You know when you are swallowed whole by family?
Your individuality disappears as you are swallowed with a new identity?
You are no longer “you’, instead you are someone’s wife, someone’s daughter in-law, and eventually someone’s mum?
Well, OK, I know not everyone feels this, but there are a lot of Indian women who have found themselves in that position.
And as for motherhood being all consuming, that covers a much wider range of women.
After I had Lil Man, I took a year out, and then we were in a position that I could reduce my hours, and work part-time. This meant squeezing all I needed to do in 3 hours. It didn’t leave much time for socialising. I worked, quick chats, then left to go home to be mummy again.
Again, another year out when Lil Princess arrived, but this time the office had decided, rather thoughtlessly, to move location, where it just wasn’t feasible to do part-time. Luckily, with my in-laws support with the children, I was able to go back full-time, and realised that, along with the money being better, my sanity was being restored! I was no longer just mummy, but I was me again. Those hours between 10am and 6pm didn’t revolve around the children or conversations about the children, naps, feeding, nappies, and family, but I could talk about whatever I wanted, without interruptions. I could swear if I wanted!
Around the kids and family I needed to be sane, strict, sensible, controlled, with a smidgin of fun thrown in. Now I had whole days where I could almost pretend I wasn’t a parent, until 6.30-7pm… Then I would have the rush of being mummy intensivly for an hour or so, then being the good daughter-in-law and wife before bed, only to get up and do the same the next day. Not so great.
Now, being in school I believe I have it even better. I work school hours, so have plenty of time with my family, and the hours at school, I am not the kids mum, unless there is a problem, which isn’t often. I am Ritu. (Or Mrs Bhathal to the kids). I have a wonderful relationship with my colleagues, the conversations behind the staffroom door can be hilarious! If I’ve had enough at home, I can forget it and enjoy my day at work, or garner the perspective of someone unassociated with the family.
I feel I finally have my sanity back. I have my individuality back. I am me again. And I wouldn’t be able to say that without the people I work with. They accept me for me, who I am, and the children at school too. They think (know) I’m a little loopy, and I love that!
I love being a wife and mother. There is no greater blessing but it’s good to know that that isn’t all I am. There is something else that is important, and that is me being me.
