I love our oldies!

They are the most important people in your life for so many years, you almost idolise them, they can do no wrong.


Then you get older and realise that, much as you love them to bits, they are human too, their behaviour can be annoying, or comical even, things they say make you howl with laughter, even though they don’t understand why you are giggling.

A comment I made on a fellow blogger, the Cornfed Contessa‘s post this morning, brought some funny stories flooding back.

I’ll start with the one I recounted earlier.

1) Why wont it work?

We visited family, and after a ‘little’ tipple (she’s not a drinker at all usually!) my mum and aunt were washing dishes. They were finding it really hard to get the washing up liquid to froth up. Anyhow, the next morning, mum woke with a thumping headache (hangover anyone?!). My aunt called to see how she was. She explained the reason for the headache ( my cousin thought it would be a giggle to double up the measure of spirits in their drinks!) and they had been washing up with hand lotion instead of washing up liquid!

2) Tummy Drumming

As I said above, she is not really a drinker, neither is my Pops, but for whatever reason, every couple of years, they would have this company come visit, and would taste wine, and select a few bottles to buy (I’m still not sure why, but they did!)  My brother, younger than me, loved the opportunity to ‘taste’ the wine too, but I was never that keen. Any way, sometimes at Christmas, they would open a bottle to share at dinner, and one time, I think it was stronger than they had anticipated, as by late afternoon, my mum was laying across the sofa, head on Pops’ belly, and gently drumming on his belly, giggling at the sound it made… oh it made us laugh, watching them!

3) Easy Access

Now my darling brother is a bit naughty, and he hasn’t stopped as he has got older.  He used to go to a boarding school, and at his holidays and exeats (weekends home) he would bring his trunk full of washing home for mum to sort out.  As he got older his style of underpants changed and he started to wear the Calvin Klein type boxers, fitted and snug etc.  Pops was a devout y-fronter!  As she ironed them (yes even our underpants were ironed, and to this day, I can’t stop doing ours either!) she admired them and said “Hmm, these look nice, I might get some for your dad…”   “Easy access, innit mum!” my brother piped up and mum, in a world of her own answered “Yes.” before realising what he had said and the implication of her answer!  Cue red face and a scolded brother, who was still laughing!

4) The Silent Finger

He is the paragon of peace, Mr Cool Calm and Collected, my Pops. I had never heard him use a bad word, in English or Punjabi, well not in front of us kids anyway.  But I guess even peaceful people have their limits!  Pops used to drive us everywhere, in fact he still does when he gets the chance. When he was younger, he would speed around and then as he realised that speed meant higher fuel costs, so he slowed right down, being Mr Sensible Driver (unless he really needed to press the accelerator to get somewhere fast!)  One night, we were coming home from some function or another, and he was going sedately in the middle lane, minding his own business. after a while it became apparent that a person behind him was tail-gating, and then whenever he moved to give way, the driver went right behind him again. After 20 minutes of to-ing and frow-ing, Pops got fed up and quickly looked at the back seat. seeing we were asleep, (but I wasn’t!) he quickly gave the tail-gater, the middle finger, stepped down on that accelerator and lost the twit behind!  I had to giggle, and he realised he had been caught. He shrugged, and just said, make sure you never do that!

5) We are human you know…

This has to be one of my favourite stories!  Now as I said, my brother was a boarding school boy, and as he hit 6th form and A-levels, he was an attractive young man, with his own fair share of admirers.  He used to play county level cricket and hockey, so Pops would ferry him around on weekends, around the country, to various matches.  One evening, as they headed back, my brother, who hated to hide anything from our parents, decided to tell Pops about a girl he had started seeing. She wasn’t Indian, but an English girl, a fellow pupil at his school.  Instead of getting angry, my Pops, who is peace personified, just said to my brother to remember that he should not disrespect her, to keep in his mind that she was someone’s daughter, someone’ s sister, and to treat her how he would want his own sister to be treated by a boy, and if he was to want to go that step further, to do the horizontal tango, to make sure he always used protection.  Once this hurdle was crossed, my brother felt a bit more, comfortable, shall we say, discussing bedtime antics.  “Pops,” he began, “so, do you and mum still, you know…” nudge, nudge, wink, wink!   (at this stage of my brother recounting this conversation, I was blushing myself, did I really want to hear the answer?!) Pops, driving, gave a quick sideways glance at my brother and said “We are human, you know.” and smiled, then continued on their journey!

Like I said, I love our oldies, they really make us laugh!  Wouldn’t change em for anything!

Tidbit Tuesday – Coitus Interruptus – shout out to all you parents!

Mums (and dads) out there, you all know what I’m talking about…

Lights finally turned down low, you might have even prepared in advance with a fresh shave, new lingerie… Or more likely, you’ve realised that tonight, you actually have a soupçon of energy left, after a busy day of mum chores, and well, it’s about time you gave your man access to his marital rights… It’s been so long, you’re not actually sure things are still working down there, so time to check it out.

You give your partner the sign, the nudge, to let him know you are ready, willing and able, and hopefully he’s not already fallen asleep, used to the reccurent knock backs!

Ok, so now it’s time to get the party started! You kiss like teens, and get ready for the Main Event. And it’s all systems go!

Oh you forgot how good this feels! There, right there! Yes! That’s it, a little more!

And then it happens. You know what I mean. That little creak, that far too familiar sound of a certain bedroom door opening and closing, and footsteps. You have timed this before, so fast as lightning, you pull apart, clothes restored, and that caring voice comes into play… “Aw sweetie! What’s the matter? Bad dream? Let’s tuck you up again.”

Peace and tranquility restored. You go back to the Main Event, hoping to finish what you started. You know you’re on a time limit so, fast as lightning you get back to getting jiggy, hoping to reach the climax you require, before any more interruptions. Sometimes it happens, and all is well, you are both sated, and a further uninterrupted night follows. Or other other happens… Your midnight visitor comes back… Twofold this time because the other one woke up too!

“Mummy, Daddy, I can’t sleep, I keep on hearing noises… There’s a ghost moaning in the house!” ( note to self, silent sex is a much better idea when kids are in the house!)

Defeatedly you throw open the covers of your bed, resigned to no more action that night…

But can I just say, a much more scary notion now… One child has had The Talk at school, and kinda knows what it’s all about! Can you imagine him/her computing this situation, with a whole load of new information to colour his thoughts! No no no!!!

I shall sign out here on this Tidbit Tuesday, and let you ponder on these thoughts….

But a tip… If you want an uninterrupted night of passion…. Get rid of the kids!  Send the kids to their grandparents for the night! Though saying that, often, when this does happen, I’m asleep before I know it, grateful for the chance of a full night’s uninterrupted sleep!!!! Poor Hubby Dearest!!!!

My interactive peeps!

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