @ 21:28:16
🤗🤗🤗
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 02:54:12
Excellent post, Ritu! Like many people, I sometimes struggle with certain parts of my religion that don’t jive with my beliefs.
On a separate subject, I think people are too quick to call it quits on marriage. It is not like shopping for a new car.
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 06:43:53
So true, Pete. We live in a disposable era, and one where not much is built to last.
This shouldn’t stretch to marriage!
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 19:56:56
Happy anniversary to you both, Sis! It seems you had a nice event with the celebration of anothers wedding. Your telling at the end sounds great. Yes, both partners should take the same responsibility. Best wishes, Michael
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 20:00:49
They should!
It’s Willow’s anniversary 🥰
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 13:54:35
Although, an Indian wedding is completely different from a catholic wedding I made a similar experience when my daughter married. After all the years of experience hearing the words and seeing the ceremony you see a different, more lived, meaning in everything. The words may not come to your mind when you are going through the told situations but hearing the words now you remember the situations.
So, I get you, Sis.
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 19:59:52
So, so true, Sis! 💛💛
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Aug 31, 2022 @ 19:10:43
💖
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 13:33:34
Always interesting to see comments on posts like these, they are resonate!
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 19:59:27
They do, John!
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 12:09:38
I am constantly amazed by the successes and failures of marriages all around me. What I have come to understand about the institution of marriage is that it is a remarkable experience either way!
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 19:59:15
Oh, it is, Sis 🤗
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 10:34:43
This is apt Sis, today of all days I have been married for 51years and yes life in marriage is a huge compromise. All those years ago my vows and the way people thought were much the same as your Sikh ones yesterday…and yes I question them too even then. We must all give and take. I believe all the world is the same some just hide it better than others. 💜💜
That said I love a wedding too. Have fun at the reception 💜💜😜
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 13:54:00
Aw! Happy anniversary, Sis!!! To you both 💛💛💛
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 14:01:09
Thank you 😊😊
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 08:43:27
Therein lies the danger that the ceremony becomes irrelevant because the words do not resonate. All societal structures, religions amongst them have to speak to todays mores. All major religions conceive of equality but when written no doubt the aim was between males. Wise leaders will adapt that to todays circumstances. Or at least let’s hope they find a way. While personally I find all religions absurd, I understand their importance to many and the good wise counsel can bring, but only if that counsel is credible.
Any way I love me a good wedding and a sniff or two…
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 08:55:14
Oh, His Geoffleship, I love a good wedding, too!
I can see small changes happening, that are better suited to the reality of the words written, all those centuries ago, and that is a good thing, but for some, their old way of thinking makes it hard for them to understand, or accept… What Can you do? 🤷🏽♀️
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 12:05:55
All the world’s religions reference works written centuries, millennia sometimes ago in patriarchal agrarian societies where the like of homosexuality, gender fluidity and the sort of human rights we take for granted were either abhorred or ignored. We live in a male default society that fails to disaggregate its data to ensure proper representation to women and minorities and relying on these mythological tomes perpetuates that. They have to change. Unless they do we will continue to have justifications for appalling inhumane behaviour. If you’ve not read Invisble Women by Caroline Criado-Perez do. And get Lil Princess and Lil man to do so to as its their generation that need to demand changes. And both sexes need to do it or we will never be as great as we can be. Its eye opening.
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Aug 22, 2022 @ 13:55:58
I shall definitely take your recommendation into my own tbr!
Youre right. Change needs to happen from all sides! X
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 06:34:00
Though our weddings are different from yours, the culture is the same! The compromise is supported to come from the girl. And the man; he just supposed to be the one reaping the benefits. It’s time to change that.
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 08:53:01
I think this generation will cement the changes the last one began to make!
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Aug 21, 2022 @ 09:03:46
I hope so.
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