It’s not enough that the country is reeling with the results of the recent Referendum. Uncertainty sweeping the country.
I get stupid stuff happening at home too.
Those of you that know me, will have read about my struggles with one of my children.
Lil Princess.
I love that child, God do I love her, but she has been testing boundaries, and pushing limits way too far recently.
I have spent hours in conversation with Hubby Dearest, trying to work out what we are doing wrong, to no avail.
She can be a delightful little thing. Shes only 8 years old, how horrible can she be?
Well, it’s the aggression and frustration she displays that kills me. The attitude she shows which dumbfounds me. The rudeness which follows that shocks me.
I would never have been like that at all as a child growing up. I wouldn’t have dared to answer back to my parents.
But she does.
She shows no patience, and will not follow any instructions or requests to do anything, unless they are under her terms. She acts spoilt, expecting rewards for good behaviour, and get so stroppy if she doesn’t get what she wants.
The tightly clenched fists, the furrowed brows as she looks at me, the want to lash out, it is all there coursing through her. you can see it in her eyes. That anger. It scares me.
The other day, she had a particularly impressive tantrum, after I had asked her to stop roly-polying on the bed, in case she fell off and broke her neck. She went on my bedroom floor and continued, but there is not enough room to do gymnastic displays there either, so I had to ask her to stop again, and think about where she was before contorting herself into silly positions.
Cue her storming off, in a true huff, to her bed, and in a HUGE mood.
I tried to be gentle to no avail, ended up shouting at her and walking out of the bedroom.
Then I figured there must be something else bothering her. Maybe something at school, or even at home, that she is having issues with. So I went back, and tried to have a chat.
She shook her head, then nodded, blamed her moods on a little boy at school with whom she had had issues before. But I know it’s not that, this kid is not a concern anymore. As a teacher in her school, I get the inside info!
Nothing else was said, so I sent her off to bed with a goodnight kiss, and returned downstairs to Hubby Dearest.
Then it hit me like a hammer.
Maybe she has been missing quality time with us.
Yes I am with her every day, but it’s not time spent together.
Ever since I started teaching, my hours have got longer at school and I am back later than usual, so I pick the kids up from their grandparents, and its home, bath and bed. The weekends are filled with Lil Man’s training, and Lil Princess at Punjabi school (which she doesn’t like), then homework. The difference with the weekend activities, he is doing things he loves. She is being made to go somewhere she doesn’t really want to, and she finds it hard.
You may wonder why I don’t just take her out. Well, she has got used to getting her own way a lot, and we made a deal that she would try this for a year, as my in-laws feel very strongly about her starting to learn her home language too. And I also think it’s important to fulfil a commitment that you have made. There are a few weeks left, and I am pretty sure I won’t be sending her next year, but she will at least have finished this academic year.
Another thing which I feel is affecting not only my child, but other kids out there, is the pressure that they put on at school, from a very young age, and the fear of failure is running through them way before it should really be there. This, I really think, is another reason we have so many angst-filled kids, who have been labelled from a young age, so they are frustrated, and rebel.
So, I bandied the idea around. Maybe we need a Mummy-Daughter date. Some time, just the two of us, where we can talk and do girlie things, get dinner, go (window) shopping, and just chill.
It was a lovely evening. We shopped for her brother’s birthday present and had dinner out.
Was it enough to start seeing a turn in her attitude?
She was still unable to answer a question without irritation the next day.
And today I think the icing was definitely piped on this particular cake.
We are packing for my Lil Man to go on his first school residential trip and we popped in to my in-laws house so he could say bye to them. It was going to be a flying visit, as they both had wanted to stay at home, chilling.
When I got up and told the kids to get ready to go, she started playing up. Wanting to stay longer, and generally making life very hard for me. The things she was saying were contradicting all I had been speaking to my in-laws about, and making me look like I was lying about things, like I was forcing her to do something she didn’t want to. I can’t go into details but she knew what she was doing, and that hurt.
It didn’t help that Hubby Dearest walked in part way, no knowing what was happening. He just said to leave her there, and that he would bring her home when he came back.
So I did. I got Lil Man, and we went home. I ended up messaging a long diatribe to Hubby Dearest, telling him he needs to have a long hard chat with his precious, as I feel like I failed as a parent.
Spending time with her, behaviour charts and rewards, being patient, being strict, nothing worked. I give her everything, I give her love, but it is never enough.
I cried. I cried hard. Lil Man cuddled up next to me. I know it was wrong to show this in front of him, but I was broken. I couldn’t fix myself.
We just cuddled on my bed and I ended up asleep.
Soon the rest of the family arrived home, and I was woken up by a child with a bunch of flowers.
Will it make things better? I don’t know. But at least for now, she was given some awareness from her dad, how much she has hurt mummy, and how her behaviour needs to change.
We have a week together, well a few days, while Lil Man disappears for his trip. I can only hope this time together without her brother, will be a good time, for her to spend with us, getting our full attention, not sharing it with him. She always thinks that she got the short straw, being the second child, because he got us for nearly 3 years, with no ‘competition’ whereas since she was born, she has had to share us!
Ok, I am now going to stop. This is meant to be a positive blog!
I’m smiling again now! And so far, so is she….!
