Spidey’s Serene Sunday – Part 160 #MothersDay

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“A mother is a woman who shows you the light when you just see the dark.” –  Grimaldos Robin 

Never a truer word spoken.  I know my mother is one who helps me see the light and positivity in all situations.

She is my rock, a beacon of light in the darkness, keeps me grounded, and loves me for me.

I am so happy that she is here with me to celebrate Mothers Day today, so I am off to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

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But remember, today may be a day to celebrate, but appreciate your mothers everyday. You wouldn’t be here without them! ❤

Go spoil your mums! And if you are Mum, enjoy you day!

Stay positive 🙂

Happy Sunday Peeps!

My ‘Other’ Mothers #MothersDay

Other Mothers

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Yes, really!

My mum, my biological mother, will always be my idol. A woman I respect to the utmost, someone I aspire to be like, but over the years there have been others that have given  me the love of a mother for various reasons, and I want to celebrate them also.

Other

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The first ‘other’ mother I have to mention is, of course my Mother-In-Law (MIL).  Now, contrary to popular belief, my MIL and I have an amazing relationship.  I am so lucky to have her as my MIL.  She is a lovely lady, and has been a huge support to us, and me, as a woman, first and foremost.  She knows what its like to leave your home, and all you know, to live in another totally alien family.  I am 3 hours away from mine, she is a 10 hour plane ride away from hers!  She has taught me the ropes of being a daughter-in-law in my new family, helped me hugely with my journey to become  mum, and when I finally was one!  She looks after the kids for us, still cooks us meals, and nothing is too much for her… but the biggest thing, she gave me the love of a mum, when my own was far away. She treated me like the daughter she never had, and for that I will always be grateful. Love you MIL mum! ❤

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The second ‘other’ mother who is so important in my life is one of my aunts. I have to say here that all of my aunts are pretty special to me, they have all loved me, and treated me like a daughter, but this one I hold a special candle for… She has been in my life for many years, married my uncle.  They were unfortunately not blessed with a child of their own, despite many attempts to become parents.  Still, she had a smile on her face all the time, and through many important periods of my life she has been there, supportive, as a mother would be, and I have always wanted to give her the love and respect a mum deserves, as she would have made such an amazing mother. In fact, even though she couldn’t biologically do it, she has been ‘mum’ to many, helping her own other nieces and nephews to settle down in new countries, and new lives, and their children call her grandma, as they would to a ‘real’ grandma.  She is not well nowadays, fighting diabetes and epilepsy, and constantly giving us a scare, but she does it all with this most precious smile.  Last year she was ill, in hospital, and it was touch and go.  In fact my parents rushed overseas to be by her bedside, and I was on standby to go, if things took a turn for the worse… but she slowly turned a corner, and fought, and Pops would send me pictures of her in hospital, wearing the God – awful gowns, and hats, but with the biggest smile ever!   I love that smile, what I wouldn’t do to see it regularly.  Love you Mamiji mum! ❤

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The third ‘other’ mother I have is not someone in my family, or even from our community or religion. She is my ‘Ammi’, my best friend’s mum.  The day we became best buds, our families became extensions of each others.  My mum is called ‘mum’ by her, and her mum ‘ammi’ by me out of respect, and love.  See, a Sikh and Muslim family can have such a bond.  Ammi is such a wonderful person, funny, caring, loving.  I don’t get to see her often nowadays, but she is still someone, who, when she knows her daughter is seeing me, will make up my favourite dish of hers, and send it in a Tupperware pot, like any mum would do, and who would lament with me over the phone about my bezzie not getting married, and where she would find a suitable boy! (she did folks, and he is lovely!) s looks at my children as another set of grand children, and loves to see her ‘other’ son-in-law (Hubby Dearest), when he deems it right to pay a visit too! Love you Ammi mum! ❤

So you see, Mothers are not just those who give birth to you, but those that nurture you, and help you become the person you are. There are many such women out there who take the place of a ‘real’ mother for various reasons, be it as a step parent, a foster mum, an adoptive parent, or, like I have, those who you feel in your heart, deserve the love and respect a mother naturally should garner. My Mum will always be my mum, and she has taught me that my heart is big enough to have this type of love for many. She knows she is the most important lade in my life, but I believe she would be proud to know that I recognise these other women, the way I do above.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Another set of thoughts pre Mother's Day.

“You’re just like your mum.” The biggest compliment in the world! #MothersDay #SundayBlogShare

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Mothers day, or Mothering Sunday, is here in the UK, on March 11th this year.

It’s a time to show your appreciation for that wonderful woman who put you here on this earth.

But like Valentine’s Day, why should there be just one day when we show our love, and gratitude to these fantastic females?

I would like to celebrate my mum every day. She has been a rock throughout my life, and I’m sure will continue to be one for many years to come.

Recently I have had many people comment on how much I am looking like my mum. I don’t just want to look like her, I want to be like her too!

There is usually a bit of a thing from hubby to wife isn’t it? “Your getting like your mother!” Well Hello!!! If I am anything like my mother, you are one lucky man!!

  • She is the calmest person in all situations, she’s handled some crazy ones, and always carries herself with great aplomb.
  • She is a most amazing cook! I feel privileged to have grown up with her cuisine, she has encouraged my brother and I to try and learn from her too.
  • She taught me simplicity is best. I credit my good skin to her not smothering herself in makeup when I was little, and so not being too fussed about it myself, on a day to day basis.
  • She brought us up with fairness, and though there was the chance, she didn’t spoil us. Instead both her and my Pops made sure we had all we need to life a comfortable life.
  • Her patience is never ending!
  • She’s kinda cuckoo, in a good way, she knows how to laugh at herself!
  • She is a marvellous grandma to our children too!
  • Her way of talking to people means that almost everyone is at ease with her, and she is a confidante to many.
  • She knows how to handle family!
  • She is a wonderful Mother-in-Law, ask my Sister-In-Law!
  • She has an infinite amount of love for us all.

When I was younger, I’d look at her and be kinda mad, jealous, even. Her eyes are this beautiful light brown, and mine, that plain old dark brown of your average Indian. Instead of me inheriting them, her niece got them!

She had the long straight hair which my brother got, I got the wild frizzy curls courtesy of my Pops.

She got the naturally amazing shaped eyebrows, I got caterpillars. And she had non existent hair in legs… Me… The opposite!

But I did get her curves. And for that I am grateful!

And, even without certain physical features of hers, I really do look like her! In fact I was looking at old pictures from her school and college days, and had to do a double take. What was my picture doing in her old album?! She laughed and said ” No beta (child), that was me!”

Now I’m a wife, daughter-in-law and mother myself, I fully appreciate how much my mum has given of herself, how much of herself she has devoted to her children and family. I don’t think I am capable of doing all she has done but if I am half the mum she was and is, I know I’ll be amazing!
So thank you Mum,
For all you’ve done.
For all you’ve helped me through.
I couldn’t find
Another kind
Of mum, like you, it’s true.
Ritu 2015

Spidey’s Serene Sunday – Part 117 – Mums…

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“A mother understands what a child does not say.” Proverb

Seeing as it’s Mother’s Day in many other parts of the world, including the US of A where Spidey hails from, we thought why not celebrate it again!

I think there aren’t enough days in the year to truly celebrate what a mother is to us all.

The proverb above couldn’t ring more true for me anyway.

No matter where I am, what I am doing or how old I am, my mum always knows.

Whether I am feeling high as a kite, but haven’t said anything, or so low that I feel the ground will just rise above me, she knows.

It’s that mother’s intuition.

And she wont go rushing in hammer and tongs, asking me “What’s up? Why? Who? What? When?”

She just has that knack of saying the right thing to either allow me to open up, or to soothe my feelings.

She knows there are things I can’t tell her sometimes, or that I won’t, yet she still won’t push for information.

No interrogation.

Just that silent support.

She’s there for me. She always is.

And just as she can read my silence, I can feel her silent support.

Thank you Mum! ❤

Happy Mother’s Day!

Enjoy your Sunday Peeps! If you’re a mum, I hope you get appreciated for all you do! If your mum is still with you , make sure you show her how much she is loved. If your mum is being your silent support from above, look up, and thank her for still caring, even though she isn’t here.

For mums everywhere 🙂

My Mum And Me – Happy Mothers Day 💖

Mum, mom, mother, mama, maa…

So many ways to describe that woman who gave birth to you, raised you, and made you what you are…

I am very lucky, I have only had a positive experience of that maternal influence. My mother is one of the biggest influences and heroes in my life. She gave up everything to be a mother to my brother and I. We were fortunate in that, despite being in a new country, having moved from Kenya to the UK, my Pops, as a dentist, was financially secure enough that when God blessed them with their first child, me (most definitely a blessing!) she was able to be a Stay At Home Mum. In fact, they had been here a while, and my mother had been offered a job with the British Civil Service just before finding out she was expecting. But being the best mum she could be was more important than a career to her.

Being a girl and their first born was never an issue to my parents, though there were others we knew who were lamenting the birth of a girl… The first born should have been a boy, and all that, but it made no difference to them. My brother followed after 3 years and so, our family was complete.

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Motherhood

My mother and I

What do I remember about growing up? My mother being there every minute for us. From birth, we were the single most important aspect of her life. I was a food brat, she struggled to make me eat (unfortunately I don’t have that problem anymore… My waist shows that!). She shed tears over the fact that I was not eating the wonderful dishes she created for me. But she managed, well I’m standing here in front of you, writing about it, aren’t I?

She instilled a love of learning and for books and reading within me. Something I will be ever grateful to her for. She ferried us to and from school, to extra curricular activities, she ensured our homework was done on time. She didn’t force me into the kitchen to learn how to make roti, instead, preferring to make sure I was concentrating on my education, a gift that my parents gave us, a good education.

She taught us the importance of family, and all about respect for elders and youngers. She taught me, especially, how to be a great wife, and daughter in law too.

She had been my rock throughout my life, even now, as I am over 40, it’s my mother’s reassuring voice that lessens worry and pain, it’s my mother’s eyes that light up with pride when I achieve anything, and my mother’s hugs that make everything better.

My only wish, that I could be a mother like her, heck, even half like her would make me an awesome mum! My own journey to achieve that ‘mother’ status was a pretty tough road to travel, being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries. It took a couple of years of a medicated haze, and one step from the IVF route to fall pregnant with my first child.

During those tough years, I drew even more strength from my own mum, who fell pregnant with me pretty late, well it wasn’t the 9 months after marriage time frame that many Indian women were expected to conform to, anyway. She would be questioned by some insensitive people as to why she hadn’t given them some ‘good news’ yet. It was my parents choice though, to set up home in a new country and give any prospective child a secure future first.

It echoed questions I was being asked, 4 years into my marriage too, but I would just say “It’s all in God’s hands” and it was…

I can’t speak about motherhood and not mention my Mother In Law either! She’s not your stereotypical Mum In Law. A lovely lady who gives me so much love, and is a wonderful grandma to my children too. And she gave me the most amazing husband too! She never once questioned my inability to conceive easily. Instead, she stood by me every step of the way too. The pain of those -vs tests were as much hers as mine, and the hope, with a missed period, aching breasts, she was there, alongside my own mother, willing me along.

So, once it finally happened, my son made his grand entrance, (on my mother’s birthday no less!) the task to be a good mother began. I felt I failed miserably, not being able to breast feed, but guess what, my mum didn’t either! The food situation, yup he was as tough as me to nourish, but you know what, we got through it, and when he was a little older, we thought the time was right for a try for number 2. The same medications, more complications resulting in me losing an ovary, made me think my son was going to be my one and only blessing.

But God blessed me three times after. Twice, my babies were too precious to Him, so He took them back to live with Him. Those tough times made my Mum-In-Law open up to her own 3 losses in between her 2 boys. Two miscarriages and one, she was advised to have a termination due to some abnormality with the fetus. She didn’t get much choice in those day, it was decided by the elders and her husband, and her being the good Indian wife, agreed, heavy heartedly.

Back to my journey… After bidding my two angels farewell, another +ve test was confirmed. I was again so cautious, and this pregnancy resulted in the arrival of my beautiful daughter. Feeding was not an issue this time, and she was a dream baby…

Now, 9 years later, I am a mother to a beautiful 9-year-old teenage daughter (yes, really!) and a wonderfully stroppy talented 11-year-old son.

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Motherhood 02

Me with my two blessings

It’s not been an easy road, bringing them up. I have often sat back and thought, ‘was I really cut out for this?’ but then I came to realise that you can only do your best, and if you have the right guidance behind you, you can be the most wonderful mother in the world! And honestly, though there are days I could tear my hair out, and scream and shout at them, I love them with all my heart and thank God every day for these two miracles.

My heart melts when they hug me, I feel so special when only ‘mummy’ will do when they are feeling upset or hurt. The smiles they give can turn an awful day into the best in the world… Yup being a mum rocks!

I thank my mother, for giving me the best example I could have hoped for, as a mum. Like I said before, if my children think I’m even half the mother that mine was to me, I’d be a brilliant one!

Happy Mothers day to all you fantastic Mothers out there, today,and every day!

Taken from a guest post I wrote for The Champa Tree a couple of years back.

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