But I Smile Anyway…

It’s not been a week since I had my rather dramatic accident, and I am sat here at home feeling rather contemplative…

I came out of a written-off car and looked physically unscathed. In fact, other than a sore neck and the shakes (from the shock) I felt fine.

Still, I was advised by all who called/messaged/saw me, to rest up and take it easy.

I guess that was the obvious thing to do.

It’s hard to not feel almost like a phoney for being off work when it doesn’t look like you are unwell. Other than the fetching collar that I have to wear in the car when travelling, I guess I look pretty much normal. But the days that followed the accident showed me exactly how much I really needed to rest.

Day 1 – THE INCIDENT

After leaving the hospital, I was shaking… a lot. I felt tenderness in my neck and shoulders, but I was walking around and thought I was ok. A hot bath, turmeric milk courtesy of my Pops and Ibuprofen were the climax of a highly emotional 16 hours.

Day 2 – GETTING HOME

The A & E doctor was right to advise me to sleep with painkillers by my side. I woke with extreme pain in the neck and upper back. I stayed in bed most of the morning, ringing the insurance, and taking time to reflect on the goings on of the day before, writing my post to you all. After a shower, we ate lunch, I popped more pills and waited for Hubby Dearest to come and pick me up.

The drive home was weird. I wasn’t sure how I would feel, driving by the location of the accident. Would it panic me? Would I just not want to go there? Actually none of those. I pointed the exact spot to my Hubby Dearest, quite calmly, and was surprised to still see my bumper gracing the central reservation!

I was conscious that he had been driving for over 5 hours and offered to take the wheel… but he refused even though I assured him I wasn’t planning on writing off all the family cars!

Sleep came to me and when we arrived back, I was greeted with many gentle hugs from my children and in-laws.

Coming to our house, I tried to be as normal as possible, getting the children’s things together for school, then after they went to bed, had another hot bath then bed.

Day 3 – SEEING THE GP AND GETTING MY COURTESY CAR

I was up at the crack of dawn as usual. But I wasn’t going to work, obviously. The kids were pretty good, getting ready, and Hubby Dearest deposited them at school. My pains had moved around a bit now, to include the lower back and the chest and abdomen area where my belt would have tightened around me. Stiffness had set in a bit too. Hello, Painkillers!

The GP was horrified at the details of the accident, as was the lovely receptionist. He advised at least this week off, and gave me a prescription for stronger painkillers if need be, and that I should see how I feel come Monday. If need be, he would sign me off for longer. But in the meantime, I need to try and move around gently and only try light jobs around the house. Only if I was capable of these tasks, should I even try to think of going back to work.

Also, I needed to wait a few weeks to see whether I needed to be referred for any physiotherapy. Only time will tell.

We picked up my courtesy car too, a cute little Toyota! Hubby was weary of me driving it, but one thing I remember from after the accident was that one of the women who stopped and waited with me mentioned getting back behind the wheel sooner rather than later. She had been in an accident like this before and said that if she hadn’t driven straight away, she may have never driven again.

So I drove, slowly, back home. It was a short journey. I was a little nervous, but not scared. At least that was one battle overcome!

Another bath and an early night, accompanied by more drugs.

But not before the reality of what had happened to me really hit home. Getting short flashbacks of the accident, and thinking back to what could have happened, and just how lucky I was, caused the tears to flow. Hubby Dearest was, and is, my rock.

Day 4 – FEELING LIKE A PHONEY

I woke up on Tuesday and didn’t quite leap from bed, but felt a lot better. Getting the kids ready for school was a relative doddle, and Hubby Dearest dropped them off. Then the pains kicked in. The stiffness spread to my upper legs now too.

Ok, maybe I wasn’t quite right yet.

Another day on the sofa or in bed, watching films and reading. It wasn’t too bad, but I felt guilty being at home, rather than with my colleagues and class. But then, knowing that I could manage 30-40 minutes of gentle activity before feeling like cr@p, meant I couldn’t really be in charge of a class all day.

I went alone to pick the kids up from my in-laws in the evening, and I was okay.

I was concerned about how all this was affecting my children, so I asked them. Surprisingly, they were both fine. Children are more resilient than we think. “Mummy, when we heard about the accident, we were so worried, but when we spoke to you then we were fine, ” Lil Man said. “And seeing you the next day Mummy, we knew you were okay,” said Lil Princess.

The evening passed with no major incidents and was the first night I didn’t have a bath. I was tired, and the painkillers seemed to have helped the aches. Bedtime.

Day 5 – OVERDOING IT

I woke up to a lot of stiffness. Reminded Hubby Dearest to force me to have my bath tonight.

But I felt awake and full of jumping beans. Enough so that I volunteered to drop the kids to school. And that was fine too. There was no standing around involved, just them jumping out of the car. Came home and perched myself on the sofa, watching more films, reading, and scheduling posts. After lunch, a little sleep, and then I went to pick Lil Princess up. She finished late as she had a club so I figured that there wouldn’t be too many people around, and I would be saving my Father-in-law a journey too.

Maybe this was where I overestimated my body’s ability to cope.

I was ok there, but waiting for a while for her, I was feeling the cold more. A few colleagues saw me and rushed over to have a quick catch up. “What are you doing here?” was the main question, followed by “How are you?” and “What the heck happened?”.

Forty minutes later we got home, and I was feeling wiped out.

I was determined to get an early night after a hot bath.

But had to contend with a moody tween who was unable to perfect some stunt scooter move (?!) and a smaller tween fussing about her costume for World Book Day which was happening the next day.

The wave of tiredness caught up with me and at 10.30pm I woke up realising I was meant to be having a soak, not going to sleep! So I duly filled the tub and stepped in. It was relaxing but made me want to fall asleep. Then the wind started howling, and I couldn’t help but feel anxious. One possible cuplrit of the accident was the winds that had been blowing that day, and hearing them outside, I started to involuntarily relive the accident…

I got out as soon as I could and went straight to bed, firmly cuddled up to my Superhero hubby.

Day 6 – WIPEOUT

Oh my, where has my energy gone?

I woke up as usual early and had intended on getting Hubby Dearest to drop the kids off, but I decided I would go and pop into school to see my Head Teacher.

Today was the first day I felt that maybe it was going to take longer than a week to get fit enough for school, and I wanted to mention this to her personally.

My boss and colleagues are lovely and the people I met while there were so concerned, it was heart warming. I mentioned waiting until Monday before knowing what next week would hold to my Head, and she understood. I need to take care of my health first and foremost.

Coming home I sat down and felt like rubbish. I was/am drained today.

I didn’t even have the energy to hold my Kindle in my hand. I lay comatose on the sofa, watching a film, then turned over and went to sleep.

Lunch was followed by more sleeping.

And this is how my days have gone.

Getting up, I get a little dizzy. The aches are basically everywhere. I can move around for a short while before things catch up with me. But I feel generally drained of energy.

Thank goodness for tablets and heat sprays, hot water bottles and support pillows!

I feel blessed to be here. 

I feel blessed for all the people in my life who have shown so much concern for me.

And I now understand that I have to listen to my body, and not my guilty conscience. If I am not ready to get back to full functionality, I have to rest up. Pushing myself before I am able will only detrimental to me in the long run.

Thank you, everyone, for all your messages of support. ❤