A little revisit of an older post of mine. 😃
It was fun writing about the whole Arranged Marriage thing, and it brought another issue to my mind too.
What’s she worth?
The whole dowry issue. I don’t know what you might know about dowries, but in India, and within Indian families around the world, it is, and in some cases, was, thankfully, a custom of gifting the bridegrooms family with money and items, to basically bump up the value of their girl!
It’s common practice to give a girl a certain amount of jewellery, or gold. This hails back to the days when a woman wasn’t educated, or didn’t work, have a career, besides being a home maker, a wife and mother. The gold was there as a security almost. If something was to happen to her husband, or she fell into any difficulties, that the gold was there for her to use, to better her life again. A lot of women saw that gold handed over, given in good faith by her family, to the in-laws, never to see it again.
The reason I blog about it today is the same show me and the munchkins were watching, showed a family refusing to take anything from the brides family, the fact that they were giving their daughter, was gift enough. In theory, this is a wonderful idea, however in the serial, it is a cover up, they don’t want to demand anything, they need the boy married off poste haste, to cover some criminal activity!
But it brought me to thinking about dowry, and demands nowadays. Here in the UK I have noticed, that there is not so much of a demand for items now. Mostly we have love marriages. The couple would probably wed whether their family was happy or not, yet tradition still dictates that there is a certain amount of lehn dehn, give and take, involved. an outfit for the boy, an outfit each for the main females of the grooms family, and shirts or turbans for the menfolk. Some get a small jewellery set, or rings too. but the weddings themselves are huge affairs, costing tens of thousands of pounds, so as a parent, you need to be saving, well, before you even have kids!
In India, from what I have heard and experienced, there is still a lot of it happening, even though it is frowned upon. Not only do you need to give your daughter , who you have lovingly brought up, into a strangers family, but they want a car, a fully kitted out kitchen, new sofa set… oh, all manner of things! And if the boy is in high demand, this can be a bartering tool to go from that three door car to the 5 door 4×4!
Anti-Dowry
So many families, using the wealth that is their sons, to gather even more! It amazes me, some people have no shame!
The other thing that is happening is that you get people with their visas for abroad, and permanent residencies, coming back home and then selling their kids hand to the highest bidder… that is a whole other topic that I will blog about at a later date!
Seriously??!! You know, when we got married, my in laws didn’t ask for the earth, we just did the basics. It wasn’t needed. Its not like they lived in poverty and needed a leg up, by way of gifts from the daughter in laws family! As much as you get a daughter, the other side gain a son.. isn’t that give and take enough?
When our time comes, I know that what would be of utmost importance to us, is that the children be happy. I couldn’t put a price on my daughter, or son’s head or anyone else’s either!
