Humour | But I Smile Anyway...

Friday Funnies – Trying To Keep Writers Block At Bay! #SundayBlogShare

18 Aug 2017 79 Comments

by Ritu in Humour, RiNoWRiMo, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Humour, RiNoWRiMo, Writer Memes

It’s one of those days.
I’ve been writing, and my mind came to a halt.
Then I thought what better than to browse the internet whilst munching on my rather late breakfast.

And I found some funny writer memes on Google that I just had to share!

writer meme 5

I think I have been doing that to myself, to be honest, enforcing word count targets on myself every day. My furry muse, however cute, just wants me to stroke him!

writer meme 1

Not pale either…. and I think I eat more as I create… Substitute the coffee for tea, and that may just be me!

writer meme 2

Though I have been pretty good, there have been mornings that I have felt have gone just like that!

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

I found a gif maker… trying really hard to keep myself away from it whilst I am meant to be writing!

writer meme 7

This just made me giggle!

writer meme 4

I’d like to think I’m going to be the ‘Ray of Sunshine’, probably more likely that I’m a Space Cadet though!

writer meme 3

And with that, I must get back to writing, need to try and tap out another 1,000 today, lr I’ll be shooting myself, like that first meme…!

So for any of you Peeps in my position, writing your first draft, good luck, and if you needed a giggle, I hope you got one!

I’ll be back on Monday with my week 3 update!

#RiNoWriMo

#RiNoWriMo!

At one with a Malteser… #ThrowbackThursday

17 Aug 2017 70 Comments

by Ritu in Humour, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Blog, Blog Post, Blogging, Breathe, Chocolate, Malteasers, Meditation, Mindfulness

(source)

I’m back after my teacher training day. It was lovely, a school with no crazy kids! Peace around the corridors and time to sort displays and classrooms out.

In the last half an hour or so, I had a short course on mindfulness. It was interesting, all about clearing your mind, slowing down, and thinking of negative thoughts at buses, or clouds, that pass by, not them being all encompassing.

I chose to do this course because, I kid you not, there was a picture of a Malteser in the handout!

And, to my joy, there was Malteasers present too!! And we got to eat…one…after becoming one with that Malteser…

I had to pick one, hold it, really look at it, think about its appearance (round), smell it (chocolate), listen to it (heck, it’ll only crunch when you let me eat it!), feel it (melting, melting, it needs my mouth!) And taste it…mmmmmmmm!

Oh, it dissolved so beautifully! Melted in the mouth theoretically. In reality, it melted in my hand!

Then we had to meditate for 5 minutes… Now, I do know the benefits, after all, my Pops teaches yoga! But in a room full of people, susceptible to giggling fits that I am, and with an open bag of Malteasers in front of me, do you REALLY think I can concentrate my mind on my breathing??!!

Kid’s Logic – Part 50 – Write a Book, We Can Get A Dog!

05 Aug 2017 65 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Humour, Kids Logic Series, My Writing, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Best Sellers, Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Dog, Kids Logic Series, Lil Man, Racist, Retirement, writing

It’s been over a year since I posted one of these! Not to say the kids haven’t come out with some corkers, but they are also more aware now, and I can’t be shaming my tweens (can I?!?)

But yesterday, I had a classic conversation, which was totally kids logic, and I had to share.

Both of the kids ( and their father) have fostered the hope of getting a dog. Npw, a few years ago, I would have flat out said no. I was scared of them. More recently, I have been more accepting of the idea of a dog, but the practicalities of having one, that I can’t change. It would be hard for us, with our life as it is, to be fair to a dog, and give them the life they need.

You know kids though. These things mean nothing. “But mummy, you don’t need to worry! We will look after it!” I mention the fact that no one is at home during the day ” It’s ok Sonu (the cat!) will look after it!”

Then Lil Man had a lightbulb moment!

LM: Mum, when do you retire?
Me: Not for a long while yet son.. the way things are going, I’ll need to work at least another 30 years!
LM: Why?
Me: Because we need to earn money to survive, and save up for when we do retire.
LM: Haven;t you got enough yet?
Me: Nope, and we still have a lot of spending to do before we are at the stage where we just save.Gotta bring you two up first! Either that or we win the Lottery, or this book I’m writing becomes a best seller!
LM: That’s it. Write a best seller then!
Me: If only it were that easy son…
LM: If you sell like a hundred, would that be enough?
Me: Not quite.
LM: Do you get all the money when you sell a book?
Me: No.
LM: Is it about Indians?
Me: Yes, kinda..
LM: Well then all the Indians will buy it! And if they aren’t Indian, you say “Why aren’t you buying it? Are you racist?!”
Me: Er, no son, it’s just not that simple to write a best seller. If I am lucky and someone important read it, and recommended it, it could sell more, or even better, if a movie company say it and wanted to make it into a film that would be great too!
LM: Ok then, write one of those! Do you have pictures in it?
Me: No son, it’s not that kind of book.
LM: What? Not even at the beginning and end of a chapter?
Me: No.
LM: Get ’em from the internet, innit!
Me: No thanks son. Firstly, that would cost a lot too, and secondly, I don’t need pictures!
LM: So get on with it Mum, write that book and sell loads, then you can retire.
Me: why are you so worried about me retiring?
LM: So we can get a dog innit! And you can look after it!

Simples!

Kid’s Logic, see!

Ouch!

23 Jul 2017 63 Comments

by Ritu in Humour, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Goodness Gracious Me!, Holiday, injury, Ouch

The first Sunday of my holidays and the tiredness really hit home!

It was a busy Friday, rushing from school to join thousands of cars on the Motorway, to get to Birmingham, but we did it.

A whistle-stop trip to see my parents, staying overnight with them, before the wedding we were to attend.

A day of driving to and from, and sitting, at the wedding. Eating, but no dancing, I was too tired!

Don’t scrub up too bad, eh!

Then back on the motorway to get home!

This morning, I woke up near 9 am. That is unheard of for me to be honest! But I needed the sleep!

Went shopping, the housework can wait, but food couldn’t!

Post-lunch I just crashed out.

Two hours of sleep left me groggy as anything, but I got up, and promptly slipped down the stairs, bumping elbows and my back.

Currently, I am sat here, aching all over, contemplating a hot bath to soothe my clumsy body… Then I need to sleep early!

But thank goodness for the holidays eh!

I am planning on binge watching Goodness Gracious Me! as I finally got the Box set!

IMG_20170718_194108_697

Need to educate the kids in a bit more British Asian comedy! They already love Citizen Khan!

What the heck is a Vagina Facial????!!!! #ThrowbackThursday

20 Jul 2017 125 Comments

by Ritu in Humour Tags: Anecdotes, Beauty, Blog, Blogging, Cosmetic Surgery, Facial, Humour, Vagina, Vagina Facial

* I apologise in advance, it’s a bit crude, but was sooooo funny, I had to share this anecdote from today! If you are a very prim and proper person and don’t like to talk about sex, genitalia, and the like, click off now!

So there I was, innocently eating my lunch and browsing my Facebook news page. I nearly choked as I read one post about my friend also discussing her gladness at having already eaten before being introduced to this subject.

Apparently a 74-year-old was on daytime TV discussing having a ‘Vagina Facial’ to please her 30-year-old lover!

Vagina facial… conjures up many images….

I couldn’t help it, at the staff room lunch table I asked, “What the heck is a Vagina Facial??!!” There were plenty of flabbergasted faces, lots of ‘What on earth are you saying?’, ‘Say that again?’.

I googled it, and apparently its a new surgery for mature ladies for their, ahem, ‘lady gardens’, to counteract sagging and dryness!

Ok so that was kinda what I assumed it was going to be, but really? A Vagina Facial??!!

There’s always one who states the obvious, “Oh, thank God for that! You said facial and I had all sorts of weird ideas! What, does a woman lay down and have someone else ‘rubbing themselves’ across her face??!!”

“Nah, that’s called being a lesbian!” piped up someone else.

Around the table, there was pure hysterics, and the staff sitting in the other area looked over, intrigued, but almost too scared to ask what the giggles were about!

So, what followed this was a whole crude discussion about what it could have been, and what it was. I left at this stage, I had a class to bring in after lunch!

But, seriously, who on earth thought the name ‘Vagina Facial’ was a good idea in the first place??!! Vagi-lift, maybe, Tight-ina, Vagi-cial… anything but associating the face with ‘down below’ for a beauty treatment!