But I Smile Anyway…

“But I’ve strayed so far from normal now, I’ll never find my way back. And the truth is, I no longer want to.”

Alyson Noel

Thank you, Spidey, for another great quote!

We’ve been living in this way now, for twelve weeks. Some class it as the #newnormal, some think of it as a phase, some have barely changed what they were doing before…

It has been tough, for everyone, in so many different ways.

We lost the freedom to go where we wanted, when we wanted.

We had to learn to spent twenty-four hours with the people in our households. People we love, but who we’ve not spent so much time with, with out a break

We learned how to adapt our working lives or school lives, to working from home, with children bursting in, in the middle of Zoom meetings, or trying to calm a child’s meltdown as they didn’t get their home learning task. (quite often, it was the parent melting down because they didn’t get it!)

We adapted in many ways, using technology, where possible, to keep in touch with friends and family.

We tried our hands at different things, once we’d settled into this surreal way of living. Cooking different things, baking, DIY, arts and crafts, gardening. All sorts of stuff.

We almost enjoyed the extra hour in bed because there was no commute in the morning. (Unless you have a cat like mine, who sings the morning breakfast chorus in your ear at stupid o’clock, until you relent and go give him food.)

We took time out to go for walks, or attempted to use that one outing for exercise to cycle, or run. Something some of us had been wanting to do for ages, but never found the time for.

And now, as lockdown reaches the next stage of easing… how are we feeling?

I know I have had a strange one. Not totally isolated as I had to go into school regularaly, and get the groceries in. Planning and working from home has been a strange experience. Not seeing my class at all has been horrible.

But the extra time at home has been enlightening in so many ways.

My almost daily walks have been with Lil Man, and I am proud of my nearly 15-year-old, and his thinking. We have talked, frankly, about so much, over the last three months. I feel that our relationship as mother and son has reached a different level.

Lil Princess has been a harder nut to crack. She hasn’t taken to lockdown that well, and disappears in to her room for hours at a time, not wanting to go out, or even have conversations, but we’ve been trying. She’s really missing her friends. She will do all the online learning, but she misses school. And with no sign of her going back, before September, it is tough.

Hubby Dearest and I have reached a relaxed way of living. Work hours are just that, and breaks and evenings are spent sitting, talking, eating, planning the future…

I’ve written some, read lots, learned new crafts, baked, experimented with different recipes. I’ve let my hair go, the grey is rife. My nails are as au naturel as the day I was born.

Am I happy that my life is falling into more of the old normality, come Monday?

Hubby Dearest will still be working from home. Lil Princess will still be distance learning, as will Lil Man, but with some allowances for either video call or face to face meetings to discuss his next steps, as he is in Year 10, meaning GCSEs next year.

I go back to school to a much-reduced class, only 11 out of a possible 30, (and one of those is actually from the other class as we have a set of twins, and needed them in the same bubble).

There are mixed feelings.

I have loved being at home, spending time with my family, and being able to do more of what I love, on top of working.

But, I was born to teach. And I have missed my class far too much. I can’t count the hours I have spent, worrying about certain children and whether they are okay, if they are even trying to access any of the learning we are setting for them.

Yet, I still have an underlying anxiety about going back. And I blame the government and media for this. Is it safe to go back, or not? Are we the country’s guinea pigs? Some schools came back partially, a couple of weeks ago, and they’ve reported back that things are okay. Weird, but okay.

And as a BAME member of the community, should I be even more cautious? Hubby Dearest would much rather I didn’t go back. He even offered to keep the household ticking over so I could hand my notice in. He’s scared.

I can’t do that, though. School is so much a part of me. Yes, the idea of not working sounds great. I could legitimately devote all my time to writing, but that is one full income we’d be down by. I’d feel like I lost a part of my independence.

But, I do wish there was an inbetween. A little more home time, a little less school stress.

But, for now, I’ll just have a go at the cards we’ve been dealt, and see what happens… cautiously.

So… tell me, as things inch themselves back to a semblance of normality, how are you feeling?

Have a peaceful Sunday Peeps  And enjoy your week! ❤