But I Smile Anyway…

So it’s less than a year until I reach that next milestone…40… And I have been trying to be good, reigning in my appetite, trying to ensure I don’t end up with that middle aged spread that seems to hit so many.

Actually, I did so well this summer! We had a very close family wedding and I really wanted to lose some weight so I felt confident, and looked my best for the week long festivities. And, d’ya know what? I did it! I hit 9 1/2 stone, a weight I hadn’t even been at on our wedding day! (Obviously I had been that weight before… Well, I had to have been, to get past it and tip the scales at my heaviest… I won’t say what that was!😜) I signed up to a diet plan, which was great, sensible eating and advice on top of the recommended products, and felt great! After a week or two of clean eating I was getting comments from colleagues and friends about my complexion glowing! (And a bit about the weight loss!)

I even managed to exercise… No mean feat for me! Being a mum, I find there is no time in the day for me to grab even half an hour to keep fit, and if, by some fluke, I do have spare minutes, the last thing I want to do is be getting sweaty by exercising! Just sitting down is a luxury! But, as it was the summer months and we had daylight so early, I set my alarm half an hour earlier than usual, and embarked on Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred, as recommended pay some friends on a weight loss support site….
OMG!!!! It was only a 20 minute daily workout, but I was sweating (oops, should I be ladylike and say glowing, or perspiring? Nope, sweating fits the bill perfectly!) like a P.I.G.!! Well, I’ve been told that’s a good thing, so I continued doing the programme.

Got to day 21 and my darling kitten, who was only about 4 months old at the time, used to watch me fascinated as I threw myself around, squatting and lunging, crunching and whatever else you have to do. He’d lick my face every time I came down on a press-up, ur try and climb on me as I did sit ups, then decided it would be a great idea to catch my foot every time I stepped forward to lunge. During one of these ‘playful’ sessions I managed to twist my knee, avoiding him during a lunge… It was preferable to squashed kitty… But oh , how it hurts!!!! I was gutted! I’d done so well and could see the difference in my body shape, and couldn’t continue it straight away because of the darned knee! So, bring as I’d set myself a goal, I found alternate torture, I mean exercise (😁), to carry on.

Then since the summer, and after the wedding, I went into free fall again…
Well, I enjoyed myself, I should say. I ate, drank, did no ecercise, and a little crept on again, but not too much! And this is where I’m at now. I’ve realised that it’s too much hard work to stay a specific weight. I’ll try to not go beyond 10 stone… I’ll attempt to do the odd bit of exercise, but to be honest rushing around, as a wife, mum and daughter in law, and working in a school, running around after 4-5 year olds, I think I can’t be classed as lazy! I’ll eat carefully, but I won’t deny myself ( though I should sometimes. Ok, one bar of chocolate is enough, but sometimes I just HAVE to reach for the second😳) and if I want to lose weight, it needs to be for the right reason…

Thinking back, I was concerned about one individual, one person who, in my life, has never fostered any confidence in me, despite being my elder, someone who should have been supportive but just wasn’t. I was seeing said person after a long time, and my self belief just crumbled. Those who know me would think I’m a self confident person with no worries like this, and generally I am, but I don’t know why, this person comes on the scene, and I’m 10 again, in the shadows ( though not in awe, I have to say… There is no one I’d rather be LESS like!) hoping I’m doing right by them. Still, after this summer, and the wise words of some precious folk in my life, I faced this person, got through what I dreaded would be an ordeal, and came out with a renewed confidence!

You know what? I’m great as I am! Proud to be nearing 40 and looking how I do! Lucky to be the wife to a fantastic Hubby, mother to two crazy kids, I have a roof over my head, and food and drink so that if I wanted, I CAN indulge!! I have the most AMAZING friends, FANTASTIC colleagues, the BEST family a woman could ask for… What more do I need?