But I Smile Anyway…

I can’t speak of love in any way without talking about my two children.

The love we have for our children is unconditional. We created these tiny beings, they are ours to nurture and mould. Little reminders of us.

But it’s not always easy to become a parent.

No matter how good a parent all profess you’ll be, it’s not always that simple. I spent my younger years dreaming of getting married and having children. After all, that was how it happened, wasn’t it?

After a year of marriage we decided to start trying for a family.

It became two years of heartache, as I discovered that I suffered from PCOS (Polycystic Ovaries) The teasing of missed periods, which were nothing more than my ovaries taunting me, others falling pregnant with apparent ease, babies all around me, it was not easy.

But with a little help, we were finally blessed with one miracle. The second followed three years later, but after the devastating loss of two little angels.

My children are now 11 and 8 respectively, and, though they can be trying as kids have a tendency to be, they truly are the apples of our eyes. Not one day goes by where I don’t thank God for bringing these little bundles of joy into our lives.

I do have those moments, when they are trying my patience, that I wonder whether I actually like them, but love… that love I feel for them is incomparable to anything else in the world!

I will probably write more deeply about each of my children at a later stage, but for now I’ll leave you with a poem I penned a couple of years ago. It was previously posted on my blog, and has since been published in my poetry book, Poetic RITUals, too❤

From Twinkle To Reality

Let me take you down that road,
Much travelled through eternity
The journey to become a mum,
From twinkle to reality.

The plans you make at a young age,
Full of gurgles and laughter,
The horror as you realise,
What really does come after!

The fun of trying,
The monthly wait.
The disappointment,
That feeling, you hate…

The years of trying,
Full of hospitals and checks,
The medication taking you over,
You feel like total wrecks…

Then finally, the day comes
That positive is clear
The goal that you were aiming for,
Has suddenly come near.

The months of fascination,
Your changing body grows
The feeling of satisfaction
That only you can know.

Those pain-filled days, or hours
To reach the prize you sought
The feeling of satisfaction
That this little bundle brought.

I gaze at you in wonder
Are you really here?
I’m overwhelmed with happines
And a tiny bit of fear.

Will I be able to give to you
All you want and need?
As you look at me, wide eyed
Snuggled close while you feed.

Little blessing, sent from God
My heart is filled with joy
I will do all I can for you,
My darling baby boy.

And so the cycle continues
The waits and checks again
We’re gifted with a gorgeous girl
After a little more pain.

My life is here with me right now
Some twinkles from my eyes.
But I’ll never forget those twinkles
That now, do grace the skies…

Dedicated to my wonderful children, recognising the struggles to have them, and remembering my 2 angels lighting the sky at night.

By Ritu

Remember, feel free to take part in #Loveuary! Just ping back to the daily post, as in this one for today! And if you are at a loss for a prompt, then visit my rules post here for a list of prompt suggestions!