Children | But I Smile Anyway...

Tweenage Thoughts – Special Cuddles and Behaviour Charts!

28 Jun 2017 79 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Family, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Behaviour Chart, Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Children, Family, Special Cuddles, Tween Angst, Tweenagers

I love my kids.

Last week I touched on the fact that they were both getting older and, well, quite frankly, there is nothing I can do about it.

I guess it is important to embrace it all, and enjoy the fact that there will be a whole lot more ‘Blogger Fodder’ over the next few years!

Take this last week…

I am having to really accept that my little girl, my baby, my Lil Princess, is no longer ‘little’! Watching a film, an s-e-x scene came on. (It was a tame one, honestly, I am not subjecting my children to porn!) Both she and her brother averted their eyes, with the usual kid cries of “Eeeeugh! Disgusting!!! Is it finished yet?!”

Admittedly, I think Lil Man may have been watching through his fingers, but I can’t be sure…!

Then Lil Princess said to me, “Mummy, are they having ‘special cuddles’ then?”

She knows.

She’s nine, and she knows.

I was not prepared for her knowing things like that… not yet! She’s not due for that talk at school until next year!

I actually found out that she was aware what sex was in March. We went shopping for my best friend’s baby shower. I was buying some cutesie bits and bobs, along with the obligatory disposable maternity pants and perinneum massage oil, when she giggled and showed me a tube of nipple cream.

Obviously nipple is a funny word for kids of a certain age.

She went on to find several brands, and then nipple protectors too, giggling at every find.

We had a short conversation as to why these items (not the perinneum massage oil!) were necessary for a new mum.

In the car on the way home, she was obviously feeling quite comfortable with being so open with me, so broached another issue…

“Mummy, when a pregnant lady goes for a poo, what stops the baby coming out too?”

A perfectly sensible question… until you realise that your nine-year-old doesn’t actually believe that babies come from a stork, or the hospital, or some other airy fairy idea! She knows they come from, ahem, down below!!!!

I calmly answered honestly, and then followed up on her statement. I was eager to know where she got this info from. I mean, she doesn’t know about periods yet!

So, the font of her knowledge was…. her brother! Really?!! I told him not to mention these things to his little sister, but then, that’s your typical brother! Lil Man couldnt help it.

I asked her what she know exactly.

“It’s a bit inappropriate to talk about mummy, you know that! It’s about ‘special cuddles’!”

(We had been to see frogs in the school pond with my class, and in the morning there was a pond full of frog on frog action happening, then when we took the afternoon kids, the pond was teeming with freshly laid frogspawn. When asked what the frogs were doing, my colleague answered that they were just having ‘special cuddles’! The term has now stuck in my family, to descrive what my kids call ‘innapprpriate behaviour’!)

Then she said, “Oh mummy, everyone knows it in my playground, they all talk about it!”

Really??!! A bunch of eight and nine year olds having conversations about sex?!

Well, we had a short, frank conversation about the basics, so she wasn’t being fed wrong information, and left at that for now.

But since then, she has been much more open with me about any of these issues!

Oh my, the fun of being a mum to Tweens!

And another thing…

She made me a chart.

Me!

A CHART?!?

20170625_162438

Why do I have a chart?

Because on the weekend, I had a meltdown. The kids were driving me insane, Hubby Dearest was out, and they were arguing, winding each other up, not listening, being kids…

I ended up in tears, literally.

Later in the evening, my daughter presented me with the above. My very own chart.

“Mummy, I’m going to keep this chart for you. You don’t get angry, you get a point on the happy side. You shout at us, you get a point on the angry side. It will help me too, you try not to get angry, I will try not to get angry too. We can help each other!”

(Considering half the time I get angry is because of her behaviour, humph! But still, at least she is acknowledging that she needs to calm down too, in a roundabout way!)

So, this is how I have ended up with a behaviour chart. Me. The mum!

And now I must be off, need to get ready to welcome that Lil Man into his final tween year tomorrow!!!!

Have a great day Peeps!

Do let me know if you have ever been made a chart by your kids!!!

Tweenagers – They Be Growing Up!

22 Jun 2017 92 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Family, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Children, growing up way too fast, Tweenagers

Last night, one of Lil Man’s molar teeth fell out (milk tooth, thank goodness!).

“Mum! Look! Can I have a pound?”

I love that he only asks for a pound, sweet boy, most kids I know seem to be expecting a fiver, or a tenner even, from the Tooth Fairy!

“Go put in under your pillow. You know the tooth fairy has to come visit!”

He looked at me with those eyes… the eyes of a child who is no longer really a child (he’s turning twelve next week!) …they were saying “What Tooth Fairy? You know it’s you who places that coin lovingly under my pillow, just admit it!”

I indicated towards his little sister, as if to say “Shh! Not in front of her! She’s still little!”

But then I thought… Actually, is she?

This weekend, in the heat, I was even more aware that, even at nine, she was no longer a little girl. Developments are happening. it is no longer appropriate for her to run around with no top on. School-wise she will be due for that talk next year.

Just this week I bought her some cropped vests because she is a very heat sensitive child, like I am, and even a vest felt too hot for her, but as I mentioned, she can’t be without one completely. Modesty is something we have instilled in our kids.

I felt wrong, buying something that felt like I was almost sexualising my child, but I’m not. It’s just a vest, not a bra. And it will keep her comfortable, yet appropriately covered up.

Because she’s growing up.

Why am I trying to keep certain pretences up in front of her still?

Because I want her to remember her childhood as being magical, with a little mystery attached. Reality hits you hard when you grow up. Surely our kids need to be kids for a little longer?!

She says to me Father Christmas is not real, she loves the idea of the Tooth Fairy, but is starting to question her too. And she never believed in the Easter Bunny (except the one in Hop!). Watching things on the Internet (with me around of course!) and the school playground chatter, where those children who never believed anything because their parents never bothered to indulge them, her illusions are shattered daily.

Going back to Lil Man, he showed me how grown up he was the other day. There was an incident at his school, with a child calling him a racist name. My first reaction was “What?! I’ll get in touch with the teachers, school need to be aware!”

But he proved to be the voice of reason (after talking to Dad). “Mum, no don’t do that. I want to talk to him tomorrow. Maybe he didn’t know what he was saying…”

We made a plan.

He was to go to school and chat to the lad, explaining that what he said was offensive, and that really he should apologise, or things would get sticky, if he had to report it.

All back up plans were in action. If anything else was said he was to ring us as soon as he could so we could report the child. Otherwise everything would be okay.

And we didn’t hear a peep from him all day. He had gone in, and sensibly spoke to said mate, who apologised immediately, not realising what he had said was wrong.

Problem solved!

I guess as mummy, I have to step back now. He is getting sensible (sometimes, anyway!) Anyway, he’s not calling me ‘Mummy’ anymore. It is ‘Mum’! Definitely growing up!

And as for the Tooth Fairy. She forgot to visit! I was so tired I fell asleep!

This morning Lil man came bounding downstairs. “Mum! Can I have that pound?”

I still went and put it under the pillow (habit, I guess) but the tooth wasn’t there.

“Where’s your tooth?”

“It’s in the bin!”

“What???”

I found it. And stored it in a bag full of jumbled teeth. Which ones are his and which are Lil Princess’s, I no longer know… but that sentimental part of me is not interested in throwing them away… not yet… they are still my babies!

When is it time to let go? Not yet… surely!

Being Dad…

06 Jun 2017 38 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Family, Fiction, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Being Dad, Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Children, Fatherhood

It was an innocent comment on my post Being Mum, that Rajiv Chopra, that inspired me to think like a man for once… Ok, so you all know I have a bit of a habit of dressing up, and I have also gone down the route of dressing up as the hairier sex of the species on occasion, but I have never really put myself in their shoes…at least not by thinking like, perhaps how a new father might feel… So here goes…

God, it’s not so much fun, is it, when you have to perform on command? She said tonight was a good night, but to be honest, I’ve had a couple of beers, and I’m not sure it’s a good night… for me anyway. The last time I tried to be a little amorous, she was like “No! My eggs aren’t ready yet, but in a couple of days we can…” It really takes the fun out of baby-making! Surely we just need to keep ‘having a go’ and we’ll get lucky soon enough.
But, you know, it breaks my heart, seeing her every time those damn tests come back negative. I don’t know how to get her to chill out… I know it’ll happen… I know it will. Our time will come. It hurts me too, you know, somewhere deep inside, but I don’t show it because she gets so cut up, one of us has to be strong…
A few months later…
Ok so it happened… Jeez!!! I’m going to be a father!!! Whoa!! God, that happened quicker than I though… But hey, I always knew it would… I was starting to worry, maybe I’d been firing blanks. But no! It’s all good!!!!
Nearing the end of the pregnancy…
Wow! I wish this baby would just come, already! We had the couple of months of sickness, in fact even I made her sick at times. Apparently I can’t eat curry. The smell made her gag! I’ve become an expert at back rubs, foot rubs, belly cradling. The guy at the 24 hour garage knows me by name. Well, where else do I go, for that odd craving for Twiglets, at 3am??!!
She was tired… God was she tired, at the beginning, but then she got this burst of energy, and how do I put it… She got a bit randy! But I was a bit tentative in my advances.. I mean, come on! My baby’s somewhere down there!!! I don’t want to hit it!
Taking of baby, the scan. Seriously, if there is a time a grown man should get emotional, it’s seeing that little swimmer of yours, turned into a real live, wriggly thing that’s eventually gonna become a baby. I was pretty strong the first time round. To be honest, I couldn’t make head nor tail of what the sonographer was showing us! I just smiled and nodded, and when she was getting excited telling everyone about the scan, and showing off the picture, I just smiled and nodded, again… But the second one. Now that was a different matter. There was most definitely a baby in there, no alien like creature! I could see the arms and legs, a face… That was my baby. I put my hands up. As I squeezed her hand, my eyes might have been a bit moist. Proud daddy to be, showed that picture off to everyone!
She told me about the movements, but to be honest, I felt a little left out. I couldn’t see or feel anything, at first, when my hand was placed over the bump. I just smiled, and nodded. Yes, again! But there came a time when I could feel it. My, that baby had some kick! A future footy player for sure! And laying there at night, while she was complaining about her distended belly, and stretch marks…(what are they, anyway?!) I saw a ripple… I saw baby move!!! Inside her belly, I saw my baby move!!!
The day came…
Oh God, its really hurting her! I dont know what to do, to make it any better for her! Music, oils, back rubs, bouncy balls.. Those antenatal classes were rubbish! Can’t they just give her something for the pain? And maybe me too… She’s digging her nails into my hand so deep, but I can’t risk mentioning it… Every time I catch her eye, she looks at me like I’m the devil, and she curses me for putting her in this excruciating position!!! But she calms down when the contraction is done.
The doctor said the baby’s crowning… What? Oh, you mean it’s coming???!!! Oh dear God! Jeez!! What do I do??!?
Push!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!
Oh My God!!!
I’m a Dad!!!!!
Cut the cord, I did. I’m so connected with my baby, a true 21st century dad!
He.
Didn’t I say? It’s a boy! Anyway, he’s a hungry little thing, feeding from mummy… He seems to have been doing a lot of that… I thought babies slept more… This one seems to be permanently attached to my former fun bags, sorry I mean to my wife’s breast!
A few days later…
What do you mean ‘sleep like a baby’??? Thank God for paternity leave, is all I can say!!! He cries all night, and whenever I go in for a cuddle with her, he seems to know… Son, I love you, but I love my wife, that’s your mum, too!!
She’s exhausted, bless her. The nights are hard, I don’t have boobs, and expressing didn’t work… I try to do the winding, heck I’ve even changed disgusting nappies! But he only settles with her…
Back to work…
Wow, even the commuter train feels like bliss… No crying baby, no nappies, other human contact. I mean with people who talk about usual things, not just the next feed, the colour of his poo, and all things baby related… I love my son, but he’s hard work!!! I’m sure I wasn’t like that, I must ask my mum…
It was a long day, but I actually feel refreshed! Back home to wife and son, and the baby life…
Oh, and can I say, babe, your belly, and those stretch marks you keep on going on about? They don’t matter… Think of them as a trophy… After all, you just completed a pretty mean feat!

You know, I can appreciate a father can feel quite the outsider in the early months of being a parent. Physically, there is nothing you can do to change that, but in those few months, just some support, the offer of a cup of tea, taking baby for a walk, giving new mum a chance for a long soak, or just a little break… Those little things help, and remember, especially for a new mum, it’s such a wrench from their former life… Everyone needs to adjust, and for her sanity, she needs time with other adults. Similarly, new mummies, don’t shut daddy out. He can’t do some things, but there is a lot he can do to help!!
You’re in it together, after all… 🙂

Being Mum…

05 Jun 2017 75 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Family, Fiction, Thoughts Opinions & Memories, Uncategorized Tags: Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Children, Family, Hard, love, Motherhood

Motherhood is a really special thing. It’s also damn hard work too…

We are expected to be perfect mothers all the time, but it’s just not possible.

We all have those split second moments when we almost wish them away, for some peace and quiet.

Yes, it’s true, we ALL have those moments.

I don’t think I have met one mother who truly hasn’t had that thought at least once during her motherhood stint. Of course, I don’t mean that you wish you had never had them, we love our children dearly, but as I said before, it is hard work…

With that in mind, I wrote something, it’s fictional, but I can relate to most of it, and have experienced similar emotions during my 14-year journey to become, and be a mother…

I sit and stare out of the window, trying hard to ignore the voice calling me. It seems never ending. No one told me it would be easy, but still, come on… 24 hours a day??!! Jeez! Give a girl a break!

“Mummy!!! I NEEEEED you!”

“Mummy!!! I’m HUNGREEEEEEEEY!”

“Mummy, I fell over!”

“Mummy!!!!”

It had been a long wait, a long time coming, this motherhood malarkey… Others always made it look so easy, you know, “Hey, we’re trying for a baby!”, or “Oh look, first time round, we got the test results we were hoping for!” or the “Well, we weren’t even trying, you know, I mean it’s only been 3 months since [insert any child’s name} was born… I’m just so fertile!”

But it isn’t really that easy, well I know we didn’t find it easy… and every month, seeing that awful one line on the tests that I had stock piled, rather than 2, was the most heart breaking time of my life. Why me? I had wanted to be a mum since I was a child myself. I knew that one day, that would be my forte in life, to be the BEST MUM EVER!!!!! But they forgot to send me the memo, that my body was crap, it wasn’t working like everyone else’s, and that I would have to endure so much heartache to eventually get where we are now.

4 years… 4 years of tests, injections, medications, false hopes, disappointments, then finally that positive was in my hand… And this was one that stuck. I was going to become a mother!

The cautious way we progressed through this pregnancy… I read all the books, took every precaution that we were advised to, and it was smooth sailing. The Big Dude, up there, must have felt some pity on me, with all the struggles we had been through, and he allowed me to have an almost textbook pregnancy.

The day came when our little miracle arrived, and boy did she arrive! 2 weeks early, but with a set of lungs on her! Wow! How did something so tiny manage to be so loud??? Still, this was our little lady, our baby, that we had been waiting for all this time, and she was perfect!

Fast forward 2 months…

It’s hard work, this being a mummy! He hasn’t got the boobs, so he can’t even feed her, and he is going to work in the mornings, so the night shift is well and truly mine… Then he goes off, leaving me with little Lady Lungs, who well and truly lets me know that she want attention… 24 hours a day! But hey, this is what being a mum is all about, right?

Another 6 months on…

She’s sitting! She’s eating! She’s not eating…She’s teething! She’s adorable! She’s crying again… What have I done wrong now? What did I do in my last life to get a baby that cries so much? I’m pretty sure none of the other babies at the baby groups we go to cry quite so much…. Five minutes, please, just five minutes… oh, and a whole night’s sleep would be good too….

3 years later…

I can’t believe she will be starting nursery soon… my little Princess, growing up so fast! Thank goodness I was able to be here with her all this time, and daddy had a job that allowed me to stay at home with her. But, if only she played nicely, without constantly calling me… oh, to have a cup of tea, still hot… Oh, and she still won’t sleep through alone… it is so hard… To have those few hours peace a day… I’m really looking forward to ‘me’ time!

A couple of months down the line…

Why didn’t she cry? I left her at nursery for the first time, and she didn’t cling to me, she wasn’t bothered at all! Why not? I have given all of my being, the last nearly 4 years of my life to her, and not one tear today… What? Did she use them all up, crying at me all the time before then??

Then she came back all smiles, with a ‘drawing’ of me… its beautiful… guess what, it’s me who’s crying now!

I Should Know Better!

03 May 2017 43 Comments

by Ritu in Children, Humour, Thoughts Opinions & Memories Tags: Bad Habits, Blog, Blog Post, Blogger, Blogging, Children, common sense, Family, Humour, parents evening, School, tired

I am a pretty good person, always looking out for others, smiling through life’s problems, that sort of thing.

But I don t half have some bad habits that are hard to break!

Now there’s organised, and then there’s organised!

I believe it’s the Virgo in me that likes to have lists of things to do, that needs me to know what is happening when, that asks a question and needs an answer NOW!

And these are all okay habits, but I can have a tendency to get myself a bit obsessed with them too! And often to my detriment!

Take last night for instance.

There have been lots of changes in our family life since Lil Man started Secondary school. The biggest being that now he is at another school, other than the one I teach at, I have little control or knowledge about things happening there (oh, I find that so hard… but breathe, Ritu… let go…!)

We have to go for his parent meeting soon. Now in primary school, it’s a pretty painless process/ Your child has one teacher, you book a ten minute slot. You arrive, maybe wait if there are any delays, but, unless you have more than one child, thus needing more ten minute slots, you are in and out relatively fast.

Not at secondary school!

Now we have a lotta subjects, so a lotta teachers and a lotta kids whose parents need to be seen!

There is the old fashioned way of booking your slots, which is to fill in a piece of paper, using a pen (remember those?!) requesting the teachers to book you in with a slot. We tried that last time, and I think one teacher managed to actually book a time.

Then I resorted to the new-fangled way, which is an online system! Oh so easy! You see the teachers names that you child has, you book your five minute slots, and leave five minutes in between, to give yourself time to move around!

Great!

If you get in early enough. But if you are one of the last ones to book, you end up with 7 appointments interspersed within a three hour window! But we were relatively quick so only had a couple of waits.

So when I realised his end of year meetings were coming up, I was hot off the mark!

I have been checking the website for the last couple of weeks and knew that the system opened up for booking yesterday.

But what time exactly?

In the morning it informed me that the system would be open 17 from them. I worked it out and made it to be an 11 pm open time.

Being me, Mrs Virgo, I wanted to get appointments booked and out of the way, so I knew what we were doing on that day!

I was tired too.

But I kept myself awake, and had checked throughout the evening to make sure that I know when it was definitely going live! Last time it was live at some silly time like 4 am, so I had to wake up to get the bookings done!

Just before 11 pm I dragged myself to the PC and logged in. The counter that had said one hour to go for the last hour should have said Open at 11 pm, but no.. it told me there were 59 minutes to go!

Dang!

I had to wait until midnight!

Now here was where common sense should have prevailed and told me “Ritu, go to sleep. Get up at your usual time, don’t snooze your alarm, and you can book the appointments them.”

And quite possibly, it did try to tell me that, but stubborn, organised Ritu had her voice on loud speaker! “Ritu, watch another mind numbing programme to keep yourself awake then book, and you can sleep in peace!”

And so I awoke from a snooze just before midnight (luckily with no alarm, otherwise I would have been gutted!) and drowsily headed off to the PC again to book.

Surprise surprise I was probably the first one there, and all appointments needed were duly booked. I could rest easy for the next two weeks!

Except, you know when you wake from a deep sleep, you just can’t go back to bed.

So I was back in bed by 12.07 am and tossed and turned for an hour! And when my alarm did go off, I cursed my inability to listen to common sense!

But I was secretly happy that I got my preferred time slots!

So now I know I shall spend today in a stupor of tiredness – self-inflicted tiredness, at that!!

I should know better!

Any habits that you have that you really should change, but you just can’t quite make yourself to do?